Attitude is Everything!

My attitude determines my altitude.

What i do affects the response or results i receive from others, which affects my attitude towards life, informs the next move i make, decides the outcome of my actions, which will in turn have a profound effect on my joy, fulfillment, success and everything at large - Michelle Mckinney Hammond

It is a defining factor in determining our Spiritual, Emotional and Physical wellbeing.Someone once said there are three views of who we are - ours, other's and God's.So who do we listen to?..good question...you only can tell.

If attitude is then everything, how then does it affect my emotional being....how can i be emotionally independent, matured and resolute?

I seem to have known quite a handful of men in my lifetime, some very good, just good, good and others regretably bad.Each of them falls under one of these categories and had a major role to play in how emotional stable or unstable i have been.Nonetheless, it is learning through each experience that has given me the leverage and strength to write about this.

I met someone recently,under what circumstance irrespective, i feel honored to have met the person.We got talking and the person told me indirectly that i was a people pleaser and would do anything to get into someone's good book, even when it literally made me uncomfortable.

The truth behind this made me shiver,sending me to my roots.Therefore, i stand to find out...does my attitude determine my emotional maturity? If it does then i am on the search and still searching for what it means to be emotionally matured...so far this is what i have gotten...

For starters, i did a check on the following to see if i had all the symptoms....i alone can tell where i stand...u decide where u stand..

-Am I Egocentric?
Am i self-centered and selfish. Do i have little regard for others and am i preoccupied with only my ideas, feelings and symptoms. Do i deeply believe that i am somehow special. Do i demand constant attention, respect and sympathy.

-Do I have Uncontrolled Emotions?
Do I express myself in temper tantrums, prolonged pouts and rapidly changing moods. Do i get frustrated easily, and over-react to perceived criticism.

- Do i want it all now. Is my behavior superficial, thoughtless and impulsive. Does my loyalty last only as long as a relationship seems useful. Do i have chaotic finances.

- Am I Dependent
Am i indecisive, easily influenced and do i avoid responsibility for my actions. Do i stay in unpleasant relationships to avoid change.

"Having viewed the following, i decided to go in search of solutions to the above, just in case i were found faultering".

Emotional Maturity implies controlling your emotions more willingly than letting your emotions to give you the orders. Your emotional maturity predicts your ability to manage and monitor your emotions, to assess the emotional state of others and to influence their opinions and behavior..
One's emotional maturity seem to be most profoundly influenced by your relationship history or trauma history.

Nonetheless, it determines the quality of our relationships.

Characteristics / Traits of Emotionally Mature People

- Thinking sooner than acting and having control over one’s behavior.

- Having the sense of self-reliance and the capability to take accountability for one’s life and actions.

- Having patience.

- Bonding with others in a supportive and constructive manner. Actually caring about others and representing their concern.

- Acting honestly and living by one's principles.

- Keeping self-control and balance in all things.

- Having the capacity to tackle difficult and demanding situations.

At times, Immaturity can also be related to child abuse and emotional incest. Go through the given questions and find out if you’re emotionally mature.

Do you deal with sudden change?
Do you pay attention to other people's ideas?
Do you make out your feelings as they occur?
Do you act wisely and mature enough under stress?
Do you express your feelings properly?
Do you take accountability for your actions and behavior?
Do you control intense emotions and impulses?

If your answer is ‘No’ to any of these questions, it points out part of your life when you’re not exactly emotionally mature. Stress, in extreme cases, also makes one to act immaturely.

How then can i learn emotional maturity?

I reckon anyone can develop emotional maturity in oneself and for the sake of relationships by keeping track of the following points:

1. Start accepting your tensions, stress, anxiety and worries. Don’t avoid it just to get momentary relief.Take the time to look at it, learn about it and work with it.

2. Start recognizing and appropriately expressing your ill feelings. It is known that people who do not express their anger are usually afraid of what will happen if they do.Instead of having suppressed feelings, vent out appropriately and then forget them.

3. Learn to bear pain and hurt because life is full of uncertainties. Pain and hurt are natural consequences of life and because of this simple fact, life involves change and loss. To never feel hurt is to be deadened. Our emotions are not fine china - overprotecting oneself leaves one vulnerable because you fail to develop strength and resiliency.
Moderate exposure to pain and loss is often what creates opportunities for developing coping skills.If you're always thinking of yourself as the victim whenever you're experiencing pain or loss..its really not helpful.

4. Understand your responsibility and learn from your mistakes. Face your guilty feelings squarely.We all make mistakes and we all behave selfishly and meanly at times.Keeping a positive approach and verbally expressing your regrets, makes it easier to make amends. We can't avoid doing wrong, because perfection does not exist in humans, so relax.

5. Put your feelings in perspective. Tolerate ambiguity, avoid words like never and always. Realize that the world is a vast place that we can never completely understand. Feelings are messy, mistakes are made,relationships are complex and life is ever changing.

There is nothing you will ever experience and no pain you will ever feel that has not been felt and survived by others.

If you doubt this, take a look around you and reach out...we are always learning...


Ultimately, man should not ask for the meaning of his life, but recognize that it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible. - "Viktor Frankl"