I am doing this article for greyamethyst, i really like that chic and i can't help but hurt with her.Seriously relationships are hard, take a good look at the percentage of articles posted by a good number of bloggers and it has to do with alot of relationship hiccups.Its good for some,yet sorely bad for others.Its so painful and the question is...should relationships be this hard?
I won't lie to you,but this post had been done before,but i had to revisit it.
Understanding the purpose of a thing determines how it is going to be utilized.This is why i advocate seriously that a woman be exactly CLEAR for herself when a man isn't measuring up, and that it is NOT HER FAULT and in most cases there is little one can do about it.
The purpose of any relationship is to grow.If there is no growth, the essence of the relationship is defeated.It is simply understanding what wasn't working,and the old roles you played, which all has to die inorder for you to grow.
It is important we become very honest with ourselves and what's really going on around us.Life is too short to hang around something that isn't good for you or makes you unhappy.The truth is to avoid trading your happiness, insights, or emotional wellbeing for someone's love or approval. It is downright frustrating and more often than not a surety for failure.
You and I know those relationships where you really care about or love someone, but it isn't just working!We try by all means to make or fix things by doing nice things, showing more love and what we get in return is more withdrawal and utter neglect. We make silly excuses for what's going on with our supposed partner by obssessing about what's wrong with US instead of having the confidence to take a good look at what your mate is really doing wrong and accepting this as the reality of the situation.
We all have our differences, we are never the same..our backgrounds,views, opinions, ethics are different, man and women reason differently.Understanding and communicating this clearly without any biases determines greatly how well put together a relationship can or should be.
If we have people in our lives who just can't seem to accept us or put up with us, then fine!It's their loss not our's, trying to play the role of the convincer is just a waste of time and emotion, As Donald Trump said in the first season of the apprentice, "Taking the begging route,never makes you win"
The purpose of any relationship is to grow.If there is no growth, the essence of the relationship is defeated.It is simply understanding what wasn't working,and the old roles you played, which all has to die inorder for you to grow.
It is important we become very honest with ourselves and what's really going on around us.Life is too short to hang around something that isn't good for you or makes you unhappy.The truth is to avoid trading your happiness, insights, or emotional wellbeing for someone's love or approval. It is downright frustrating and more often than not a surety for failure.
You and I know those relationships where you really care about or love someone, but it isn't just working!We try by all means to make or fix things by doing nice things, showing more love and what we get in return is more withdrawal and utter neglect. We make silly excuses for what's going on with our supposed partner by obssessing about what's wrong with US instead of having the confidence to take a good look at what your mate is really doing wrong and accepting this as the reality of the situation.
We all have our differences, we are never the same..our backgrounds,views, opinions, ethics are different, man and women reason differently.Understanding and communicating this clearly without any biases determines greatly how well put together a relationship can or should be.
If we have people in our lives who just can't seem to accept us or put up with us, then fine!It's their loss not our's, trying to play the role of the convincer is just a waste of time and emotion, As Donald Trump said in the first season of the apprentice, "Taking the begging route,never makes you win"
I realized we don't have to be sorry for who we are or how we were created,we could only be sorry for the errors and accidental mistakes we make and strive to be better, but not entirely kill ourselves about them.
Those who can leave us, can do so because they can...for if they had been for us, they would not have left us at all.
Those who can leave us, can do so because they can...for if they had been for us, they would not have left us at all.
Its sad and very depressing when a relationship ends,it seems like a part of us just dies,like the person takes a part of us and disappears with it.Its the severing that makes us think we can't go on,but truthfully we can and when the time passes, we look back, see that we have survived.
I have seen friends crack seriously at the end of a relationship,took the begging route and yet didn't suceed.Some can handle their feelings,yet others can't..no blame laying here....we are all wired differently.
Suffice to say, when one party quits then we should quit too..abeg this doesn't apply to marriages oh!...we sure can't beg anyone to stay.Its entirely their choice.If they let go, we should also do the same.
Ok if you think that differently,please share your views.My stand on the matter is that we can't make anyone stay with us,if they don't want to.
15 comments:
first time and First!!!!!!!!!!!! Its hard to say relationships are so messed up and good ones are rare to find. So I feel like people try to hold on to relationships they think are good for them. But at the end of the day I have to agree with you. If its not working and someone wants to get out...let them go.
Damn I thought i was first.
anyway being the sore loser i am I will not leave the brilliantly amazing insightful comment that I wanted to and will leave a mediocre response instead lol
I would never beg someone to be with me, you want someone to be with you because they love you and want to be with you, not just out of pity or something. However we should also note that there is a difference between begging someone to forgive you etc and begging someone to stay in the relationship.
Kookie sweetie,you are so welcome.
truly making a confession here, in the absence of a better relationship, i had begged someone to stay with me and the more i tried,he just kept on steppin, so i stick with myself, if he wants to go,bye then.
MDM, You are so right about the difference between begging for forgiveness and begging for someone to stay with you. I think in the relationship where i was the convincer, i did more of the begging to stay in the relationship than forgiveness.
3rd!!!yay...i so agree with you hon that you cant make any1 stay if they've made up their mind..i've walked away and no matter the begging if it wasnt right for me i kept on stepping..so really i wouldnt beg any1 too!! And sometimes people beg even though deep down they know that its not they'd really want..more like just wanting to be with some1!
Love your post hon!!xoxo
Thanks shona babee..howz it going.U see right.
hmmm, life....thats what its called. All relationships are up and down. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
No such thing as a perfect relationship, I agree, it's a relationship because the people invovled have to relate to each other.
As for begging the other party to stay it's a no no, especially if they've made it clear to you, that they don't feel the same way you do/ or they do not want to be there for reasons best known to them.
(although a friend (a guy)told me sometimes guys really don't know what the need, and you have to make it known to them by stopping them from making the wrong decisions)
But i'd say It's better to be alone than to have someone who doesn't really want to be there.
im in for the revolution........ dont know what yet, let me go read.....
yes i definitely agree....... its a shame i had to learn the bitter way. I thought i had the problem, i took the begging route,it was bad, all my friends were mad at me for all i was doing, horrible story i tell u. i thought everything was all my fault but the truth was we just were not meant to be. I feel so much better, happier, without him now even though it hurts but im sure this is the best thing that ever happened to me...... if someone doesnt want to be with u, you cant make them...... glad i also read the book 'he's not that into you'
nice post hon
I am on ur side...well said...the part of ur words that struck me were "I realized we don't have to be sorry for who we are or how we were created,we could only be sorry for the errors and accidental mistakes we make and strive to be better, but not entirely kill ourselves about them."
This post is really a medicine for people hurting in relationships...very very well written...
Thanks Kin'shar,Funms and sirius.I appreciate your comments a whole deal.Struggling to go get food,brb to finish up.
as an aside...my computer at home, work keeps crashing whenever i come on your blog and i don't know why! arghhhh!
Taking the begging route,never makes you win"I realized we don't have to be sorry for who we are or how we were created,we could only be sorry for the errors and accidental mistakes we make and strive to be better, but not entirely kill ourselves about them.'
you should choose to be with someone and they should choose to be with you. there is no point begging...no point asking them to make empty promises...if someone wants to be with you...wants do something for u they will...begging and promises aint needed
uhmmm real goood shubbydoo, wasap.I can't agree with u more.both parties should choose to be with each other.The burden of doing all the work in a relationship is too much.
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