In the last couple of weeks I have been exceedingly happy and worried at the same time. Time spent away from my blog has been really and truly painful. Every single day I had thought about fulfilling obligation to my blog but I just couldn’t find the time.
This place is my refuge, my quiet and true place of solace and for a while now I have been thinking of making this post but in honesty I feared your judgments, yet I expect so much response from you all.
I would like to share a secret with you all; to some it might be a great shock to others a regular life experience, but right now I just wanted to vent.
On the 4th of November, a tall handsome man walked into my life. I didn’t think much of anything as regards the relationship, I just wanted it to take a natural course and of course it did. I have enjoyed the bliss of being in a relationship, there have been no hassles, and things have been totally wonderful. Added to the resume is the envy and constant bicker I get from colleagues as regards my catch.
We go everywhere together; spend all the available time together. He even follows me to the salon. The Toll of events got me thinking I had found my own.
Less than three weeks in the relationship he kept on insisting he wanted to meet my family. I was concerned because meeting the family meant a great deal to the relationship, to me it signified he wanted more than a casual relationship. I shoved the issue several times to be exactly sure he knew what he was up against, but he still didn’t budge. So obviously I gave in and introduced him to my family. My mother was excited, yet I was cautious seeing this was the first man I was introducing to her as the one I was dating.
He repped well and I couldn’t be happier with him.
Now this is where the worrisome part comes in!
He never lied to me about anything or let me correct myself I have never caught him in a lie. He told me he was married with three kids. In fairness to God by the time he told me, I was already caught up and totally into him.
I have tried to leave him twice and on each count he has asked me to be patient that with time he would tell me the entire truth. Deep within me I knew there was more, oh a lot more he wasn’t telling me but I wanted him to come to telling me himself without me putting pressure on him. We spend our entire weekends together and each time I keep pushing him to call home, but he just never does, he keeps giving excuses and postponing when to call. He just got a place and I literally helped him move in and settle down.
So on a certain Friday, he was travelling to Lagos, and after we were done packing he said he had something to tell me and that it was important. I froze in fear not sure what to expect but yet expecting anything could happen. He said to me and I quote that he was having problems at home. Out of fear almost immediately I stopped him from speaking and told we would talk about it once he returned.
He came back a couple of days later and we got talking. He told me he was in the middle of a divorce. He said that I should have noticed there was problem because he never spoke about her, never calls except when he wants to talk to the kids, neither has she bothered to come see him after he moved to the new place.
He also told me that to what purpose would he want to meet my family if he wasn’t taking me seriously.
Believe me all when I say I still have head squared absolutely on my shoulder. People call me pessimistic because to whatever I do I try to vary the cons more than the pros. I have carefully thought about everything and truthfully I would love to put my eggs in one basket with me.
I have written about dating a married man and I frankly feel weird being in the midst of this whole saga.
At this stage I am in I need of all the advice I can get. Have I gone far ahead of myself? Truthfully I have single men in tow but I just can’t shake off why I chose him over them all.
Asides from the fact that I have been really into work; this has been my extra curricular activities.

Have missed u all!

I am so tired and in need of some good sleep,but i knew i wanted to say something on my blog before going to bed.

Its been so long.....eighteen days long....wow....na wah oh...(omo wase o rise)....yoruba slango!

No doubt i love my job, its fun and exciting.A whole world of difference from what i used to do.I resumed as soon as i got my offer letter.It was so fast i couldn't believe myself.

The first hours @ work was stressless until i met the regional manager later in the day.Directly from Lagos i was posted to the Customer Relations desk, just what  wanted....who wanted to go about marketing for some obscene amount of money.Like i was saying jare,i was already doing rounds with old staff when the RM called me and said i should resume at anoda branch as a marketer....arrgghhhh was my response, shame no catch me oh!.I no fit shout as it was my first day and all and i had to leave a very good impression,plus he told me he had the final say.

So off i went to the newly assigned branch...i was pissed off but wetin  i go do now.When i got there,the branch manager also told me in a very annoying manner that  shouldn't even contest anything that i should just go to marketing.

There and then i gave up and left my fate in the hands of God.While they were taking me around, an angel came to my rescue. I didn't know him from adam, yet he chose to fight for me.He sorta kinda have the wims and caprices to make things happen in the bank...na so he carrry my case for head.He said i was going back to the orginally assigned branch and position.

Sha long story short, the next day i was back at the old branch, with the RM saying he only brought me back as a personal favour to my angel.That wan no concern me oh as long as i got what i desired....selfish..selfish

After that time,its been two weeks now and i have not only experienced peace but indescribable favour.I made new and exciting friends.Frankly i didn't know there was life outside my regular day to day before now.

The pay is fantastic, a huge margin from what  have been earning in the last three years.

I am enjoying my job and  i am really happy about it.Remember that time i almost had a panic attack cos some of my friends were employed before me into marketing,the lesson i garnered from it is that one should never compare oneself with others.U won't believe it, my friends are complaining immensely about the stress of marketing right now.I don't envy them oh!

I am so tired right now,i want to go to bed...i'll talk to you guys soonest.

Finally, I got in!

I have been waiting in the last few weeks to share this with you, infact i had rehearsed what i would say and write about it.

I was called, i got in, i got the job with the bank!yipppeeee!!!

I am so excited.

It came when i wasn't expecting it, i wasn't frantic or anxious anymore and the call came. All the drama i had prepared in my head that i would do when i get the call, i don't know how i escaped without doing them.

Most importantly, i want to use this opportunity to thank everyone who shared, motivated and consoled me during that period.

Wheewww! i am so grateful another hurdle has been crossed,i have moved finally from the 5D wage to the 6figure pack, very interesting i must say, a very much needed change.

I am resuming asap, isn't that cool.

I am blogging from a cyber cafe in another town,far away from home, so forgive the length of this post, i'll do a better job next time.

But thanks to everyone, i'll do my blog rounds when i get to my beloved PC.

Question Time

What are the defining characters of one is who is picky or choosy when it comes to relationships?

Is being picky and choosy in itself wrong?

My friend asked me today, if she were the one responsible for her single state?She told me her friends took her for the above mentioned when asked  to weigh her out.

She has been in countless relationships, both with the married men and single men.All of which have brought nothing to show for it.

She met a single guy not too long ago, who she didn't feel any attraction towards.The guy was all over her but she didn't just like him on that romantic level.There is no guy in sight currently and she's worried, if she had made a mistake by letting him go.

She's bothered if its true what the say about her.

I have pitched in my own onions to her, i am just wondering if at this stage,people are not allowed the right to actually choose who they want and like what they choose.

Is there a problem just loving the ones we love and not feeling for the one's we don't.

ITS REVOLUTION TIME!WHO'S IN?

I am doing this article for greyamethyst, i really like that chic and i can't help but hurt with her.Seriously relationships are hard, take a good look at the percentage of articles posted by a good number of bloggers and it has to do with alot of relationship hiccups.Its good for some,yet sorely bad for others.Its so painful and the question is...should relationships be this hard?

I won't lie to you,but this post had been done before,but i had to revisit it.

Understanding the purpose of a thing determines how it is going to be utilized.This is why i advocate seriously that a woman be exactly CLEAR for herself when a man isn't measuring up, and that it is NOT HER FAULT and in most cases there is little one can do about it.

The purpose of any relationship is to grow.If there is no growth, the essence of the relationship is defeated.It is simply understanding what wasn't working,and the old roles you played, which all has to die inorder for you to grow.

It is important we become very honest with ourselves and what's really going on around us.Life is too short to hang around something that isn't good for you or makes you unhappy.The truth is to avoid trading your happiness, insights, or emotional wellbeing for someone's love or approval. It is downright frustrating and more often than not a surety for failure.

You and I know those relationships where you really care about or love someone, but it isn't just working!We try by all means to make or fix things by doing nice things, showing more love and what we get in return is more withdrawal and utter neglect. We make silly excuses for what's going on with our supposed partner by obssessing about what's wrong with US instead of having the confidence to take a good look at what your mate is really doing wrong and accepting this as the reality of the situation.

We all have our differences, we are never the same..our backgrounds,views, opinions, ethics are different, man and women reason differently.Understanding and communicating this clearly without any biases determines greatly how well put together a relationship can or should be.
If we have people in our lives who just can't seem to accept us or put up with us, then fine!It's their loss not our's, trying to play the role of the convincer is just a waste of time and emotion, As Donald Trump said in the first season of the apprentice, "Taking the begging route,never makes you win"

I realized we don't have to be sorry for who we are or how we were created,we could only be sorry for the errors and accidental mistakes we make and strive to be better, but not entirely kill ourselves about them.
Those who can leave us, can do so because they can...for if they had been for us, they would not have left us at all.

Its sad and very depressing when a relationship ends,it seems like a part of us just dies,like the person takes a part of us and disappears with  it.Its the severing that makes us think we can't go on,but truthfully we can and when the time passes, we look back, see that we have survived.

I have seen friends crack seriously at the end of a relationship,took the begging route and yet didn't suceed.Some can handle their feelings,yet others can't..no blame laying here....we are all wired differently.

Suffice to say, when one party quits then we should quit too..abeg this doesn't apply to marriages oh!...we sure can't beg anyone to stay.Its entirely their choice.If they let go, we should also do the same.

Ok if you think that differently,please share your views.My stand on the matter is that we can't make anyone stay with us,if they don't want to.

In the absence of not knowing!

In the absence of not knowing what to write for a full four days, going in and out of emotions.I have decided to say -

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

And yes i have this great gal and her sister doing a tour around africa by road,by ferry and stuff.I think they are so cool.Naija babes oh! I wish i had them guts!

Thanks to everybody who commented on my previous post...you all rock.

ehn ehn their blog site is http://africacelebrates.blogspot.com/ , i seriously advocate that you check em out and give your support.

To everyone in Naija, wishing u all a very restful public holiday.

tooooodlllooooooo.

Dating a matured man

Have you ever been in a relationship where Mr. Man became bratty, self righteous, ego centric and self centred as days went by?

I wish to be able to identify myself how to differentiate between a matured man and jerk from the moment i set my eyes on him, thats why i researched for this article.

Have you ever noticed that immature men can't just simply hold on to relationships as well as a matured man can.

P.S, All round physical attractiveness is not an identifying mark for maturity.

In my short study of the above mentioned topic, i realized the following tid bits that i would lllllooooovvvvveeee to share with you.Believe me, this is a good bet for your time and attention.

#1
A matured man can stay calm in the storm and know how to rightly deal with situations.They understand how to remain calm even when things are their most intense and uncertain.This level of groundedness is something most women and I, might i add, love and appreciate about men when things go awry.Criticize a matured man and he will take it positively.

Immature men on the other hand, can't handle a woman's real feelings.He would simply fall apart when even the slightest hint of conflict or tension comes up. He will take it as a personal attack and gripe about it for a long time.Criticize him and the whole world would crumble.

A Matured man can handle your most intense feelings and remain honest and thoughtful when you share them (although they might not always agree with you). They understand the word called "Forgiveness".

An Immature man becomes unsettled and react negatively when a woman is the least bit honest and concerned about anything.To them any need to converse is referred to as drama or unecessary worry or details.

I reckon however that the ideal way to clearly distinct a matured man from a jerk is his ability to listen and communicate in a calm and loving way when a woman is at her most intense with him.
Choosing a man who already has this quality of remaining calm in the storm can and will make everything in your relationship much easier.

ALSO.....

Being conscious about how one communicate feelings with your man, is the sign of a healthy and matured woman.

#2
What's His relationship like with others? Tell me who your friends are and i will tell you who you are...so says that adage. You want to differentiate, watch his relationships with others, who he moves around with!If he has a hard time nurturing and communicating in his relationship with his family, friends and colleagues, then check his maturity level.
If he handles conflicts and issues with patience, compassion and understanding, and a positive attitude that has the goal of a positive and loving outcome in mind, its a good bet to assume this is how he will handle things that might come up with you.

However, if he takes offence whenever anyone sees him as less than perfect...or he instantly defends himself, redirects problems...you can bet he will not handle things well with you.

A relationship to a matured man is of high importance, he takes pride in his partner..differences irrespective.Even if they have to break up, issues are resolved amicably without any rifts.
An Immature man however, blows things out of proportion, takes pleasure in being spiteful,strifeful and unforgiving.Always puts self first and thinks of what is only best for himself.

The clarity i have gotten from the following is a world changer and i must say i am pleased with myself.It has not only empowered me, but helped from stop worrying so much about what men are thinking and doing and start moving towards what is best and appropriate in finding someone who is well grounded and respectful.
I realized you could actually tell alot about a person's maturity level from the very moment you meet them.That is why it is advised strongly that a woman shouldn't jump into bed with a man you don't know, i mean strongly advised....time spent getting to know yourself outside sexual intimacy shows for real, the true character of a person...remember familiarity breeds contempt. The hurt and betrayal that comes from partners involved in sex (especially for the woman)is far greater than when you have avoided sexual intimacy early on in a relationship....there's a level of respect you have for yourself within yourself...(u alone can testify to that) seeing how the person turns out to be at the end of the day.

P.S, Somethings in life are never to be regretted, cos in actual fact, that were eye openers and life changers.E.g. Think about the man you had secretly had a crush on and fantasized about for years.You finally came together and suddenly you realized that they were not much of it after all...Just a waste of emotions and time, selfish, annoying and utterly disrespectful...that's to mention a few....and you say to yourself... what a shame!...was it worth it afterall...

Please for the love of God, put aside your waning feelings for a sec and open your friggin eyes..there are jerks out there claiming to be men...beware!

Now that I know what they act and behave like,then i know He can't love me and be selfish at the same time....

"I don talk my own, i dey wait for your own!"