Monday, September 29, 2008


I am doing this article for greyamethyst, i really like that chic and i can't help but hurt with her.Seriously relationships are hard, take a good look at the percentage of articles posted by a good number of bloggers and it has to do with alot of relationship hiccups.Its good for some,yet sorely bad for others.Its so painful and the question is...should relationships be this hard?
I won't lie to you,but this post had been done before,but i had to revisit it.
Understanding the purpose of a thing determines how it is going to be utilized.This is why i advocate seriously that a woman be exactly CLEAR for herself when a man isn't measuring up, and that it is NOT HER FAULT and in most cases there is little one can do about it.

The purpose of any relationship is to grow.If there is no growth, the essence of the relationship is defeated.It is simply understanding what wasn't working,and the old roles you played, which all has to die inorder for you to grow.

It is important we become very honest with ourselves and what's really going on around us.Life is too short to hang around something that isn't good for you or makes you unhappy.The truth is to avoid trading your happiness, insights, or emotional wellbeing for someone's love or approval. It is downright frustrating and more often than not a surety for failure.

You and I know those relationships where you really care about or love someone, but it isn't just working!We try by all means to make or fix things by doing nice things, showing more love and what we get in return is more withdrawal and utter neglect. We make silly excuses for what's going on with our supposed partner by obssessing about what's wrong with US instead of having the confidence to take a good look at what your mate is really doing wrong and accepting this as the reality of the situation.

We all have our differences, we are never the same..our backgrounds,views, opinions, ethics are different, man and women reason differently.Understanding and communicating this clearly without any biases determines greatly how well put together a relationship can or should be.
If we have people in our lives who just can't seem to accept us or put up with us, then fine!It's their loss not our's, trying to play the role of the convincer is just a waste of time and emotion, As Donald Trump said in the first season of the apprentice, "Taking the begging route,never makes you win"
I realized we don't have to be sorry for who we are or how we were created,we could only be sorry for the errors and accidental mistakes we make and strive to be better, but not entirely kill ourselves about them.
Those who can leave us, can do so because they can...for if they had been for us, they would not have left us at all.
Its sad and very depressing when a relationship ends,it seems like a part of us just dies,like the person takes a part of us and disappears with  it.Its the severing that makes us think we can't go on,but truthfully we can and when the time passes, we look back, see that we have survived.
I have seen friends crack seriously at the end of a relationship,took the begging route and yet didn't suceed.Some can handle their feelings,yet others can' blame laying here....we are all wired differently.
Suffice to say, when one party quits then we should quit too..abeg this doesn't apply to marriages oh!...we sure can't beg anyone to stay.Its entirely their choice.If they let go, we should also do the same.
Ok if you think that differently,please share your views.My stand on the matter is that we can't make anyone stay with us,if they don't want to.

Friday, September 26, 2008

In the absence of not knowing!

In the absence of not knowing what to write for a full four days, going in and out of emotions.I have decided to say -

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

And yes i have this great gal and her sister doing a tour around africa by road,by ferry and stuff.I think they are so cool.Naija babes oh! I wish i had them guts!

Thanks to everybody who commented on my previous all rock.

ehn ehn their blog site is , i seriously advocate that you check em out and give your support.

To everyone in Naija, wishing u all a very restful public holiday.


Monday, September 22, 2008

Dating a matured man

Have you ever been in a relationship where Mr. Man became bratty, self righteous, ego centric and self centred as days went by?

I wish to be able to identify myself how to differentiate between a matured man and jerk from the moment i set my eyes on him, thats why i researched for this article.

Have you ever noticed that immature men can't just simply hold on to relationships as well as a matured man can.

P.S, All round physical attractiveness is not an identifying mark for maturity.

In my short study of the above mentioned topic, i realized the following tid bits that i would lllllooooovvvvveeee to share with you.Believe me, this is a good bet for your time and attention.

A matured man can stay calm in the storm and know how to rightly deal with situations.They understand how to remain calm even when things are their most intense and uncertain.This level of groundedness is something most women and I, might i add, love and appreciate about men when things go awry.Criticize a matured man and he will take it positively.

Immature men on the other hand, can't handle a woman's real feelings.He would simply fall apart when even the slightest hint of conflict or tension comes up. He will take it as a personal attack and gripe about it for a long time.Criticize him and the whole world would crumble.

A Matured man can handle your most intense feelings and remain honest and thoughtful when you share them (although they might not always agree with you). They understand the word called "Forgiveness".

An Immature man becomes unsettled and react negatively when a woman is the least bit honest and concerned about anything.To them any need to converse is referred to as drama or unecessary worry or details.

I reckon however that the ideal way to clearly distinct a matured man from a jerk is his ability to listen and communicate in a calm and loving way when a woman is at her most intense with him.
Choosing a man who already has this quality of remaining calm in the storm can and will make everything in your relationship much easier.


Being conscious about how one communicate feelings with your man, is the sign of a healthy and matured woman.

What's His relationship like with others? Tell me who your friends are and i will tell you who you says that adage. You want to differentiate, watch his relationships with others, who he moves around with!If he has a hard time nurturing and communicating in his relationship with his family, friends and colleagues, then check his maturity level.
If he handles conflicts and issues with patience, compassion and understanding, and a positive attitude that has the goal of a positive and loving outcome in mind, its a good bet to assume this is how he will handle things that might come up with you.

However, if he takes offence whenever anyone sees him as less than perfect...or he instantly defends himself, redirects can bet he will not handle things well with you.

A relationship to a matured man is of high importance, he takes pride in his partner..differences irrespective.Even if they have to break up, issues are resolved amicably without any rifts.
An Immature man however, blows things out of proportion, takes pleasure in being spiteful,strifeful and unforgiving.Always puts self first and thinks of what is only best for himself.

The clarity i have gotten from the following is a world changer and i must say i am pleased with myself.It has not only empowered me, but helped from stop worrying so much about what men are thinking and doing and start moving towards what is best and appropriate in finding someone who is well grounded and respectful.
I realized you could actually tell alot about a person's maturity level from the very moment you meet them.That is why it is advised strongly that a woman shouldn't jump into bed with a man you don't know, i mean strongly advised....time spent getting to know yourself outside sexual intimacy shows for real, the true character of a person...remember familiarity breeds contempt. The hurt and betrayal that comes from partners involved in sex (especially for the woman)is far greater than when you have avoided sexual intimacy early on in a relationship....there's a level of respect you have for yourself within yourself...(u alone can testify to that) seeing how the person turns out to be at the end of the day.

P.S, Somethings in life are never to be regretted, cos in actual fact, that were eye openers and life changers.E.g. Think about the man you had secretly had a crush on and fantasized about for years.You finally came together and suddenly you realized that they were not much of it after all...Just a waste of emotions and time, selfish, annoying and utterly disrespectful...that's to mention a few....and you say to yourself... what a shame!...was it worth it afterall...

Please for the love of God, put aside your waning feelings for a sec and open your friggin eyes..there are jerks out there claiming to be men...beware!

Now that I know what they act and behave like,then i know He can't love me and be selfish at the same time....

"I don talk my own, i dey wait for your own!"


I stand today simply in awe of God's Faithfulness and i say "Bianule"...come and see what the good Lord has done.

Having done all i possibly know, in every human facet...i surrender and give it all to the Almighty God, my Father, The All Sufficient, The All knowing and all wise God.

O the depths of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are His Judgements, and His ways past finding out!
For who has known the mind of the Lord? or who has been His counsellor 
or who has first given to Him and it shall be recompensed unto Him again.
For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things:
to Him be all glory for ever, Amen......Romans 11: 33 - 36

Today, I thank the Lord for Life. 
I am grateful because i can arise from my bed after a sleep that could have crossed me over to eternity and this could have only been possible because He himself chose to sustain me.

I thank Him for my family and friends, who have stuck with me through thick and thin. Loving me, caring for me and supporting me.

I thank Him for the opportunities and benefits he daily loads me with. The chance to grow, live and learn, to forgive, forget and love inspite of it all.

I thank Him for the enemies that rose up against me with great trials, temptations and persecutions. Had they not risen, i would never have known the victory He given me.

I thank Him for wisdom in deciphering opportunities. Knowing the ones i should hold onto and the ones i should let go.

I thank Him for the relationships that have worked and those that never materialized. I thank Him for the people that have stayed with me inspite of my flaws and i thank Him for the ones that have walked, it was simply because they could walk away, for had they stayed i would never have met the right ones.

I thank Him for the delays. They have taught me what it meant to wait and be patient. Given me the strength to know there are times and there are definately seasons and that no matter how long, my store house will without a doubt be filled.

I thank Him because of the Inheritance i possess in Him. I thank Him for the Garment of salvation He clothe me with, the Robe of Righteousness he endowed me, the cloak of praise He showered me with inspite of the madness around me.

I thank Him for preservation from Death,witholding my frail body from sickness, diseases and infirmity. Preserving me, friends and family from the dominating influence of disaster, ignominy, shame and reproach the world brings. Shielding me from all these by His word...Psalm 91....Guarding me consistently from harmsway, giving His Angels absolute charge over me.

I thank Him for His unending grace and mercy. Never failing, never ending. Consistently standing as a reminder for me inspite of my flaws and failings.

There are so many things I thank you for, things seen and those unseen. But most importantly, I thank you because you're not only My God and Father,You are my Friend, Lover, Savior,Protector, My Glory and Shield.
All of this are insufficient to describe your faithfulness or who you are in its entirety.

I therefore come to this conclusion as my Fathers in Faith would and have and i proudly and unashamedly say, looking beyond myself or what i might be faced with right now to say that even if you refuse to remain God, You will forever be mine.
P.S...I got a call from another bank for a chat..and guess what the funny thing is..i dont know anybody there, i have never written any aptitude test, yet they have called me like three times between last week and now.
God is Simply Good.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tension!..Just for the sake of giving it a title

P.S* Peeps.This is not a post in any way.I am just looking for a way to relieve myself of tension.

Please do not mind me!

In the last one year now i have been doing an entrance level interview with the Equitorial Trust Bank(ETB). The time difference between each interview is usually very long and depressing.On several ocassions, i have given up on the search for that particular job offer.

Again after about 7 months, i was called for the final stage interview.I have been waiting again for the last two weeks to be called. Only for me to receive a call from one d peeps i did the interview with that she had just gotten her offer letter. I was happy for her yet distraught at the same time,y..because i have not received any such call.

I have been calling quite a number of people who did the interview with me and the response i get is in the affirmative. Oh dear!..i want this job so badly.I am almost at the point of a panic attack.

I am freaking out, my palms are sweaty, i am so anxious.My spirit keeps telling me to relax but i can't just seem to put myself up to it.I don't want this opportunity to pass me by, i so need this change.

Oh God! Please help me.

P.S* I warned you oh..this is not a post oh...i can't even concentrate on doing blog rounds.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Today i am so emotional,but in a very good way.Why because in a short amount of time,not only has my life changed, my entire thought process has been rekindled and has received the capacity to be renewed on a continous basis.

Everyone needs companionship, nobody and i repeat,nobody is supposed to be ever alone. We don't have to go thru the ups and downs of life alone. We were created for companionship, no one is born an island. You were made for me and i for you. The purpose of our meeting is such that i might be better than how you found me.

With you i have learnt to develop a good attitude inspite of what i face.To keep my focus in the right place and not on my problems.Understanding the need to have a sense of humor and not be uptight and shrewd.

With you i have learnt that happiness increases my chances of attracting my much desired need unlike sadness, that tends to sap away my almost already diminished strength.

With you i have learnt to be open minded, transparent and honest, for who knows through my giving, someone else might receive life for today. Never to take anyone for granted,but hold  every person in high esteem.No harm in being kind.

With you i have learnt to share and not hoard, for to what purpose is it if  a man gains the whole world yet loose his soul.Learnt enthusiasm, open mindedness and empathy.

With you i have learnt courage, to do the much dreaded inspite of my fears...knowing that an airplane doesn't go along with the wind but against the wind.With this i have learnt no to cower in fear but be courageous and strong.

With you i have learnt motivation.Learnt how to have fun,yet acquiring knowledge at the same time.Here i have come to understand the true meaning of venting knowing that i have peeps like you watching my back.Her i am safe,free and unafraid to be myself in my quest of being successful. Here my secrets are safe.

With you i have learnt that everybody goes through the same stuff i do in varying proportions and everyone that i know from here has lived through them in one way or the other. I have learnt that mess ups are real and common,yet never forgetting the fact that we are simply human.I have learnt the need for forgiveness and the need to repent when wrong.

With you i have come to understand the true depth of love that cuts across sharing,caring,understanding,forgiving and not being judgemental. Understanding that people do respond to openness, sincerity and genuiness and that the strength of one's character is duly displayed in adversity.

With you my self esteem that has been ripped to shreds has been boosted, i have earned a sense of belonging in your presence.I have come to understand through you that true joy and fulfillment can only be found being in the centre of God's divine purposes.Landing right smack dab in the middle of his will.

With you i have learnt the true meaning of being a whole, strong and settled woman.Who doesn't have to wait around for prince charming to make life happen for her.I have come to understand what it means to be quite a catch.

I could go on forever stating the things i have learnt knowing you, but i am leaving the rest for you to decide for yourselves....which is to say..what have u learnt from blogsville?

Its been a short journey, but it has been tremendously blissful,fulfilling and satisfying in all ramifications and i have enjoyed everybit of it. Here i am living on a new more mediocrity. I am useful skills are being to put to the test here...the sweet refiners fire.

The "you" that i refer to are the consistent,ardent,ever faithful bloggers on blogsville. I dedicate this post to you all for your drive and zeal to being yourselves and giving room for others to grow and learn through you ever flowing words of encouragement.

We might be from different families,ethnic groups,backgrounds,living in different continents of the world,but ...we are all the family, one blogsville blood flows through us all. We have been made for ourselves. You for me and I for you.

With all my love to the Blogsville Family(not community).

I dedicate this song to you all

Right Here Video

Interesting..I mean very Interesting

In the  last four days i have been wondering what my next post will be.I guess now i know where to start from.

Today, I got an award from EROLyrics. Isn't she just sweet.I am honored,flattered and ecstatic. I didn't know that being myself could earn me this. You made my day very special and i am very thankful.

To EROLyrics..u are a source of inspiration. I wake up each day looking forward to hearing from you, waiting earnestly to know wasap next.You have honored me today.God in HIS infinite mercies will continue to honor you too. I will never forget you.Its been a short while for me here on blogsville,yet knowing you has made me better than i used to be.

And to everyone who has visited,commented,yabbed and sent sweet things to me..God bless ya'll.

I however dedicate and pass on this same award that has been aloted to me to: 

      Tadddaaaa!!!..."Certified Honest Blogger"

Drum roll please....

Free Flowing Florida  .... my one and only.

miss definitely maybe ....ever interesting and inspiring

tigeress .... that's mi girl

parakeet ... i am speechless. u rock!

emilia  ..u're a true diva

Funms .... very cool babe

Afrobabe ... ehn gba!

ibiluv     .. honesty in person...u so deserve the award

enigma u too much

ladyguide .... he caressed me

Shubby doo .... loving ur blog

greyamethyst ur openness

baroque  .... truly unorthodox decorum

jarrai ... sweet bella

originalmgbeke .... 3 exes and a wedding..thats something.

There are a whole list of blogs that deserve this award and i could go on and on.I am loving this peeps...they make blogsville a wonderful place to be at.


The Rules:
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back.
2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing that they have received an award
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).
5. And then pass it on!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Please Help!

Some things, yes are so tinzy winzy that you'd expect that one should know by now...but sometimes you just need to hear other people's take, say or words on the matter, for clarity sake and just to know.

I said sometime a while ago that i met someone,....we hit it off almost immediately.Considering my stuck up self, i was amazed at the way things went.Passions and emotions were flying around so much so that after a week of our meeting...(shamefully speaking) we had sex. It was wonderful..i couldnt believe myself letting go like that but the whole experience for me was interesting.

Its been a month since the encounter of sheet rumbling...we've been talking but no me that feels good,there's no pressure and it gives me a certain assurance that it wasn't all about sex.

Well right now, i am beginning to have doubts....y!....he sent me a message less than an hour ago asking if i was up for "HARD SEX" this weekend....i went blank for a few minutes...infact i didn't feel like replying...i kinda felt upset...he replied again and asked for my response..i still didnt let up..then he said bye..with an emoticon sticking out its tongue....

The first thoughts that swept thru me...was that he was the same as every other man i had met.

I really like this guy...infact he makes me feel like some men are different..but this just blew me...

Am i overreacting?....pls tell me..or is he just beginning to show his traits......Yikks!!!...I am in the running mood right about now....

Kai but i like him oh!!!!...P.S* I hope my family doesn't see this post...they will know i v been cutting corners....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Cons of SOS'

I really thot deeply about this post, thot it would be helpful to share.....

Asking for help is psychologically risky because it triggers a mechanism in the human psyche called the norm of reciprocity. If you give me something—money, advice, time—I must give something to you that we tacitly agree is of roughly equal value. Otherwise we won't sustain an amicable bond for long. Only the churlish keep score overtly, of course, but even generous people get uneasy when one party in a relationship takes and takes and takes without giving anything in return.

1. Frame all your problems as how-to questions
Simply begging for aid when you feel overwhelmed is likely to make honest folks back away, while exploiters smell blood in the water. Instead, you might do better to phrase all your problems as "how" questions: "How do I break through the glass ceiling in this company?" "How should I go about changing this flat tire?" "How can I help cure AIDS?" Whether your problem is tiny or monumental, asking "How…?" means you're a capable person in the process of becoming even more capable—not a charity case or a manipulator's mark.
The more actively you pursue the knowledge and skills to extricate yourself from a mess, the more new sources you'll locate.

2. Locate sources of information and insight
The more specific your how-to questions, the more quickly they'll lead to useful strategies or solutions from individuals, books, TV shows, Web sites and a thousand sources you won't even notice until your attention is primed. As New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman (among others) has pointed out, the accessibility of information has exploded so dramatically over the past few decades that humble individuals can now solve problems and perform feats once reserved for a few elite experts.

"To paraphrase the adage: If you wheedle a fish from someone, you'll eat for a day; if you wheedle advice from a great fisherman, you'll eat for a lifetime."

3. Take fishing lessons
The key here is that you're soliciting help that won't diminish the resources of the other person. Each person's supply of "fish" (funding, energy, time) is limited, but fishing know-how can be replicated infinitely, at negligible cost. Even if you're going with a money problem to your filthy rich uncle, ask for education, not a handout. "Please give me money" is a self-disempowering request. "Please show me how to resolve this financial muddle" is a self-empowering one, even if Uncle Buckmeister also pitches in with a cash donation (which he's much more likely to do for a determined problem-solver than a simple beggar).
If you honestly set out to learn how to untangle your own snafus, you'll find that even people who shy away from raw neediness start offering advice.

4. Receive with gratitude, not grasping
Whether you've asked for it or not, help that's given freely is part of grace, meaning that the only response necessary to satisfy the norm of reciprocity is gratitude. And what I mean by gratitude is not "Thanks…and what else can you do for me?" Grasping at help like a drowning swimmer tends to scare away the resources you've already got, as well as potential assistance.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


According to a new blog site i found which states "EVERYTHING COMES INTO THEIR OWN IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME". I have not only resolved to wait patiently, hold steadfastly,believe endlessly, but also to place this is as a reminder, such that when the fullness of my time appears i would know how to rejoice, and place a hold on where i had been.

In the fullness of time, i am too sure i will meet the man for me..who will not only love me for what i look like, but accept my flaws,live with them and not be stirred by my imperfections.

In the fullness of time, i will also rejoice over that desired job and accordingly give thanks to the Almighty for helping me learn the true meaning of waiting on Him.

Everything i have xperienced till now has been shadows...the best i must say is yet to come.Everyone has their time...i wait resolutely, thankfully, acquiring all that needs acquiring while i wait, fighting the need to give up, yet waiting.

Turn by turn.....i am moving forward.....

When a man loves a woman

Correct me if i am wrong, but when a man loves a woman i think this is what he'll do for her.

His mind is on her. He is consumed with thoughts of protection and provision. He pays close attention to her every word, her wants and desires. He looks for ways to please her, to lavish gifts upon her. If he truly cares about her, he won’t hold back materially…he’ll create little ways, find avenues to meet her needs.

When a man loves a woman he longs to be near her. Nothing else in his day to day life can come close to matching the memory of his time spent with her. He loves the sound of her laughter, the beauty of her smile. He is fascinated with her fluidity and entire personality.

Try to stand in the path of a man who truly loves his woman. Try to separate him from her. Try to keep them apart and you will experience the dedication, the drive, the sheer unrelenting force of his will power. He will move a city to get to her. He will leave everything behind and pursue her with a passion that has little or no regard for others. If you stand in his way he will punish you. You will quickly come to understand the consequences of blocking the path of a man who loves a woman.

When a man loves a woman his heart beats faster when he is with her. Emotions surface that he has no words for. At the mere sound of her voice, butterflies flutter in his chest and belly. 

When a man truly loves a woman, she knows she has been loved. Her body reacts to his slightest touch. Her ears can locate the sound of his whisper in a crowded room. She feels safe in his arms, secure in his presence. She has a peace in her mind when chaos surrounds her. She is confident that the determination and strength of Hercules is at her side.

When a man loves a woman, she is rest assured that he is a fortress for their home.
Sometimes a woman has a tainted past. Do you think he is concerned about the past? He is in love with her. His love for her covers her imperfections. He hopes the very best for her. He can leave her a gift on her pillow for no apparent reason other than to make her smile. He sees the good qualities in her and is blind to anything else.

When a man loves a woman he calls her on the phone in the middle of the day, just to hear her voice. He stops at the store and searches out the things she enjoys. He may not understand why she likes sweets and flowers and silk and delicate things. He may not understand how she finds beauty in jewelry and diamonds. It doesn't matter. He is on a mission. He brings these things to her because he loves her. 
Do you know how far a man will travel who loves a woman? Are you aware of the pain he will endure to reach her? Here is your answer. When a man loves a woman there is no limit to the distance he will go. There is no end to the struggle he will overcome to get to her. A man who loves a woman knows no pain too great. He will shed his blood for her; an adversary or his own, it is of no consequence.

When a woman has been loved by a man, she will know it. There is no mistaking this power with lust or ambition. She will know it and the world around her will know it. Look into her eyes, the evidence is there. You can see it in the way she longs for his touch and no other. If you are in doubt she will tell you quickly, "This is my man, my Prince, my Knight!" 

This should help you know, whether he’s stringing you along or deeply committed to you. Any relationship in my opinion that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for, is too expensive.


Having spent 26+ years without a stable boyfriend...would it be advisable to jump ship and date anyone, just to avoid the alone times????

Monday, September 8, 2008

Deep Feelings

I knew i had to endure, i knew i had to exercise my ability to bear prolonged exertion, pain and hardship despite the present looming circumstance around me to get ahead. For a full week i couldn't do what i had come to love...blogging because i was weighed down immensely.

In my consistent attempt to be the best i can be, be fulfilled and be deeply rooted and satisfied in my niche, the road has been tumultous, frustrating and depressing.Searching intently for my place, where i wouldn't just be one, a regular in the crowd. Deep within my heart, there's an assurance it would be okay, but the ever nagging and present reality sends bolts that are sufficient to wobble the knees.

I need to stay motivated, be confident and reassured resolutely that everything would be alrite.Waiting as it is known is usually worthwhile in the end, but the distance between the beginning and the end is never easy, whether one is waiting for a job, a result, or a phone call.

In the midst of my wait, as the storms begin to rage, my desire to remain grateful begins to wane.My heart wants to remain thankful but my flesh questions the need to be, seeing that things aren't going very well. While i dilly dallied between my decision on gratitude, i stumbled upon what helped....

In everything give thanks..."before now i had wondered how one could give thanks  when everything looked bleak with no hope in sight.But then realised the scripture did not say, for everything but in everything.And why? ...To keep me motivated, inspite of setbacks. Now my gratitude not only keeps me alive but makes me wiser, helping me see beyond where i am. Gratitude according to Melanie Beattie unlocks the fullness of life, turns what we have to enough, and more, turns chaos into order, confusion to clarity, the unexpected to perfect timing and mistakes into important events.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates vision for tomorrow.

Stand Up concert +VMA Highlights

 Singers Pose withL.A Reid and Kenny "Babyface" Edmond.

Hollywood on Friday the 5th of September,2008 stood up against cancer in the much awaited Stand Up to cancer concert. The event attracted various celebs from christina applegate, christina ricci, sheryl crom,david cook,keanu reaves and many more....

The picture below features the top female singers that sang the su2c anthem...just stand up.From L-R, Keiysha cole, Leona Lewis, Fergie,Ciara,Mariah Carey, Beyonce,Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Carrie Underwood,Miley Cyrus,Ashanti, Natasha Bedingfield and Nicole Scherzinger(who by the way is an addition, cos am not sure she sang with them)...

Missing in the list is Sheryl crow...i guess she was busy on the red carpet..., Leann Rimes and Melissa Etheridge...dunno where those ones disappeared to..



Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
Chris Brown, "With You"
Pussycat Dolls, "When I Grow Up"
Linkin Park, "Shadow of the Day"
Lil Wayne, "Lollipop"
Tokio Hotel, "Ready, Set, Go!"
Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
Gnarls Barkley "Run"
Gnarls Barkley "Run"
Erykah Badu "Honey"
Death Cab For Cutie "I Will Possess Your Heart"
White Stripes "Conquest"
Kanye West and T-Pain "Good Life."


Rihanna going goth with disturbia, Solange Knowles looking chic, Britney spears esctatic, ciara uhmmming.

 Paris Hilton &Benji..can she miss it!Naaah, Keri Hilson, Kanye West


Mel B, Jordin Sparks, Nicole Scherzinger


 Rihanna and Chris Brown ....Lovers in tow(Don't they just look cute together.


Unmistakable T-pain, Cute & Rugged Bleu Corbin, Miley Cyrus, Michael Phelps

Pink strutting her white hair, christina looking really boobyyyy

Why do we cheat?

I spent the better part of last week wondering why we do the above....the question that made me ponder the most was what cheating in itself constituted...would it be being physically intimate alone with another person's partner, having inordinate emotional feelings that constitutes cheating or are there other acts that makes one a cheater.

Uhmmm.....i am just wondering....I asked a couple of people what it meant to some answers...still wasn't sufficient to numb my curiosity, so i went in search again...Was my curiosity satisfied....i'll be waiting on your response to decipher that.

Different people have different views as to what constitutes ‘cheating’. For some(gender irrespective) , for the partner simply to look at another  may be regarded as cheating, for others it is being intimate with another person that constitutes ‘cheating, and there are some who appear able to accept flirting and even intimacy with another person but it is an emotional involvement that constitutes ‘cheating’.
So let us try first to establish what is ‘cheating’ and what might be considered ‘normal’ behaviour. First of all, there needs to be some degree of commitment and exclusivity between the two partners, furthermore, this commitment needs to be understood and agreed by both people. Without this there can be little question of ‘cheating’ on behalf of either party.
Obviously, marriage, engagement, living together would constitute a degree of commitment. Regularly dating for a period, may also be seen as constituting a commitment. It is here that the confusion starts to arise for a man may not feel he is committed to another person until he has said so to her, for the woman the simple fact that he dates her regularly may be seen as a sign of commitment.

Having gotten that out of the way, the usual glib answer gotten for cheating is because "they can"...but is this answer justifiable or satisfactory.....i guess not!Men and women have various reasons why they cheat and yes of course, we women sabi cheat well well!!...(that is if i am following the above definition).

To some men, having many partners is seen as a symbol of their status,a need to boost their ego or esteem.The motivation is usually sex - new sex, more sex,different sex-(newness and variety).Studies show most men who cheat want to experiment sexually and experience the rush associated with "new sex". It is said that it is their way of prolonging indefinitely the early and intoxicating phase of infatuation in a relationship. Others believe men have affairs to avoid intimacy, recover their lost youth, or escape an unhappy marriage.

Men who fear intimacy will have affairs to maintain power in their relationships. If a man doesn't commit to his lover, he controls his level of vulnerability. Some men cheat in fact to avoid any real intimacy. Intimacy scares them, so they distance themselves from their partners by cheating on them and they don’t get emotionally involved with their lovers. This way they never have to trust their partners or rely on them. This kind of man may also fear conflict.
Then there are men who will strike up an affair when they start to feel the fear and loss that comes with aging. They realize they are no longer young and invulnerable, so they have an affair to deny that they are getting old. Finding someone who is “young and new,” makes them feel more youthful and in the game.(Whatever that is!).

Women on the other are not at all left out.As supposed to men, women are motivated to cheat by more emotional factors than men. Women are really looking for communication and emotional intimacy in the new bond.They want to talk to someone who makes them feel important, cared for, secure and understood.The search for feeling sexy, playful and less sexually inhibited may also be a start of an affair for a woman.While sex does happen, sharing confidences ranks high in importance.

I am too sure a lot of us will say that none of these reasons are justifiable.Whether it is boredom, search for self-esteem,pain that relationships bring,newness and variety, has this article answered the thorny question of why we cheat?Probably not!.This question in itself is a very complex one and the reasons or causes will vary from instance to instance.

Share your views and experiences, if you're a cheater or you've been cheated on....i really would like to hear from you.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Swazi King's Quest for the 14th bride---some serious stuff!

Swaziland's King Mswati III on Thursday sent more than 50 000 virgin girls into the fields to cut reed for an annual ritual next week at which he may choose his 14th bride.
The ceremony on Monday comes ahead of controversial double celebrations to mark the impoverished kingdom's 40 years of independence from Britain and Mswati's 40th birthday on 6 September.
"Since you know that the country is faced with these major activities, I urge you to behave yourselves and make sure that you display respect so that tourists would return to the country," the Queen mother, Ntombi Twala, told the girls.
The girls were sent to two locations to cut reeds to be used in the annual Reed Dance ceremony at Ludzidzini royal palace near the capital Mbabane.
The age-old reed dance is aimed at encouraging young women to preserve their purity and abstain from sexual activity before marriage.
But the ceremony has seemingly failed to make an impression on the scourge of HIV/Aids in a country where close to 40 percent of the adult population of one million are infected with the virus, according to a UN report.
The dance spectacle is characterized by bare-breasted maidens, clad in colourful short skirts or sarongs. The king, who has 13 wives, may choose a new bride among the young girls.
The king and eight of his wives returned last week from a controversial Middle East shopping trip in preparation for the so called 40-40 celebrations.
The trip attracted unprecedented condemnation from women’s' groups, political parties and civil society groups.

Bare breasted Virgins compete for Swazi king
LUDZIDZINI ROYAL VILLAGE, Swaziland experienced how Tens of thousands of bare-breasted virgins competed for King Mswati III's eye in a traditional Reed Dance.
Walking through the dense crowds in a leopard skin loin cloth, Sub-Saharan Africa's last absolute monarch was expected to choose his 14th wife.
Critics say Mswati, who has courted controversy for his lavish lifestyle while two thirds of his subjects live in poverty, sets a bad example by encouraging polygamy and teenage sex in a country where about 40 percent of adults live with HIV.
Some of the women did not seem to mind, hoping to escape from the southern African nation's hardships for the easy life.
"I came here to dance. I wish the king would have chosen me because it's nice at the king's place. The wives live a nice life," said Tenene Dlamini, 16, in a traditional brown skirt.
"Everything is done for them. They don't work. They earn."
The Reed Dance has been a big date on the Swaziland cultural calendar since Mswati began the ceremony in 1999.
But he may not be as relaxed this year among the throngs of young half-naked women.
Political groups seeking democratic reforms have become more active in a country where the opposition has been effectively banned since 1973 by royal decree.
They are critical of plans to hold next weekend's celebrations of the king's 40th birthday in conjunction with the 40th anniversary of Swaziland's independence from Britain.
Still, some of Swaziland's women came to the Ludzidzini Royal Village to show their admiration for the monarch.
"I respect the king and I respect my culture," said Nontobeko Sdidlamini, 16, carrying a shield made of animal skin and wearing an orange bracelet which read "Sex Can Wait".
Some said they would not want to be part of a polygamous arrangement with the king and were taking part in the ceremony to prove their virginity. Others fear they lost out.
"My sister is the king's tenth wife. I don't think he can choose me because he has already chosen my sister," said Zandisile Ntentesa, a 21-year-old prison employee.
The king, flanked by bodyguards with pistols and sticks, may face pressure from emboldened critics. But he can take comfort from the wealth which wins him tributes and songs at the reed ceremony.

Last month, Forbes magazine listed him as the 15th-richest monarch in the world. He was the only African on the list.
During the reed festivities, one of the king's wives drove up in a fancy BMW. Policemen told people to look the other way.