Monday, July 28, 2008

Getting Disappointed Sucks!

A problem free life on earth is simply impossible.Life has its own fair share of worries, troubles and stress.There are times when your expectations from people and things are cut short.No wonder the "BIBLE" says in Jeremiah 17:5 and i quote " Cursed is the man that puts his trust in mortal man and turns his heart away from God..He is a like a stunted shrub in the desert, with no hope for the future...But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made Him his confidence..Its leaves stay green and goes right on producing all its luscious fruit.
I speak with respect to man, The heart is the most deceitful thing there is, and desperately wicked.No one can know how bad it is!Only the Lord knows!.....

Disappointments happens to everybody and most times we just can't figure out how to handle them.I was really disappointed over the weekend and so i decided to do this article.

While reading Dr.Phil's Love Smart..I realized i had two options in reacting to my disappointment.One was to to spend the entire weekend freaking out, or taking a few deep breaths, chilling out and shrugging it off as one of life's little mysteries. Your guess is a good as mine, is chose the second option, even though it didn't seem comfortable but for the sake of peace, i had to follow thru.

Most importantly, besides dealing with it this way,I learnt to turn over the pain to God.The truth is nothing happens outside his consent.He knows best and He can turn the disappointment to defining blessings.Pray about it and ask Him to take control.

I decided to quit worrying and being fearful.The goal of the above is to make me feel bad enough to quit trying in its entirety.

I decided to laugh.Laughter they say is good medicine for the soul.It is always advisable to laugh, why because tears will always prevent you from seeing possibilities.Decide to get around people who'd make you cheerful.

While doing the above, i decided to find out more on what i could do to get over the disappointing event, so i searched and this in addition to what's already been stated is what i got.

Sing: Yes you heard right. Sing. Nothing lifts disappointment or soothes a weary soul like good music. Drown the disappointment through singing or listening to some good music.

Go again. Don't quit: A lot of people fail because they quit. If you failed or were disappointed before, try again. If you were told no earlier, ask again. No is only one side of the coin. Flip it again and it might just turn out to be yes. You did not get it yesterday can actually turn out to become a “you got it today”. It does not take God 12 years to handle a 12 year old problem and it does not take God to handle a lifetime problem. There is no great man or woman that has not had to learn to handle disappointment on the way to success, achievement and greatness.

Don't stop believing in you and in God: Disappointment wants you to give up on God, you and your dreams. It knows very well that the only way it can stop you is to get you to stop. No one says you will not feel bad when you experience disappointment. We all face disappointment but do not dwell on yours or let them chart the course of your life or dreams. Despite what has happened believe that your dream is still possible. You can reach your original goal if you still want to.

Talk to you: There is power in words. There is power in confession. Talk to yourself. Tell yourself “I can make it”. Talk to you. Inspire yourself through self motivation. Encourage yourself even when no one does so. Declare and say “I know all things are working for my good because I love God”. Your words can make or unmake you. Speak the right words and the right stuff will happen to you.

Remember it takes guts to leave the ruts. Don't quit yet. Its too late to quit if you are a winner.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

How to Land Your Man - Dr. Phil

I just got a book called LOVE SMART, written by Dr. Phil Mcgraw.It's really, really interesting. I want to share this with you. ehn's the cover just in case u decide to go get it, got mine from Ceddi Plaza, Abuja....

Once you have done some soul-searching to figure out what you want in a future husband, it's time to actively search for Mr. Right. "Instead of viewing yourself as a hunter bounding toward the man of your dreams, shift your point of view and think of yourself as a magnet pulling him to you," Dr. Phil suggests. The best way to do this is with a strategy.

In Chapter Seven of his book Love Smart: Find the One You Want — Fix the One You Got, Dr. Phil offers the following tips for going out and finding Mr. Right.

Leave the house.
"The one" isn't going to come knocking on your door or appear on your couch. You have to get in the game and put yourself out there. Make an effort to see and be seen by as many qualified new guys as possible. "Dating is a numbers game," Dr. Phil says. "The more men you meet, the more likely you will find your special someone."

Visit target-rich environments.
In Chapter two you created a sketch of the The Character of Him. Think about where this type of guy would hang out — a target-rich environment — and go there. Some places Dr. Phil suggest going are: Church or temple, batting cages, sporting events, bars, music festivals, art galleries, parks, philanthropic group events, bookstores, coffee shops and hardware stores.

Get out of your comfort zone.
Vary the places you go to meet men so you can see new faces. "By now you should realize that your ordinary hangout isn't the place to meet extraordinary men," says Dr. Phil. Explore your passions and let these things become your social life. "Go to places you'd enjoy even if you weren't looking for the love of your life." This way, you will meet someone who has something in common with you. "As long as you're really into what you're doing, you're going to give off a cool, passionate vibe that makes you seem like the catch of the day," Dr. Phil says.

Mix up the people you go out with.
Don't always hang out with a pack of girlfriends — but for safety reasons, never go out alone either. "Guys are less likely to come over if they feel they've got an audience," Dr. Phil warns. "They don't want to get rejected in front of four or five staring women." Plus, if you are with a lot of friends, it's too easy not to meet new people.

It's also important to vary the people you go out with. "Often, different people bring out different aspects of our personalities," Dr. Phil shares. Going out with married friends and guy friends can make it seem like you are taken or don't want to be approached.

Have a strategy for meeting men at these new places.
This will ensure that you are not flustered when you see a man you want to approach. "If you know what to reveal about yourself or how to start the conversation, you'll come off confident and self-assured," Dr. Phil explains. You won't have to think of a plan while under pressure.

Learn about your audience.
Try to find out what the people you are going to be around are interested in. If you know that they are into something specific, you can brush up on some basics about that topic. You will then have something to talk about with them — comments to offer and questions to ask. "This isn't being fake. It's just a way to jump-start a conversation or feel comfortable taking part in one," Dr. Phil says.

Be prepared with your opening questions.
Usually the hardest part of meeting someone new is getting the conversation rolling. "One of the most important things I can tell you is that people truly love to be the focus of attention," Dr. Phil says. Come up with five to 10 questions to ask a man, and give him the attention he wants. It's important to listen to the answers when he is talking and ask follow-up questions. If you have these questions ready before you meet him, you won't feel pressure to think of a conversation topic, and you'll feel confident.

Here are some examples of basic questions to ask within the first 10 minutes of your encounter.

Icebreaking questions:
Do you love what you do for a living, or work to pay the bills?
What's your favorite book?
What do you like to do in your free time?
Which family member are you closest to?
What's the best vacation you've ever been on?

The deserted island questions:
If you were stranded on a deserted island, and you could have only three of your most prized possessions with you — and sunscreen — what or who would you have?
If you could plan a dinner party, who (alive or dead) would you invite to it?
If you could keep only one of your five senses, which one would it be and why?
If you won $10 million in the lottery, what would you do with the money?

Use your star power.

"The more generous you are about making other people feel like stars, the more star quality you yourself will possess," Dr. Phil says. Making people feel special is as easy as asking questions and really listening to the answers. "If everyone else in the room is saying, 'Me, me, me,' and you're saying, 'You, you, you,' you're the one who's going to get noticed."

Know your sound bite.

In Chapter five, Dr. Phil teaches women how to create their sound bite — an exciting description of themselves, focusing on their strongest attributes, using 20 words or less. Be prepared with a list of four or five things that you think people should know about you. Be positive and upbeat. Talking about things with pride, passion and optimism will draw others toward you.

Come up with your fillers.
Define four or five things you can talk about with anyone, anywhere. Be comfortable with the topics, and know them inside and out. "These can be saviors when you don't know what to say or when you hit a lull in conversation," Dr. Phil says. Some ideas of fillers are your hobbies, current events or vacation spots. Also, stay current on the latest news.

Act the part.
"What you say is only a portion of what attracts people to you," Dr. Phil explains. "The other part is all the nonverbal actions and mannerisms that speak volumes." To be successful in dating, you must exude confidence — in everything from your internal dialogue to the clothes you wear.

"Men fall in love with their eyes, so looking your best is a must," Dr. Phil suggests. But don't wear anything that you aren't comfortable in. It is also important to be aware of your body language. "No matter how confidently you're chatting away, if your body language says you're insecure, that's how you'll be perceived." Try not to twirl your hair or fidget, and don't stand too close or too far away from him. Make sure your body language is consistent with the image you want to present. Another important factor to consider is your placement in a room. You don't want to be huddled in a corner, but rather, try being in a heavily trafficked area where you will come in contact with many people.

Immerse yourself in conversation.
Stay focused and engaged by making eye contact. "There is something very disarming about a woman who will look you in the eye, hold a handshake a little longer, touch your arm to underscore a point she's making, or use your name midway through the conversation," Dr. Phil says. "If the man you're talking to feels accepted and liked by you, he is much more apt to like you in return." Realize that your voice and speech also have an effect.

To learn more, go to Chapter Seven in Love Smart: Find the One You Want — Fix the One You Got.

Getting Past a break up

Getting over someone you once loved could be a daunting but doable task.You don't have to put your life on hold because someone decided to walk away from you.

You can get your love life back on track, it doesn't have to stay this way. Enlisted are three powerful remedies for getting past a break -up.

You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel.

Here they are:


So let me ask you.

Are you spending a lot of time thinking about all the ways you screwed up in your relationship with your boyfriend, but all the ways he was great?

Do you keep rehashing an argument, wondering if things would have been better if you said or did something different from the beginning with him, feeling guilty or bad that things moved "too fast" between you (and it scared him away)?
Do you daydream about all the ways he was special, and how you'll never find anyone who understands you quite the same way he did?
Romanticizing or re-hashing the past is a pretty common thing many women do when they break up with a man.

Big mistake.

Don't do this to yourself.

This is 100% sure to only make you feel MORE AWFUL, not to mention that it keeps you from focusing on what's most important to you right now.
And that is learning how to get what you want and how to have the kind of relationship you deserve in the FUTURE.
When you focus on your ex too much, and you spend your time "pining away" for a relationship, you miss out on a very important lesson.
You stop seeing all the ways that the relationship made life a ROLLER COASTER for you. You don't realize all the ways he wasn't right for you or made you feel less than your true self. You don't learn what it is your really want and need from a relationship in order to be fulfilled.
Let's face it, you were led down some very negative emotional paths by this guy, weren't you?
So, instead of thinking only of the "good times" and how much you miss him, consider all the things he did and said that made you feel insecure, anxious or frustrated - feelings that one way or another probably contributed to the end of the relationship.
Don't repeat those same mistakes in your next relationship.

You probably gave up a lot to be with your guy. You gave up time with your friends and family.
You gave up doing things you USED to love doing;
- Things like reading, exercising, going on hikes, visiting art shows, whatever. You gave it up in order to spend time with him. You gave it up to make him feel comfortable. You gave things up because the RELATIONSHIP seemed important, and you wanted it to work.
Sure, I get it. Many women feel like they need to give things up to keep a man happy and attracted.
But if you're using that excuse to stay emotionally attached to him, because you feel that you can't "get over him" easily since you gave up so much. Feel too depressed to go out with your friends or get back to the things that used to make you feel alive and happy, Refuse to "get back out there" and date someone new.
You're STILL giving up more of you and your happiness for his sake. Even though he's out of your life.
Have weeks, months or years gone by, and you're still in the same "sacrificing" place, putting your life on hold instead of realizing your own needs?
Snap out of it!
You are actually continuing the very thing that helped break your relationship apart, and made you feel unhappy and unfulfilled.

When you end a relationship that felt like it had a lot of "promise" and connection, it's hard to believe you'll ever find love again, at least in quite the same way.
You might even vow not to date again for a LONG TIME, because you just don't want to get hurt again.
It can feel pretty safe to live inside the little "bubble" you make for yourself, just working on your career, spending time with friends, doing things that make you happy.
What do you need a man for anyway? (You think.)You put yourself and your love life in a “holding pattern” because you don’t want to let another man in or get close.You doesn’t want to be vulnerable. What's the point, if all that's going to happen is that you'll end up feeling more of the same, bad feelings you're trying to get over now - right?
Actually, no. I don't agree.
Because if you're honest with yourself, you'll realize that you don't want to shut yourself off from what can be the opportunity for an amazing, life-long experience.
That one great guy you're meant to be with could be out there right now. Unless you create the "space" for him in your life, you won't be ready for love when it finds you.
Ok, you may feel pretty in-control and safe right now, but are you LIVING? If you're not taking a risk, are you risking never feeling the LOVE and connection that could transform your life someday?
Nod your head right now if you feel even a GLIMMER of truth in what I'm saying.
And here's another common thing I hear from women who aren't ready to date again.
"There are no good men out there for me anyway. The ones I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me. Or they're taken."
I can see how you may feel that way if you're not sure how you're going to attract the RIGHT guy, or the type of guy you're into.
Plus, your recent experience with men has been, well, less than great.
Like when a guy comes on strong at first, then suddenly tells you he's "not ready" for anything serious, or isn't "into" monogamy or commitment.
No wonder you'd rather stick a twig in your eye than date again anytime soon.

The point is, you need to snap out of what you’re used to. There’s a great life awaiting you out there.

The opportunity is yours for the taking.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Keys to staying in a relationship

I don't really know who said this but i thine own self be true..

Faith indeed comes by hearing and hearing by the word...i believe its continual hearing that makes the difference.

I have a confession to make...I have faltered too many times over this issues that i bring to the fore in my articles. I haven't had great relationships myself, sometimes i actually forget the things i say and do the opposite. But guess what everything i have written down here are testimonies to the things i continously and consciously strive to do in my relationships which i guarantee would work for you.

Everybody wants to go to heaven but we all don't want to die.This applies as well in its entirety to wanting to have a lasting relationship.There are ground rules, attributes, characters and behaviours that need to be cultivated and worked upon to achieving the set goal and until we get a grip of these things, chances are we would keep on failing in our relationships, even when our partners and spouse(s) really love and care about us, we might choke them of the love they have for us.

Enlisted below are a few pointers to having a great and lasting relationship, its something you know but are somehow just forgetting and neglecting...try them and lets see..

- If you are immature, please grow up.

- If you are selfish, get over it.

- If you are impatient, learn being resolute and calm.

- If you don't have a sense of humor, get one.

- If you're always anxious, relax

-If you're too serious, loosen up, learn spontaneity.

-If you're too demanding, soften your approach

-If you are jealous, develop trust.

-If you enjoy holding a grudge, let it go

- If you are controlling, learn equality

- If you're not trustworthy, develop honesty

- If you're too submissive, learn to assert yourself

- If you're rigid, learn flexibility

- If you're unforgiving, let it go

-If you're arrogant, learn humility

- If you're argumentative, learn to listen.

-If you're boring, enlighten yourself.

Relationships are institutions, we just simply have to go through them.They help mould our lives.It's a place of learning.

Strive to know yourself, find your centre and be the best you can be. Remember, every thing, and i include, every relationship, is for a purpose.It's advisable to make the best of whatever you're in right now.


Love Never dies a natural death

I quote an unknown author

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

Getting him to love you back -Christian Carter (Part 2)

If you've not read the part one, please do....

Step #2: Invite Love, Don't Demand It

Have you felt hurt or angry at your man and
found yourself saying a whole bunch of things
that started with: "I need. I want. I deserve.
You should. You need to. You'd better"?

If those phrases sound familiar to you, that's
because you were talking from the space of

Meaning, you felt like you were "entitled" or
deserved to have your man do or say something to
make you feel better about yourself or the

You can have very good reasons for feeling
this way.

Maybe you feel like you've been doing all the
WORK in the relationship, and all the sharing,
while all he's done is get distant or confuse you
with what he says and does.

Maybe you've been doing your best to make him
happy and you've been withholding how you REALLY
feel because you don't want to hurt him or start
a fight.

So you feel stifled and powerless in the

After doing that sort of thing long enough,
it's no wonder you feel like you DESERVE and NEED
to get the love, respect and consideration back
that you've put in.

And yeah, you do deserve all those things.

It doesn't make much sense to you that he
doesn't see or realize how hard you've been
working to make things right between you.

But in a man's mind, when he sees you shutting
down, pushing him away, and then he hears you
telling him how he needs to be doing this, or how
he'd better do that, it doesn't make much sense
to him, either.

When you're feeling hurt and start telling him,
"You should" or "You really need to", you'll
likely not get the kind of reaction you're

Instead of seeing how you feel, a man will
simply SHUT DOWN and back even further away from

A man has to have HIS OWN REASONS for wanting
to do all the things that make you happy and keep
your relationship strong.

You can never, ever, ever tell a man how to
feel or act - just as a man should never do this
with you.

But you can INSPIRE a man, and you can share
what it is that you like, love and want.

And therein lies the secret of having a
relationship where the man in your life is
irresistibly attracted and devoted to you.

Fortunately, there's a way to ask for what
you need that will have him WANTING to give you

This way is not about ENTITLEMENT, blaming or

But by INVITING him, by opening up and making
it very easy for him to give you want you want.
(Men love nothing more than feeling like it's easy
for them to make you happy as a woman- but only
when they feel like it's THEIR CHOICE.)

Wow. Sounds complicated and like it's too much


It's dumb-easy once you know how.

You can start to create these powerful shifts
in the way your man responds to you simply by
changing the way you phrase things.

Instead of saying, "I need you to..."

You can say, "It would really make me feel
loved if you were to..."

I can't tell you how much most women resist
doing this because they think it's silly. but when
they finally speak the words they work like MAGIC.

Try it.

Here's another.

Instead of telling him, "You should really need
to (do this or that)"...

You can invite him by saying, "It would really
make me happy if you would (doing this or that)."

It doesn't take much to shift your energy and
become more inviting and therefore INSPIRE your
man to want to give you more of what you want and

If you're not convinced, think back to a time
when you felt hurt or angry and you closed off to
your man. You blamed him. You didn't talk to him
for hours or days. You criticized and demanded.

How did he respond?

Did he become more generous and tender with

Or did he become defensive or distant?

I think you'll realize that the energy you
bring to your relationship has a HUGE effect on
what you get out of it.

Some hard knock shey!but am certain its good too and it would ceratinly help.
You want to visit Christain Carter, yeap!...go to

You'll find help there!!!!!!

2 Steps in getting Him back in Love with you by Christian Carter

Several days a week, i get very helpful mails from a couple of relationship and counselling advisers. Today, I had some things i wanted to post but i kept on getting a nudge to check one of my google accounts...i did and i found this mail waiting...The thing is, you might be at cross roads in your relationship, you want to rekindle the flames of passion you once had..i would if i really loved the man....and you're looking for anyway possible to do it...Then am guessing this would certaily help out....

Here's a picture of Reknowned counsellor, Christian Carter...He's got a best selling book called Catch Him and Keep funny but helpful.Below is what i learnt today..thot to share, there's love in sharing.

Step #1: Shifting From Blaming & Criticism to

A man doesn't want a woman who's upset,
irritable, and hard to be close to.

In fact, that's the last thing most men want,
and the first reason most men start thinking about
leaving a relationship with a woman they used to

"But most women don't become hard-edged, annoyed
and worn down by their man and relationship on

They stop getting what they want, and so they
start to build WALLS and shut down the part of
them that was VULNERABLE and that a man could love
in the first place.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Think back to the last time you were in a
fight with your man or he did or said something
that really got under your skin?

How did you react?

Did you feel yourself tighten and become
disconnected from him emotionally?

Was it difficult to open up and really LISTEN
to what he had to say because all you could think
about was how wrong he was?

I get it.

When you're feeling resentful or disconnected
from a man because he's hurt you, the LAST thing
you want to do is to become softer, more
vulnerable or accepting of the love and attention
he wants to give you.

That's because when your man has let you down
in some way, your normal reaction is to PUSH HIM

You do that because you want him to know and
to FEEL how much you're hurting, and you want him
to see you and love you.

But instead of loving him to get you to love
you back, you do things like:

-Criticize him
-Pretend like nothing is wrong and withdraw
-Get angry at little things he says
-Withhold your love, affection, and sex
-Give him the "silent treatment"

But if it's MORE that you want, why is it so
often that you find yourself giving LESS?

For most women, this happens because they
already feel like they are giving too much of

And that they're the only one giving, or
they're just not getting much if anything back
for all that they do for their guy.

Sound familiar?

You start to think that everything you're
doing for the relationship is a chore, or just
plain hard work, and you let him know in
obvious (and not so obvious) ways.

You start to see not just the thing he did
that upset you--but ALL the ways he upsets you
or irritates you.

So all the little things he does that were just
little annoying "quirks" before become one of the
many major reasons why things just aren't

One thing sets it off, but now he can't do
ANYTHING right in your eyes.

But here's the result of going down those paths
- they never get you the solution you're REALLY
looking for, or get you what you really want and
need from your man.

Which is - more love and affection. More
understanding. More connection.

There's a better way.

What if, instead of shutting down and
becoming blaming and critical of him, you OPENED
UP and shifted out of and away from the things
that weren't working?

What if instead of intellectually thinking
about how wrong he is, and how justified YOU are
in what you did or said, you could just stop and
get in touch with what you're feeling, and what
you really want?

Do you think your guy would respond

Do you think it would have an impact on your

You bet it would.

But of course all this is easier said than done

In fact, being able to open and love MORE in
the tough times when you feel like your
relationship is giving you LESS is hard.

When someone hurts or upsets you, and you feel
unappreciated or unloved, the last thing you want
to do is sit around and figure out why you're
feeling the way you do, and look at what else you
can do to make things better.

Instead, you want HIM to get with it and start
giving to you the way you've been giving to him.

But with this feeling you often want to try and
fix things right away, you RESIST the hard
feelings that come up inside you and, instead,
push them OUTWARDS at him.

This is when you get into "blaming",
"criticizing" or "needy" mode, which sometimes
makes you feel a tiny bit better...but only for a
little while until you see that your guy only
pulls farther away afterwards.

It doesn't take a psychologist to see that this
is NOT a great strategy for inspiring your guy,
for finding more love and happiness, and for
building a lasting long-term relationship.

So how do you get out of a destructive and
dead-end pattern?

It's often the things we don't think to try
that, when we finally give them a chance, create
amazing results in our lives.

And that means trying something that feels very

That means stepping out of your comfort zone
and doing something different than what feels
"normal" and "obvious" in order to change the

Here's what I'm getting at.

When you find yourself in that place where you
begin to tighten up and resist because your
emotions and frustrations are welling up inside
you, instead of trying to quickly feel better and
ignore or hiding those feelings, give yourself some

Try feeling it MORE.

That's right - really get deep into what you're
feeling and find the words to describe it.

Take a minute to let yourself become aware of
WHERE these feelings are really coming from.

Then, once you've had a tiny bit of time to
feel it and understand it a little bit for
yourself, you can share what you're feeling with
your man.

Not only will you start to learn and grow by
leaps and bounds in your own heart and mind with
this simple exercise...

But your relationship will suddenly start to
look and feel differently to you, as your man will
react differently to you and stay closer and more
open to you and what you're going through.

In other words, by giving yourself space to
feel what you feel, you also make space for your
real feelings in your relationship and to be felt
and more understood by your man.

And it's these moments that create that
intense, deep CONNECTION and love that is what a
relationship is all about.

Let me ask you:

When was the last time you had the experience
of a really intense pain or emotion you felt being
taken in and understood and talked through with
you by your man?

When was the last time your man said, "Wow, I
didn't know you felt that way. I'm sorry. Is there
anything I can do"?

If you're like some women I've talked to and
helped over the years, then it's been way, way too
long since you've felt emotionally supported and
heard by a man in this way.

Instead, they seem to react with withdrawal,
irritation, anger or frustration each time you
tell them how you're feeling.

And it's only making you more frustrated.

It's time you feel more supported, and your man
starts being this way with you on a regular basis.

Which leads you to something important here -

You have a choice about how you're going to
keep on handling your own feelings and emotions in
your relationship.

And you have a choice in how your feelings are
going to shape your experience and your

You can keep doing what you've been doing and
hope that it starts to work once a man finally
figures it out and gets with it.


You can try something you might not have
thought to try before -

Which is actually opening and sharing more of
your deeper FEELINGS, instead of your busy

If you try the new way I'm going to show you,
then get ready to watch as you get a different
outcome and response from your man that you
might have not thought possible from around your

Here are some examples of what I'm talking

Let's say you notice that your guy has a
wandering eye, and it upsets you.

Should you say something?

Should you stay quiet and try to not let it
bother you because "men are men"?

The key here is respecting yourself, your true
emotions, and sharing what you're feeling, not
what you're THINKING.

Otherwise, you'll not only put more distance
between you and your man...

But he probably won't know why you're upset and
he'll eventually feel irritated that you're
unhappy for some unknown reason.

So if it's your true feelings that are
important, what do you say?

THINKING Statement:

"You must not be attracted to me anymore since you
obviously want other women."

Wrong. This is sure to only create a new
problem that probably isn't about what's really
going on in the first place.

FEELING Statement:

"I feel really scared and gross when you look at
or flirt with other women in front of me."

What's going on here, and what's the

You're talking about the same thing, but being
open and honest enough to stick to your FEELINGS
about what's happening, instead of moving to
judgment, is what makes all the difference with a
man and making sure he listens and opens up to you
in return.

Let's try another example.

Let's say your guy doesn't call and he's 30
minutes late to meet you or pick you up.

How could he do that and not call?

If he had just called, it wouldn't have been a
big deal.

Why didn't he?

THINKING Statement:

"You're either dumb or insane if you think you
can show up here 30 minutes late and not call and
I won't be angry at you. What's your problem?"

FEELING Statement:

"I feel upset and confused because I don't
understand why you didn't call."

Do you see how the two feel very different?

One feels very offensive, blaming, and
antagonistic. It actually raises the level of
conflict, and creates tension and distance.

The other one is an "opening" kind of question
that actually allows for truth, honesty and
promotes answers and understanding.

Oh, and which one do you think a man will
respond better to?

Your thinking statements, or your feeling ones?

I can practically guarantee you that a man will
either shut down and feel annoyed or withdraw from
you, or escalate things and get into an argument
with you and not give you any understanding if you
used the thinking statements in the above

But if you used the FEELING statements above,
and you left space after them for your guy to say

Very quickly he'd start to listen, explain
himself, and either apologize or give you the
understanding and respect you just wanted in the
first place.

But here's a catch, and where most women mess
this up even though they start out with their

Once you open up and admit your true feelings,
you can't keep going on and on about it.

You have to allow time for a man to process
what you just said, and not "rush" things just
because you feel uncomfortable and want him to
hear you and say something immediately.

Most men - about 99.9% of them - do NOT move
this fast from one emotion to the next.

So when you try and take them with you on that
ride, things will just turn ugly.

This is just a small part of some of the
secrets to inspiring a man to be an open and
endlessly understanding partner to you.

I'll post the second part...later

Men!What are they thinking - Frequently asked questions from

Why Don't You Notice My Hair? and Other Frequently Asked Questions
by David Granger

Why do you get so angry when some jamoke cuts you off in traffic?Two things. Testosterone is one. The automobile is the other. See, we have this fight-or-flight thing programmed into our DNA, and when another male of the species challenges us, we are coded to get our hackles up. Add to that the fact that from the moment we got our driver's license, the automobile has been the extension of our sense of both power and freedom, and you have a perfect storm of nature and nurture creating a hostile response to a challenge to the things that make us a man.

That said, we know we need to just calm down. One thing that would help is if you would just rub the back of our head and mutter "bastard" under your breath in sympathy.

You know when you just sit there with a scowl on your face, not saying anything? What is that about?
Generally, it's not about you. We tend to take everything personally, and we tend to anticipate not what can go right but what will inevitably go wrong. So, whether it's something complicated at work or getting that stinking sliding door to roll right, we're consumed with the obstacles in our path toward success.

Is everything really about sex?
Well, no. I mean, yes. Sex is one of the reasons we're together, you and us. There was something about you the first time we saw you that made our heart sing. If we're lucky, it's still there every time we see you. Plus, is there anything more affirming, more life affirming and satisfying than sex? Essentially, we don't see the downside. So the answer is no, not everything. And the answer is yes, a part of everything is, if we're both lucky, about sex.

What do men talk about?
Usually, we talk about what we're engaged in at that moment. Or we're telling each other stories of embarrassment or triumph. We grew up telling each other stories, and we'll never stop. We don't tell each other jokes. The topic of our conversation rarely matters, and we probably won't remember what we were talking about later when you ask. The only time we really talk seriously with each other is when we fear we might be failing. But that's rare, and it usually passes quickly. Which is why we didn't mention it.

We can't believe you didn't notice our hair.
Yeah, well. That might just be something you will have to learn to live with.

You don't seem to like it when we tell you what to do.
Oh, you noticed. Look, we tend to see ourselves as the initiators of action. If we know what needs to be done, usually we'll get it done. In fact, we take joy in accomplishing things. Let's compromise. Just stick a list somewhere of things that need to be done. Don't put our name on it. It's just a list of tasks. We like tasks. We like doing them. We like finishing them. But we like it best when it was our idea to do them.

What do you like most about us?
Oh, Jesus. We love it when you sit down on the side of the bed and kiss us for no reason. We can't get over that. We love it when you ask us for advice on something that really matters to you. We love the way you smell. We love the way you smell right after you finish exercising. We love the way you look just before you wake up in the morning. We love it when you argue with us about something—movies, sports, politics—that really doesn't matter. We love the way you will fill a silence at a dinner party, and we love the way you give us guidance when it comes to our mothers. We love the way you look when you're half-dressed or half-undressed. We love your certainty, even when you're sure we're wrong.

And we love your hair.

Men!What are they thinking

What Men Aren't Telling Us

by Chris Abani

That women are mysterious and unknowable is something every young man grows up believing. Men, on the other hand, never think of themselves as mysterious or confusing, and we are often at a loss as to why women want to figure us out. But since you asked:

When you say we don't really talk to you or reveal ourselves to you, we wish you knew just how much we have had to suppress about our desires, pains, fears, and vulnerability over the years to conform to the script of masculinity that we are given. Sometimes we don't open up because we are afraid of what we will find. We are also afraid that if you see who we really are, in all our flawed humanity (and not the flaws that annoy you, like being untidy or driving fast), you won't like us.

Men do communicate, often very directly, but women sometimes cannot accept how simple what we have to say is. We seldom play games—we aren't that sophisticated. If we don't call you for a couple of days after a date, it is because either we are afraid you will think we are stalkers (and we will call on day three) or we aren't into you. That's all there is.

We are as nervous as you are about sex; I don't care what you've heard. Your anatomy is a mystery that nobody bothers explaining to us. Even when we think we have mastered one woman's body, every body is different. We feel inadequate if we can't satisfy you in bed, and since no one has told us what to do with feelings of inadequacy, we project them onto you. Sad but true.

We are very insecure about how we look and what you really think about us, and we are excited when you do small, nice things for us like make coffee or come with us to the barber or just buy us a good book. We've been trained never to show this side to you, but it is there.

We are not subtle creatures. You might think that when you play with your hair in our presence, we know that means you like us. We don't know for sure. Men who do are bad men (sorry, guys!). And anything you've been told about playing hard to get is wrong.

We crave cuddling and hand-holding, maybe even more than you do.

We are desperate to please you because we know you are far sexier and more beautiful than you will ever admit to yourself, and we're confused (but extremely happy) as to why you like us.

Here's the thing: You rescue us every day in small, quiet ways, so why not in this way? Let us into your mystery, tell us how you would like to be loved, show us how to see you, really see you.

P.S, I got this article from my woman of all times...Oprah winfrey....from I figured it would help somehow.


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Men and Commitments

Love is never rushed and so is making a long term commitment.Acts of neediness, pleas are never sufficient to make any man commit to you. Be as it may, you will only be successfully pushing him away.

The key is never to rush them!

Go through this and your man might have reasons to commit to you long term.

This is very important for men because he wants to be assured that he will be enjoying everytime spent with you doing fun things.

Sharing a bond is something that a man and woman must have in a relationship. Having a special bond is a big factor when a man is trying to decide if he should commit or not.

Another thing that would make a man commit to you is the feelings he has for you.When a guy is looking for a girl to settle down with, he will know whether she is THE ONE for him.
The feeling is automatic for him because of the way he feels around her. It is not just a feeling of sexual gratification, but a great feeling and one that certainly makes his heart happy.

No one wants to commit to someone who barely listens to you. He wants to know you're on the same page as he. If he's comfortable sharing, its a good indication that things are going the way they should.

-Laughter is the best medicine
Everyone wants to have fun in his or her relationship.We all want to have good laughs and have a good time doing things that make us happy.
Make sure you're doing things that both of you like.It will definately make things a lot easier to get along with each other and get him to commit to you for sure.

-Space and Timing
Commiting for long term purposes requires patience and good timing.It is important you give your partner space, it makes love grow in relationships and as regards timing, a man wants to get to know you before committing.

Go get that ring!!

Dating Clingy, Needy Nelly

If you find yourself in relationship(s) and you're consistently thinking....

- They don't care about me

-They never listen

-Their work/friends/hobbies are more important to them than me

-They don't think this is as important as I do

Then am guessing you need to read this!

When you talk to a person with confidence, they will only be much more attracted to you than when you communicate neediness, fear and anxiety.

The truth is that potential partners aren't attracted to people who are eternally letting their emotions control their actions.

Dating is about having fun, not taking on the problems of others or making them feel responsible for you.If you're being weighed down by someone so early on, what is the long term going to be like?

Needy people frequently use words like "always" and "never". They assume that because someone does a certain thing, they have different motives than they would in the same situation. - For example, if someone's late, they are automatically doing it on purpose, rather than getting stuck in traffic or a million other things, and this leads to unnecessary drama and conflicts.

Overly needy people have trouble being fun and playful.People generally have a hard time committing to people who act emotionally dependent.

The point here is that if you allow yourself to become too emotional and fearful in situations with a partner, your behaviour will act against you and not for you.

You have to get a grip, be prepared for explosive situations in relationships.You need to think before you act or speak.Try being calm.

The more you practice this, the easier and more natural things will become.

Where's my man?

I got thinking, everybody seems to be getting hitched. Why on earth am i still single and unattached. I dread celebrating my birthdays now (eeeewoooo!). So i got thinking...Is it true that all the "good men are taken", "Men are dogs", "Men aren't attracted to me".

Are the men the problem or are we the problem? Maybe this could help..let's see!

The truth is a man simply wants to be a man. He wants to be the person who does the asking, chasing and pursuing of the woman.Some of us like to do the pursuing and this in itself is entirely wrong.

Shey, You're looking for your man ba!, besides what i stated above you might want to also do the following which i learnt myself by the way when you are getting to know a potential bloke or better still trying to get his attention.

- Change your thoughts
Get rid of the regular mindset you have about men.You need to start loving men and by the way, not just the good looking ones.Men are irresistably imperfect and full of contradictions - you've just got to love that about them. The truth is that they are just about as sensitive as well and would like to become a part of the mysterious woman's world.

Smile! A man will not know you are interested if you don't show him some form of interest.There are some men that are not naturally inclined to talk to you or ask for a date if there isn't a little action on your part.The Smile is to make him comfortable enough to approach you.Remember, men are just as sensitive and won't want to approach a grouch!...ouch i know that will help...The key to meeting men and allowing them notice you in a good way is to be genuinely friendly and fun.When you do this you radiate warmth and exert a positive energy.

- Do your best to Improve your Physical Appearance
Men are visual, so you've got to be on top of your game here.You've got to look your best on all occasions. Some make up could be really helpful, make it don't have to look like a clown to get noticed...Try finding clothes that fit your body best, makes you feel comfortable and look good, you don't have to squeeze yourself into things that end up making you look ridiculous.Flattering is the key word here.Keep yourself smelling good....smelling like nothing or worse like something horrible is a no no.

- Improve your body language and eye contact skills
Every woman has got to have a good grip on this subject.If you're trying to woo or get a man's attention, you want to appear as feminine as possible.Try walking differently for starters. Walk smoothly, sensually and non - threateningly.If you have to practice go ahead, there's no harm at all. Your stand and posture is just about as important too, standing akimbo gives off aggression, folding your arms tells him you're too serious, but ladies, standing with a tilt with your hands on your waist is believe me a good stand ( sexy and sensual)...try it and tell me the result..lollll...
When talking try making eye contacts.The truth about what you're saying is usually reflected through your eyes.

- Laugh at his Jokes
Guys love girls that make them feel confident and secure.If he's humoring you, it's probably a sign he enjoys your company. Take advantage of the victory by praising his humour with a good natured chuckle.

- Keep your distance
If he sees you too often, he'll start taking you for granted.If you've succeeded far enough with the above might want to consider keeping him curious and interested by not showing up too much.Keep your interactions sacred by limiting communication...Be careful though...Don't disappear all together or you'll make him think he's not needed.

When you put all this together, you will be amazed at how easy it is to attract and meet men.You become intriguing!There are plenty of single and available men out there.So what are you waiting for?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


This article floored me...All i could mutter was yikes!!! when i read the following.
Please join me, you can never tell what you'll learn from this.... I am reserving my comments till the end of this real life tales several women and men brought to the fore...

#1. Trouble says -" I met this woman recently and we hit it off from the start.I tried my best not to mention my marital status but she asked and i had to tell her!That didn't change anything for us though!Things became hotter!We see each other only on saturdays and wow...sparks fly and the sex is out of the world!I have fallen for her big time...but recently I found out she was also married!What a tangled web we weave!Now we are too deep into each other but this is so wrong at so many levels!I keep having second thoughts but as soon as I call her or text her, things get started again!How do I stop this madness????"

#2.What was i thinking says -"I am dating a married man.We Knew each other a long time ago and just picked up where we left off by accident.He swears that he will get a divorce but is concerned about his kids.He takes me on work trips and meets me as much as he can.I love Him and he says he loves me.For the first time i felt ashamed yesterday, when we arrived at the airport and had to seperate before baggage claim so he could meet his family.I was mortified.This is the loneliest relationship I have ever been in."

#3.Been There says -I just got out of a relationship with a married man.Honestly, it was the worst thing i've ever done.He started with Love words too, He gave me nothing but letdowns, disappointments, broken promises, stood me up, made plans that never materialized, etc....Then,if that wasn't enough, you would think that His wife and I was enough! We weren't....He was seeing other people too.Lying, Cheating man all the way!I'm sorry i fell for Him, I'm sorry I ever went to meet him that first time.It's a lonely, lonely road to travel, girls. You're gonna get sucked in and when he leaves you, he's going back to his bed that he shares with his wife, the house he shares with her, his life he shares with her, and their kids.
So, really, really think about it.It isn't worth the heartache and pain.

#4. Confused Bloke says -I've been married about 10 years now and not happy at all.Things are going from bad to worse at home, then out of the blue I met this really attractive young lady at my workplace recently! I got her number and we call and text each other constantly.Our relationship is heating up and moving fast and our first kiss was so magical! At first my attraction to her was purely physical and i love everything about her: her hair, nails, clothes, the way she walks and talks, etc.but as i got to know her intimately I love her as a person and i want so much more of her!I feel depressed sometimes when i think about the people I've hurt and sometimes I wish she can meet someone who can give her 110%.I pray for their forgiveness but i am so in love with her that I can't let her go! She is everything that a man can want and more!I need some advice on how to break off this relationship as gently as possible.

#5. Frustrated says -" I've been seeing a married man for about 8 months.Its honestly the best sex i've ever had in my life that's why i can't stop. I love spending time with him, i'm so happy in some sick way. I wish he could admit he has feelings for me but he never would.I'm so tired of waiting around and always wondering what he's doing or even if he's seeing other girls!Its so wrong but i can't let go. I know deep down what i have to do but the words just don't come out when i want them too".

#6.Relieved says -" I am fresh out a relationship with a married man and I feel good, better than i've felt in months.It feels good to leave while he begs me to come back.I still have my dignity which you'll no doubt lose if you cling to their empty promises.His wife may not be good in bed, may not show him much affection, but they have history and if applicable, children together.
You're worth more than second best, which is exactly what we are when we stay in a relationship with a married man.Don't be the side dish, a good man who'll love you may be passing by.No matter how much he says he loves you, the fact of the matter is that he's going home to lie in her bed after you've given him your body..and he'll too possible be doing what you just did with her.It's nothing but sex and empty promises.No matter what he says you are being USED.

#7.Don't do it says- I started dating a married man seven months ago.Its all fun and games till you're sitting at home by yourself on christmas and easter sunday.Talk about a lesson in humility.There's nothing like spending all the major holidays and weekends by yourself while he has his cake and eats it too.Why is it that i should be so darn appreciative that he makes so much time for me. "Makes Time", are you serious? a man should WANT to be with a woman not have to " make time", for her as if she is some tedious, pain in the ass task.Cheating married and seperated men make me sick.

#8.Laurie says - I am in a relationship with a married man and it is the worst thing I ever did. I will never do this again.They cheat on their wife and they will cheat on you. Please never stoop so low because that is how you will feel after time.

#9. Screaming Inside says - "There is no such thing as an emotionless relationship no matter how you stack your cards..I've been in a relationship with a married man for 8 years..Get out while you can, it will never end in your favor.

#10. Can't let go says - I've been with my MM about a year or so and let me say that i have never felt so happy in my entire life! He shows me such a great time that I don't think anyone else can compare to him! At the same time I have never felt so lonely!!! I wish i can be with him constantly and he is all i think of!!!I know this sounds like obsession but its love!!!The most difficult thing i have ever done is trying to break up with him!!!Things didn't go well at all and now i miss him like crazy!!!.

#11. Shouldn't have says - I am currently in a relationship with a married man.It's not a good relationship.We have been dating and having great sex for a year. He and I work together.It is very hard on me and very hard to end.We work very closely and nearly spend all our time together. He is a great guy and i would like to find someone like him in the future (minus the wife). I'm trying to be strong and get out of this relationship but it is very, very hard. He has no plans of leaving his wife and i know this can only end badly. My advice to all women out there..don't get involved with a married's too complicated and only hurts your heart.There are plenty single guys out there, i'm going to get me one.

I am giving a big sigh shouldn't hurt..but it seems everyone here is hurting badly...yeah want to blame them...go on, remember never judge this could have been you.

The list of stories go on..its a long list...i only took a few from it....but if you're interested in searching or reading more, you are very free to go to

I won't comment, i'll just tell you what i learnt....Dating a married man is having great sex relished with great amounts of loneliness, depression and hurt. You are simply just a distraction, something different, someone to boost his ego and placate his wandering lust,His sexual variety. He's going to get tired and move on to the next're cheating with him, he going to cheat on you...(heartbreaking) but true.Its a waste of time....months and years invested in a dead route.Endless lies, deception and worries.

Thinking about it, the list is simply endless.....

But remember and keep this in perspective, you chose to be in this situation, you can remove yourself if you so desire and when you desire.

Exciting Job Offers!!!!

A leading provider of services and solutions in Information Technology seeks to recruit bright, highly skilled professionals to join their team.

They are therefore recruiting professionals to fill the following positions:

The Head of Business Development will be responsible for the Sales and Marketing functions.

Responsibilities Include:
Close sales deals
Develop, manage and motivate the sales team to achieve sales targets.
Maintain relationships with key accounts.

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Minimum of 7 (seven) years experience in selling; must have managed a sales team for a minimum of 3 years out of the seven years of active sales experience.
A first degree
MBA is desirable but not compulsory
Must be target driven and confident
Must be able to formulate and implement robust business strategies.

How to apply
Send resume / cv to and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.


Responsibilities Include:
Sell solutions around Cisco Technologies.

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Prior experience with Cisco Technologies.
Must have passed Cisco Certification Exams.
A first degree.
Experience in solution selling.

How to apply
Send resume / cv to and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.

The Account Manager – Training is required to position and sell learning solutions.

Responsibilities Include:
Selling learning solutions

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Minimum of 3 (three) experience in selling
A first degree
Must be target driven and confident
Knowledge of IT Industry is an advantage
Prior knowledge in training is an advantage

How to apply
Send resume / cv to and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.

The Training and Implementation Engineers are required to deliver training on advanced Microsoft solutions.

Responsibilities Include:
Deliver trainings on advanced Microsoft solutions i.e. Exchange/SQL/Sharepoint.

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Minimum of 4 (four) years industry or training experience.
A first degree
Must have good customer service orientation
Must be target driven and confident

How to apply
Send resume / cv to and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.

The Human Resources Manager will be responsible for managing the HR Function.

Responsibilities Include:
Formulating and implementing HR Strategy
Recruit and Selection
Manage staff
Design and administer Compensation and Benefits
Staff Welfare
Staff Disciplinary
HR and Company Policies
Oversee Admin Functions.
Manage staff exit processes
Design and Maintain Performance Management framework

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Minimum of 4 (four) years experience in Human Resources.
A first degree

How to apply
Send resume / cv to and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.

Jobs at Globacom

Marketing Manager
Minimum of Bachelor's degree in Business Administration and other relevant discipline; MBA or other relevant post graduate qualifications and training will be an advantage; Minimum of 8 years cognate experience in business planning environment out of which 2 years must be in the telecoms industry

e-mail to

Branding Executive Ref: BE
Minimum of Bachelor's degree in Social Science, Arts, and other relevant disciplines; Relevant post graduate degree and/or professional qualifications will be an advantage; Minimum of 2 years cognate experience in sales branding; experience in branding sales channel and various route to market

Branding Manager Ref: BM
Minimum of Bachelor's degree in Social science, Arts and other relevant disciplines; Relevant post graduate degree and/or professional qualifications will be an advantage; Minimum of 5 years cognate experience in brand management; broad experience in sponsorship and events

Events & Sponsorship Manager Ref: ESM
Minimum of Bachelor's degree in Social Science. Arts and other relevant disciplines; Relevant post graduate degree and/or professional qualifications will be an advantage; Minimum of 5 years cognate experience in events organization and management; broad experience in sponsorship and events

Human Resources
e-mail to

Human Resources Manager
Minimum of a Bachelor's degree; Masters degree will be an added advantage; Minimum of 10 years cognate experience; Experience in Telecommunications industry will be an advantage

Administration & Fleet Manager
Minimum of a Bachelor's degree; Masters degree will be an added advantage; Minimum of 8 years cognate experience; Experience in Telecommunications industry will be an advantage

Minimum of Bachelor's degree with Second Class Upper in Computer Engineering, Electronics and other relevant disciplines; Relevant post graduate degree and/or professional qualifications will be an advantage; Minimum of 5 years cognate experience in a telecoms company; PABX links to various Customer care applications; Oracle RDBMS, P-Account (Account), Web server, UNIX, LAN, MS Office; Experience in LAN/WAN administration; Good understanding of billing and prepaid systems
Method of Application.

The application with CV and scanned passport photograph should be mailed by July 15, 2008 to the e-mail address for each job category
Use the reference as subject matter for your e-mail

Jobs: Customer Sales Agents at Kimberly Ryan
Jobs: Customer Sales Agents at Kimberly Ryan
Job Details
*The ideal candidates will be educated to OND degree level or its equivalent, have previous customer service/sales experience, be fluent in written and spoken English and be IT Literate. *Interested candidates should send an updated CV with mobile and email contact to the email address below;

Other Job Information
Job Role: Other
Job Location: Lagos
Job Status: Full_Time
Career level: Experienced
Job Experience (yrs): 0
Industry: Other
Job Minimum Qualification: OND

Send application to:

International Airline Is Recruiting Customer Service Agents (ond)

One of the world’s leading airlines seeks customer-oriented individuals with a passion for service to join the team to deliver an upgraded travel experience to it’s esteemed customers in Nigeria.

Position: Customer Sales Agents / Customer Service AgentsThe ideal candidates will be educated to OND degree level or its equivalent, have previous customer service/sales experience, be fluent in written and spoken English and be IT Literate.

Key Competencies for this role include good communication skills, good interpersonal skills, ability to work under pressure, cultural awareness and sensitivity, ability to use initiative, good team working and handling challenges. ,

Interested candidates should send an up to date CV with
mobile and email contact to:

Nigerian Turkish College Needs Teachers

Nigeria Turkish College Abuja is expanding come September 2008 with co-educational, boys (boarding) and girls (boarding) in the same site. If u would like to work here. Come around and submit your CV before end of July.

Educational background is a necessary condition and u must be prepared 2 work,

Venue: Plot 152 Ahmadu Bello way,
near Banex Plaza,
by MTEL office


Monday, July 14, 2008

Break Ups

I am dedicating this article to all my friends going through a break up right now.

Breaking up with someone you have once nursed the feeling of sharing your whole life with is one very painful experience no one wishes to go through. They are seldom easy to handle in the beginning, but given time and following these ideas, you can lessen the pain, protect yourself and successfully get over the person.

1. Stop all communications - This involves making phone calls and text messaging.Avoid sending emails.If you will be tempted to call him, delete his phone number from your, avoid going to the places you usually went to together while you're grieving, Let go of pictures of you together, etc..

2. Allow yourself to cry - Release all the suppressed energy.Cry and release all the emotions and chemicals from your body.

3. Get your feelings out by finding solace with family and friends.Express your anger, sorrow, hurt. Verbalize them, put them into writing if you want, just get it out.Don't try to suppress any of them.

4. Be reasonable and Amicable. Break ups don't have to be nasty or filled with revenge plots. In venting channel your emotions to writing or talking with family and friends, not the person who broke up with you. Avoid rubbing salt into an already bad wound.

5. Meditate and Pray - Turn to God....He's close to the broken hearted.

6. Take care of yourself - This is the time to do everything in your power to stay very healthy. The resulting feeling of most break ups is shock, depression, and tardiness. Avoid eating unhealthy meals or taking pills or alcohol to suppress the pain.

7. Keep Busy - Get yourself completely distracted. It helps to remain engaged. Take classes, get involved with your interests. Don't run away or try to hide.

8. Surround yourself with love - This could be friends, family, whoever you find that nourishes, supports and comforts you. Most break ups leave people second guessing their identity and worth.Reach to others who can help.

9. Give yourself time to heal - The need to distract shouldn't force you to start a new relationship to feel less lonely.It's unfair to you as well as the other party.You might end up going through another cycle.

10. Hold unto the hope of newness - There's always life after a break up.Hold onto the hope even if does not feel like the pain will ever end. Keep telling yourself, that the pain will pass.

Making a list might make it seem easy, its not....But the truth is you'll get by and the pain will long i can't assure you...but it will end...



Why do Men Lose Interest - The role of SEX (II)

I want to use the opportunity to thank Hiconsulting for the comment posted on my blog, i also thank those who couldn't post but gave their answers verbally.

I realized in the course of handling the issue, there was great need for caution. That was why viewer comments were being requested for.

The role of sex in a man's lose of interest in a relationship can never be overemphasized, but cannot always be placed as the reason for most failures in relationships. Case in point, we have seen relationships that never had any sexual intimacy fall apart and those who did have sexual intimacy last for as long as it i gather, its not the major reason why men lose interest. It could simply be any of the reasons given in part 1.

Human need for emotional connection, love, care, attention and intimacy is very powerful making it a need for some to have sexual intimacy in relationships.The inability to differentiate between sex and intimacy has however created a lot of problems.

A man gives love to have sex, while women give sex for the saying goes. The truth is never farfetched from this because, women oftentimes mistake sex for love.

Sex is never a cure for loneliness, neither is a solution to fixing or maintaining a relationship.The need to use sex as a bait or a manipulative tool in a relationship will never guarantee a deep rooted relationship, rather it would only lead to resentment on the man's part and more disappointment for the woman.

Sex is not love, you cannot make a man stay or love you by giving him what you think he needs.

P.S, This is not to say sex is not fun, exciting and fabulous, but it should never be mistaken for love.

There are certainly men out there who respect women enough to not use them for their sexual pleasures, and it is also very true that there are guys who just want to cut to the chase and get going, after settling into the woman's psych with all the deception applicable. Suffice to say, it is not entirely the men's fault, because it takes two....( and i'll leave it at that for now)

A man whose aim is to sleep with you and walk, shows major symptoms of "IMMATURITY". Anyone who takes bed hopping as a sign of validation of his/her existence shows a lack of character, judgement and worst of all self esteem. The absence of emotional and spiritual maturity plays a major role in prompting his decisions.
Here, the maturity i refer to has nothing to do with age or physical strength, i refer simply to the ability to make responsible decisions

Ladies do not be confused,if you so desire intimacy and would love to maintain and keep your relationship, do not expect that sex will bring it to you.

There is something about delayed gratification. The need to wait no matter the pressure. Both parties would be giving themselves room to truly grow, know, respect and appreciate themselves but most of all, get to know the true intimacy that comes from sharing friendship,joy, sadness, fears and worries. This form of deep intimacy cannot be gotten from sex.

P.S, Be clear,SEX IS NOT LOVE.

Keyshia cole -Heaven sent

Now isnt she fab...she's one of my favorite artists of all this song makes me rock any day, her...

Friday, July 11, 2008

I am simply "Thankful"

I stand today simply in awe of God's Faithfulness and i say "Bianule"...come and see what the good Lord has done.

Having done all i possibly know, in every human facet...i surrender and give it all to the Almighty God, my Father, The All Sufficient, The All knowing and all wise God.

O the depths of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are His Judgements, and His ways past finding out!
For who has known the mind of the Lord? or who has been His counsellor
or who has first given to Him and it shall be recompensed unto Him again.
For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things:
to Him be all glory for ever, Amen......Romans 11: 33 - 36

Today, I thank the Lord for Life.
I am grateful because i can arise from my bed after a sleep that could have crossed me over to eternity and this could have only been possible because He himself chose to sustain me.

I thank Him for my family and friends, who have stuck with me through thick and thin. Loving me, caring for me and supporting me.

I thank Him for the opportunities and benefits he daily loads me with. The chance to grow, live and learn, to forgive, forget and love inspite of it all.

I thank Him for the enemies that rose up against me with great trials, temptations and persecutions. Had they not risen, i would never have known the victory He given me.

I thank Him for wisdom in deciphering opportunities. Knowing the ones i should hold onto and the ones i should let go.

I thank Him for the relationships that have worked and those that never materialized. I thank Him for the people that have stayed with me inspite of my flaws and i thank Him for the ones that have walked, it was simply because they could walk away, for had they stayed i would never have met the right ones.

I thank Him for the delays. They have taught me what it meant to wait and be patient. Given me the strength to know there are times and there are definately seasons and that no matter how long, my store house will without a doubt be filled.

I thank Him because of the Inheritance i possess in Him. I thank Him for the Garment of salvation He clothe me with, the Robe of Righteousness he endowed me, the cloak of praise He showered me with inspite of the madness around me.

I thank Him for preservation from Death,witholding my frail body from sickness, diseases and infirmity. Preserving me, friends and family from the dominating influence of disaster, ignominy, shame and reproach the world brings. Shielding me from all these by His word...Psalm 91....Guarding me consistently from harmsway, giving His Angels absolute charge over me.

I thank Him for His unending grace and mercy. Never failing, never ending. Consistently standing as a reminder for me inspite of my flaws and failings.

There are so many things I thank you for, things seen and those unseen. But most importantly, I thank you because you're not only My God and Father,You are my Friend, Lover, Savior,Protector, My Glory and Shield.
All of this are insufficient to describe your faithfulness or who you are in its entirety.

I therefore come to this conclusion as my Fathers in Faith would and have and i proudly and unashamedly say, looking beyond myself or what i might be faced with right now to say that even if you refuse to remain God, You will forever be mine.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Why do Men Lose Interest - The role of SEX

A little while ago, i got an visible this is..don't know...but I am so anxious to figure this out anyway.

I am going to be asking a couple of my friends from facebook and other areas to join and help in answering this question.

Please folks i urge you to post all your comments on this matter on this site only.

I look forward to hearing from you.



It is very wise that you have more than one stream of income, this way, if any of your streams fail, you can always fall back on the other. This will help you avoid the common need to go borrowing. Think about it, the borrower is always servant to the lender.
Small scale businesses ranges from tinzy winzy ideas such as Selling pants to Selling mobile phones, It is your responsibility to decide what your flare is and what is generally accepted in the ever growing market.
Outlisted are a few tips that can help you in starting up and sustaining your business.
  1. The need to save up as much money as possible before starting.

Most people go into business without any savings, exclusively using loan money. They expect to start paying back right away from their profits, forgetting or not knowing at all that most business only make profit over a long period of time.

A better plan however, is to save up as much of the needed investment money as possible.

2. The need to start on a shoe string.

Think big but start small. Don't rush off to rent premises if you can work somewhere else. Don' t hire employees either until you're sure you can pay them and keep them busy.

3. Protect your personal assets

Get an insurance for all your valuable assets, shouldn't cost much.

4. Know on a long term basis if and how you will make profit.

5. Make a business plan no matter how short. This helps you focus, even when you get to cross roads.

6. Get a competitive edge -

With respect to this, you have to understand who your competitors are. Even if you do have them, distinguish your products such that no one can imitate them, find ways to distribute them more efficiently, get yourself a conducive location or the most important offer superior customer service.

7. Protect your trade secrets.

Examples: Protect your customer lists, survey methods, marketing strategies and manufacturing techniques.

8. Put all your agreements into writing, no matter how small. For example, get into the habit of giving receipts on all goods and services, deposits, sales.

I think you can ponder on these while you're at it..they sure can help.


Reason He lost Interest in u

In my second article, I mentioned that my next article on relationships would be about the reason men walk away even when the relationship is so gooooood…, I am however, going to be rephrasing the title from what I said it would be to Possible reasons a man would lose interest in a relationship and ways you can avoid it.

P.S, There are never 100% how to’s in relationships, so I am going to state this categorically to you.
Will this work for everyone?

Certainly not,

Will it work for some?


The goal however, is to incorporate, view and see if this applies to you and ways it could help.
Pondering on how to convey this to you effectively, I had to review my past and present relationships. I realized that most of my relationships had gone sour even before they materialized simply because I consistently towed the lines of these common pitfalls I am going to be listing out to you.

It could be downright frustrating after experiencing the love and attention of someone only to find out unexpectedly that he’s not just into you anymore. It would probably not be much of a deal when this happens with one or two guys, but if this now becomes a regular experience with men over and over, it would be hard not to take this personally and not start believing that there’s something about you that turns men off.

It is time to look within and see if this consistent roller coaster ride has something to do with you...

Are you the needy, clingy, dependent kind?
Men generally everywhere find it very difficult to handle women who show signs of these tendencies. Good and attractive men have met lots of women and can easily tell the needy ones, who usually rush relationships, cling too hard and are consistent drama queens. If you are this type, you automatically send a message to the guy in question that you’re not going to be fun to be with on the long term.

Get a hold of yourself if you are and find you. Commit squarely to finding your own centre and stop depending on any one to complete or validate you. Men feed off what you give off and whether you like it or not, you are constantly giving off something.

Are you boring and uptight?
Most Men love humor. They love to have a good a time every chance they get. If you generally don’t have much to say, don’t have ideas to contribute or share, or special ways of responding to what he says, thinks or believe, you will not be getting attention for a long time.

We all know how boring dates could be when your partner doesn’t just know what to say or generally how to respond to common and innocent jokes….it’s really awkward..Believe me that’s when the yawning starts……Nobody wants to stick around with anyone who makes you count the hours, it’s very frustrating.

You might be saying in your head right now, how then can I be interesting?

It’s simple!

You can always start by being exposed and enlightened. You could take time consciously to learn about yourself, your environment, read books, watch shows, go out, try out the things you’ve always wanted to do, engage yourself in meeting new people. Doing most of these, you automatically begin to form your views on issues thereby, giving you more materials to think about. Also, this will not only help you go far in improving your dating life but your day – to – day life with co – workers, friends and family. All of which you didn’t ever think existed and were available.

Most importantly in your relationship, find out the things he really likes, the things he likes to talk about, his hobbies, interests. For example, your man is a huge fan of one of the top premiership clubs, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing stops you from carving a niche around his hobbies. You are not only going to be fostering your relationship but enlightening yourself.

Are you annoyingly predictable?
Too much familiarity usually brings resentment. If a man knows how you are going to react or what you are going to say, then chances are that he won’t be thinking about you very often.

When you are lively and unpredictable, and by unpredictable, I am talking about you not doing the “obvious” the things he expects from you like not giving off the tone of voice he gets constantly, stopping the consistent naggings and bitching, avoiding the complaints and whining, reducing your excessive display of emotions, reducing the need to constantly compliment and advice, and finally stop the constant and repeated phone calls and text messaging. Nothing annoys me more in these entire category, even as a chic.

Once you’ve successfully put yourself together in the light of the above listed, he’ll be forced to spend time thinking about you and trying to figure you out.

Do you talk too much and listen less?
The Book of Proverbs says that even when a fool is quiet, he is considered wise. No matter how smart you are, if you constantly go on and on about yourself, dominating conversations, you eventually tire your partner out and bore them. Nothing is worse than a pretty fool.

Being quiet and listening with love is an attribute that we must all consider imbibing into our everyday lives. It is never a sign of weakness; rather it is filled with strength.

How do I listen with love?

It is listening with total and rapt attention with the intent of creating a deeper and meaningful connection and to totally understand the other party.

Everybody wants to be understood, heard, even when what they say is the most absolute rubbish ever. It won’t cost you anything to not judge or multi -task at that time…just listen.

Are you an excessive feminist?
If you are, you need to get off your high horse. No man who is willing to get married to a woman wants to be married to one who acts like a man, showing him she can be all a man can be. All too independent, with a lot of ego flying around.

Some men like these and some simply can’t stand it. I hate to break it to, but the majority of those who don’t outweigh those who do.

Men want the women who need them, who possess feminine voice, character and etiquette.

I won’t say more than this, please just get off your high horse, we all need these men, however, bad some of them are.

Have you lost yourself?
What this questions is how attractive you are. This might be a cruel fact, but it definitely rings a bell. It is a known fact that men are visual and they will only go for who catches their eye.

There are many reality shows out there today, examples, The American Idol, The Bachelor and Bachelorette… (I am sticking to this one’s for a cause so go along and don’t be distracted).
Packaging is always important, no unattractive contestant, no matter the talent has made the finals, simply because something’s just missing. You go for interviews and you’re not chosen simply because on the attraction level, you simply failed to connect. It’s a hard knock but the truth…which wawwaaaw, unattractive chic has ever won silver bird’s MBGN….picture that…

Nobody is asking you to be less of yourself, you are only asked to take care of yourself…it’s that simple.
If your man likes you making up, take make –up classes if you must and look good, if he likes them slim or heavily bodied, impress him but please don’t go overboard.

The idea here is to improve your looks and be more attractive. Dress well, clean up after you, put on a smile..that’s a knock out in being attractive, smell good, look sexy, carry yourself with pride and dignity, so he can easily point you out in a crowd and proudly say that’s my babe and not duck his head in shame.

Truth be told, we just have to remain physically attractive.

Are you tied to your past?
There are several ways this can affect you and your relationship. The disadvantage of holding onto your past is that it stunts your ability to be emotionally and physically intimate with your partner.

Now the intimacy I refer to here has nothing to do with being sexual. I refer simply to the joy of being in each other’s company, walking together or sharing a deep conversation.

If you do not disconnect from your past the true joy of intimacy that generates into trust, mutual understanding, romantic feelings of tenderness and longing to be cherished will not be experienced.

Are you selfish?
A man wants to know if your attraction for him is just only on his physical being, as supposed to his entire well being.

Our character no matter how long it is hidden somehow on the long run gets revealed. A sure way to make a man lose interest is to be selfish and consistently seek what’s in it for you.

Try if you can to approach him constantly and consistently with a sincere and delicate mixture of qualities. Focus on him and not what he’s got. Be genuinely interested in his fears, thoughts, hopes and dreams.

Simply put him at ease with these characteristics.

Finally, I delibrately saved this for last because it generates a lot of contradictions and it has to do with "SEX".
I will say little or barely anything on this matter, why because…uhmmm….it’s tricky. Right now there are two questions bouncing around in my head.
i. Will a man leave you once he has sex with you?
ii. Will he love you more?
I will save answering this for my next article, which is probably coming sooner than I expect myself.

There is never a guarantee in dating that a man won't lose interest in you at any point. By paying attention to the above, you might improve your chances of keeping any guy's attention and interest, making every time spent with you a wonderful experience and then also come across as a desirable and attractive woman, which won't give him any reason to leave.

See you soonest…