In Pursuit of Happiness

With all due respect to brownsistas.com, i knew I had to do this article. Two days ago on my facebook account I said I was in pursuit of happiness. The motivation behind the statement was the fact that I needed to find the ultimate goal of being happy. I asked myself if getting married, getting a new six figure income job, travelling the world or dating the most eligibly rich dude in town would culminate in truly being happy. I realized my fears resurfaced every time I thought about maybe after a while after getting all of these supposed happiness triggers, I would still be unsatisfied.

“One of my greatest fears is not being able to be all I am made to be.”

Where I am today is a function of the decision I made yesterday. My financial, emotional, career state right now is simply because of the path I chose yesterday. The thought of this sent shivers down my spine. The fear derived from this knowledge energized me and caused me to think.

Have I made mistakes?, Yes!..Are my mistakes responsible for where I am today? Most certainly!...Can I get out of this rot? Most definitely..If I want to!...Isn’t it too late? Absolutely not!...How can I get out of this?...the last question here leads me back to the article I read on brownsistas.com on Rinse and Repeat….check excerpts of it below.

The Wet Mop Syndrome: A condition of mind rot where some people believe that person’s outside of themselves are responsible for their unhappiness. Usually the wet mopper converses with other wet moppers or other sounding boards to get their endless points across. Synonyms for wet moppers are: blame shifters, consistent complainers, gripers, and unfounded scathing criticism.

Making reference to the ones that are most important to me, I chose the following questions in finding answers to getting out of the mistakes I had made.

- How many opportunities have I blown simply because I was not prepared for them?
- How many years am I willing to wait before I take action?
- Will blaming others get me what I want? Or will it keep me right where I’m at?

Brown Sista Lifestyle Writer GT tells me that I could have all the reasons in the world why i can’t have, do or be what I want. But when the smoke clears, and life progresses on, I will be the one who feels the rub of my own inactions.

From the above, I learnt I had to change my thoughts to change my life. It’s never too late to begin. Opportunities are abounding every day, it is the ability to choose correctly the risks I take that would make a world of difference in me. I don’t have to wait till tomorrow to make a difference when I have today…I guess that means I need to start from exactly where I am and most importantly, be absolutely responsible for myself..no one is going to do for me what i need and must do for myself.

Brownsista says, when in need…Rinse and Repeat those questions as often as necessary.

Which of the questions rings for you?

Where's Brandy? + Mallinda Williams gets married

     

                                                                     
   
                                                                            
It’s been nearly four years since Brandy last released a video but that is all about to change as the singer/actress was spotted out on the streets of Los Angeles earlier this week taping the new video for her single, Right Here (Departed). Brandy says her CD is an unadulterated look into her heart and her most personal album to date. “I have grown so much since my last album. Being able to express myself and my journey through my music is a feeling I can’t describe. With this new chapter of my life it feels good to have Rodney (Darkchild), a familiar face, by my side again. He brings out emotions in me like nobody else.” The new album, recently renamed “Human”, will be released November 11th via Epic Records and the Right Here video is scheduled to debut early September via Yahoo Music.


On Saturday, August 23, actress Malinda Williams and former rapper and present celebrity deejay Derrick “D-Nice” Jones, wed in a quaint ceremony at The Mezzanine in Newark, New Jersey.
        

All credits to http://brownsistas.com

Just Stand up

Heard this song on the radio while prepping for work today...wasn't in a fantastic mood...rather in a throdding one.The song sunk real deep...so the first thing i did as i got to work was to find it on the internet, which of course i did.

It involves some of America's music’s biggest female singers coming together to record a song in support of cancer research. “Just Stand Up”, features vocals from singers Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Beyonce, Keyshia Cole, and many others. The single should officially hit radio and be available for download on iTunes September 2nd, however, obviously there's already a leak on the single.

All the ladies who participated in the making of this single will also come together September 5th to perform the song live during the “Stand Up To Cancer”.




The Lyrics:

Beyonce: The heart is stronger than you think
It’s like it can go through anything
And even when you think it can’t it finds a way to still push on, though

Carrie underwood: Sometimes you want to run away
Ain’t got the patience for the pain
And if you don’t believe it look into
your heart the beat goes on

Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that
Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall, dust it off, don’t let up

Sheryl crow: Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle

Beyonce: You need to know

CHORUS

Sheryl crow: If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don’t give up

Sheryl/Beyonce: Who are we to be
questioning, wondering what is what
Don’t give up
THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Fergie: It’s like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face

Leona Lewis: Just because you go through it

Fergie: Don’t mean it got to take control, no

Leona lewis: You ain’t gotta find no hiding place

Keyshia cole: Because the heart can beat the hate

Leona lewis: Don’t wanna let your mind keep playin’ you

Keyshia cole: And sayin’ you can’t go on

Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that

Miley cyrus: Things get better
Through whatever

Rihanna: If you fall

Miley cyrus: Dust if off, don’t let up

LeAnn Rimes: Don’t you know you

Natasha Bedingfield: Can go

LeAnn Rimes: Be your own

Natasha Bedingfield: Miracle

Carrie Underwood: You need to know

Ensemble: CHORUS

Mary J.Blige: You don’t gotta be a prisoner in your mind

Ciara: If you fall, dust it off

Mary J. Blige: You can live your life

Rihanna/Carrie Underwood: Yeah

Mary J. Blige: Let your heart be your guide

Rihanna/Carrie Underwood: Yeah yeah yeah

Mariah Carey: And you will know that you’re good if you trust in the good

Ashanti: Everything will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart

Mary J.Blige: And it will get better

Mariah Carey: Through whatever

CHORUS

Fergie: You got it in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
Find it within you, find it within

Everyone: THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

How Soon is too soon? - S.E.X

I spoke with a friend recently who happened to have met someone she kinda liked,feeling was mutual,the chemistry was intense, passion was unmistakable and guess what they had sex after one week. She has since been freakin out, not sure if he'd see her the way he saw her before.Phone calls have been exchanged afterwards but she still feels its not sufficient.

Her question?...Have i shot myself in the leg?...Have i destroyed the chances of having a meaningful relationship with this person?...Will he ever respect me as i would love to be respected?....Plenty..plenty questions...

As usual, went hunting...found Venus and Mars opinions on the matter, thot to share. If the subject topic matters to you, you are very free to share your onions too!



How do you think men feel about women who sleep with them on the first or second date? Does it affect whether they see you as a potential long-term girlfriend?

Rachel: It doesn’t matter if you sleep with a man on the first date or the 20th—if he really likes you, it won’t make a difference. But if you’re not sure and want to test how he feels about you, hold off. If he’s willing to stick around for a few dates and not pressure you, fine
If you don’t sleep with him either and don’t hear back from him, then you know exactly where his intentions were.

Cate: If you sleep with a guy too soon, you completely remove the mystique. I’m not advocating game-playing, but even the nicest guy will lose interest if you sleep with him quickly. If you give him access to everything right off the bat, there is nothing to work toward or look forward to. You’ve gotta strike a balance and give him a reason to call you!

Lisa: In my experience, you pretty much blow your chances of a relationship if you sleep with him too early because you’re fast-tracking dating to an awkward stage. It’s kinda serious because you’ve seen each other naked, but how serious can it really be if you barely know each other? It’s better to spend lots of time together before taking it to that level. What’s the rush?

Do you make a point of holding off on sleeping with a guy too early? How do men react to your decision?

Rachel: The last guy I really liked wanted me to go home with him after our first meeting. I said, “Not tonight,” and never heard from him again. Clearly he was just interested in sex, and I’m glad I found that out before things went further.

Cate: I always wait until we’ve spent a substantial amount of time together to gauge what the guy is like and how we mesh. It’s better to hold off a bit so you don’t discover something horrible about him after you’ve already had sex. But if you wait too long, you get into this weird friend territory. The guys I’ve dated have been cool with waiting. In fact, it’s even more fun for them because they can pursue you.

Lisa: I don’t want to sleep with anyone until we’ve established mutual trust, and that feeling takes time to develop. Most guys are OK with waiting until we get to know each other, but others aren’t. I’m pretty upfront about my decision, which helps me weed out the men who are only interested in sex.

Do you think women who make men wait for sex end up being better long-term partners?

Rachel: No. Women who have no problem making men wait may also not have a high sex drive and that doesn’t lend well to the long-term either.

Cate: I don’t think so, but I do think they end up being smarter about relationships and ultimately with better quality men because they got to know the guy, so sex was an informed decision, versus sleeping with him too soon, then finding out he’s a jerk.

Lisa: I think so. If you ultimately end up with the guy, it’s something you worked toward. You waited to get what you wanted, and that speaks to your dedication to relationships.

What is an appropriate amount of time for two people to be dating before sleeping together?

Rachel: There’s no set time limit. Until both parties are comfortable with the idea and the act.

Cate: Wait a month, so you get to know each other. Or at least a handful of dates—say, five.

Lisa: You should wait until trust has been established. That usually takes a few months, until you’ve had some deep conversations or have met each other’s friends. The longer you wait, the more gratifying the sex will be.

If you do end up falling in bed with a guy pretty quickly but you want a serious relationship, are there things you can do to pave the way toward a longer relationship?

Rachel: No, you just have to feel it out and see what kind of response you get from him. If he calls you soon after and wants to get together, then go for it.

Cate: Afterwards, engage him with your mind. Make him want more time with you. Show him who you are, and don’t let him assume that sex will always be on the menu by planning activities during the day or with friends. You can still have sex, but play it cool. Show him that you’re interested in a relationship by letting him into your life.

Lisa: Tell him that you’d like to get to know each other more and hold off from having sex again for a while, so he doesn’t think that’s all your relationship will ever be.



Q: What do you think about women who sleep with you on the first or second date—does it impact whether you see her as a potential long-term girlfriend?

Jack (40 years old, divorced): Though the answer will no doubt send ripples of shock and disbelief throughout the female species, I don’t view the timing of the first occurrence of sex with a woman as an indicator of anything. Never.

Stan (35, never married): If a girl slept with me that quickly, I would consider it a deal-breaker. Men are wired to want to sleep with others more quickly because of instant gratification. But if a woman had that little self-control, it would not bode well for the future.

Alec (50, never married): In my mind, it doesn't make a difference—as long as the woman understands that just because she slept with me, it doesn't mean the rest of the relationship is also moving quickly. But I will say, it does sort of put pressure on the situation when you sleep together so quickly. It makes the getting-to-know-you part tougher. One or both of you may have expectations of what the next date will be like. For example, if you sleep over, what happens when one doesn't want to sleep over the next time? Does the other feel slighted? Does it mean every date is a sleepover, and if it’s not that you're regressing? It makes things tougher.


Q: Are there cases where you do sleep with a woman early on, but are still open to a serious relationship with her—say, if the sex is great, or you two really hit it off during brunch the next day, or she's friends of friends?

Jack: Sure. Great sex only makes us want to be with you more. And if we hit it off after sex over brunch the next day, we consider it a win. Her being friends of friends has nothing to do with it; it’s a non-issue. In fact, if I don't like her and she is a friend of a friend, I have to drop the blade sooner or the blow-back will be worse.

Stan: I think no, I would not be open to it. There was one girl I slept with on the first date, and we ended up having a relationship, but it was a woman I’d known and worked with for four months. But if it's someone you just met and you slept with on the first date, there'd be no recovery from that. And I don't think a woman should want to date a man who wanted to sleep with her on the first date. I don't even try to sleep with women on the first date anymore.

Alec: This question is based on the idea that if you sleep together early on, you're already thinking it will not be serious. So, in my mind, any man who rules out a woman who slept with him early on—well, he isn't being very serious about finding a long-term relationship in the first place.

Q: In your experience, do you think women who make you wait for sex end up being better long-term partners?

Stan: I think they do make better potential long-term partners. As I've gotten older, I have realized there should be something sacred, private, and intimate about sex between two people. It's a revelation and a sharing. I don't think I would want to be with someone who's so willing to share herself with others. I want someone who's going to honor that aspect of herself and only share herself when it's really appropriate.

Alec: Probably, yes. But it doesn't work too well if she's totally withholding physically early on. She needs to let you know she is receptive to sex with you and is holding off not because of lack of desire, but because she wants to get to know you more.

Jack: I disagree—in my mind, a woman who "makes you wait" is treating sex as a commodity. She’s trying to, as Pat Benatar once said, "use sex as a weapon" and trying to manipulate the outcome of the new relationship. If she feels the strength of a long-term relationship is contingent on when she "gave it up," she needs to get in her time machine and leave the year 1952—which she’s obviously stuck in—immediately. As soon as she places such a high value on sex, she devalues the other, more lasting
components of a successful long-term relationship.
“As I've gotten older, I’ve realized there should be something sacred about sex between two people.”


Q: What, in your mind, is an appropriate amount of time for two people to be dating before sleeping together?

Jack: From the first date onward…

Stan: Probably three weeks to a few months. In this day and age, people are quick to make sex part of a relationship. It's unrealistic to think you can be dating someone four months without sex. So, a few weeks to a few months.

Alec: Maybe five, six dates. But it's very hard to make a rule for it. If there were rules about this stuff, it would be so much easier. I think it's best if men and women talk about sleeping together and have some ease of communication established before they do the deed. Let's face it, having sex changes the dynamics of a relationship.

Q: If a woman does end up falling in bed with you pretty quickly, are there things she can do to pave the way toward a longer relationship?

Jack: Yes. Don't suddenly start withholding sex to "slow things down”. You want to have less sex or at least balance it with public, social interaction? Fine. We're all for that. But we can't undo the fact we had sex. Was it fun? Great, let's do it again.

Stan: I think yes, if she convinces you that you're special and that she doesn't do this very often or hardly at all, if you feel there was something special between the two of you, then I think that would pave the way toward potentially overcoming that obstacle, if you will.

Alec: She should play it cool after the first time. If she sleeps with a guy early, then is a little evasive, it will drive him crazy and he’ll chase her more. This is the dirty little secret. If you tell women this, they will torture us forever.

This wan na oyinbo talk...i am doing a research on how a naija man and woman would view the issue.

Attitude is Everything!

My attitude determines my altitude.

What i do affects the response or results i receive from others, which affects my attitude towards life, informs the next move i make, decides the outcome of my actions, which will in turn have a profound effect on my joy, fulfillment, success and everything at large - Michelle Mckinney Hammond

It is a defining factor in determining our Spiritual, Emotional and Physical wellbeing.Someone once said there are three views of who we are - ours, other's and God's.So who do we listen to?..good question...you only can tell.

If attitude is then everything, how then does it affect my emotional being....how can i be emotionally independent, matured and resolute?

I seem to have known quite a handful of men in my lifetime, some very good, just good, good and others regretably bad.Each of them falls under one of these categories and had a major role to play in how emotional stable or unstable i have been.Nonetheless, it is learning through each experience that has given me the leverage and strength to write about this.

I met someone recently,under what circumstance irrespective, i feel honored to have met the person.We got talking and the person told me indirectly that i was a people pleaser and would do anything to get into someone's good book, even when it literally made me uncomfortable.

The truth behind this made me shiver,sending me to my roots.Therefore, i stand to find out...does my attitude determine my emotional maturity? If it does then i am on the search and still searching for what it means to be emotionally matured...so far this is what i have gotten...

For starters, i did a check on the following to see if i had all the symptoms....i alone can tell where i stand...u decide where u stand..

-Am I Egocentric?
Am i self-centered and selfish. Do i have little regard for others and am i preoccupied with only my ideas, feelings and symptoms. Do i deeply believe that i am somehow special. Do i demand constant attention, respect and sympathy.

-Do I have Uncontrolled Emotions?
Do I express myself in temper tantrums, prolonged pouts and rapidly changing moods. Do i get frustrated easily, and over-react to perceived criticism.

- Do i want it all now. Is my behavior superficial, thoughtless and impulsive. Does my loyalty last only as long as a relationship seems useful. Do i have chaotic finances.

- Am I Dependent
Am i indecisive, easily influenced and do i avoid responsibility for my actions. Do i stay in unpleasant relationships to avoid change.

"Having viewed the following, i decided to go in search of solutions to the above, just in case i were found faultering".

Emotional Maturity implies controlling your emotions more willingly than letting your emotions to give you the orders. Your emotional maturity predicts your ability to manage and monitor your emotions, to assess the emotional state of others and to influence their opinions and behavior..
One's emotional maturity seem to be most profoundly influenced by your relationship history or trauma history.

Nonetheless, it determines the quality of our relationships.

Characteristics / Traits of Emotionally Mature People

- Thinking sooner than acting and having control over one’s behavior.

- Having the sense of self-reliance and the capability to take accountability for one’s life and actions.

- Having patience.

- Bonding with others in a supportive and constructive manner. Actually caring about others and representing their concern.

- Acting honestly and living by one's principles.

- Keeping self-control and balance in all things.

- Having the capacity to tackle difficult and demanding situations.

At times, Immaturity can also be related to child abuse and emotional incest. Go through the given questions and find out if you’re emotionally mature.

Do you deal with sudden change?
Do you pay attention to other people's ideas?
Do you make out your feelings as they occur?
Do you act wisely and mature enough under stress?
Do you express your feelings properly?
Do you take accountability for your actions and behavior?
Do you control intense emotions and impulses?

If your answer is ‘No’ to any of these questions, it points out part of your life when you’re not exactly emotionally mature. Stress, in extreme cases, also makes one to act immaturely.

How then can i learn emotional maturity?

I reckon anyone can develop emotional maturity in oneself and for the sake of relationships by keeping track of the following points:

1. Start accepting your tensions, stress, anxiety and worries. Don’t avoid it just to get momentary relief.Take the time to look at it, learn about it and work with it.

2. Start recognizing and appropriately expressing your ill feelings. It is known that people who do not express their anger are usually afraid of what will happen if they do.Instead of having suppressed feelings, vent out appropriately and then forget them.

3. Learn to bear pain and hurt because life is full of uncertainties. Pain and hurt are natural consequences of life and because of this simple fact, life involves change and loss. To never feel hurt is to be deadened. Our emotions are not fine china - overprotecting oneself leaves one vulnerable because you fail to develop strength and resiliency.
Moderate exposure to pain and loss is often what creates opportunities for developing coping skills.If you're always thinking of yourself as the victim whenever you're experiencing pain or loss..its really not helpful.

4. Understand your responsibility and learn from your mistakes. Face your guilty feelings squarely.We all make mistakes and we all behave selfishly and meanly at times.Keeping a positive approach and verbally expressing your regrets, makes it easier to make amends. We can't avoid doing wrong, because perfection does not exist in humans, so relax.

5. Put your feelings in perspective. Tolerate ambiguity, avoid words like never and always. Realize that the world is a vast place that we can never completely understand. Feelings are messy, mistakes are made,relationships are complex and life is ever changing.

There is nothing you will ever experience and no pain you will ever feel that has not been felt and survived by others.

If you doubt this, take a look around you and reach out...we are always learning...


Ultimately, man should not ask for the meaning of his life, but recognize that it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible. - "Viktor Frankl"

Roles Vs Real

Who am I?

Wherever and in whatever situation i have found myself, whether on a job or in a relationship...have i been true to myself...or have i been forced to act a part.

Has my role playing been sufficient in helping me be the best i can be. Does my being myself cause me to cringe in fear?

Who exactly am i....must i play a role to be accepted?

Browsing around, found this article, read and i am still just wondering!

 
by Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem, M.Ed.

The anxiety can hit me like a punch in the stomach. Who am I?
In this moment I feel like I am an imposter. I have all the experience and training behind me and other people trust me, yet when I look at the words written about me I wonder: "Is this really me?"

I have played a lot of roles in my life. Each seemed to have a script. Being the good daughter, sister, student, babysitter, teacher, wife, mother, therapist and more. They all had expectations put on me by others. I learned how to play the parts. I read books, took courses and listened to the expectations of the roles I played.

When I met someone who had a different set of rules for the role, I was anxious. Was I really being the "best" of whoever I was trying to be?

Lots of times I felt like I was failing. I'd become impatient or exhausted and would feel like a failure. The perfect "I" would never act like I was acting.
Awareness of the Self that I am and how this Self is different from the roles I play, can help me answer the question - who am I?

I can look at my individual potential - things with which I was born. I can ask: "What are my limits and what are my strengths?"

While some people say we are all capable of being whoever we want to be, I know that one of my fantasies, to be a helicopter pilot, is not very realistic. I perhaps could, but won't, change my sex, my height, my ethnic background and a whole lot more. I could play dumber than I am, something women are told to do to succeed, but I won't. I have been told I am too emotional. I ask: "Too emotional for whom?"

In looking at the "real" Self, I need to accept these parts of myself. I need to look at myself physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Who am I really when I am free to be Me?

Watching ourselves through what we do when we have the choice to do whatever we want, will lead us to our authentic self.

Living roles involves the expectations of others and our own expectations of ourselves. What do I expect of a good daughter of an aging parent? What makes a good wife? How does a successful business woman behave? What does she look like and what does she wear?

Role models assign us expectations. When my mother died in her 50's she left me without her role to follow. I needed to look for other examples of how to "be" a mature woman. I looked to my grandmothers and aunts. I looked to respected peers. I asked myself: "How do I want to be me?" The freedom to invent myself was overwhelming. What if I chose wrong? Couldn't someone just tell me and I could follow the script?

When I purchased a little red sporty car, I was told it was juvenile by a woman who lived her roles flawlessly. Her comments surprised me. I questioned my decision.

Crisis points demand we grow. Deciding I needed to be playful and happy was more important than living her version of the role. I must live with the consequences of my decisions and if breaking the role of a middle aged woman that others adopt had consequences, I was going to find out what they were.

I had far more comments of "cute car" than critical ones. It has been a long time and I still get a smile on my face when I climb into my latest "toy".
I do not want power over others and I do not want others to try to control me. I will not live in a role, although I find it helpful to have a whole collection of roles I can play when I want. I can shift from role to real and back again.
Understanding the difference between the roles we play and the real women we are capable of being, gives us great freedom. It gives the ability to create the lives we want.

We are also a role model for others, especially our children. In the constant demands of activities and expectations, children need to discover and hold on to, their authentic selves.

Make your life the way you'd wish your children's lives will be for them!

http://timefinders.net

DeGeneres weds De Portia

 



Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have become lawfully wedded wives.

Capitalizing on the recent switcheroo in California law, the longtime loves swapped vows Saturday in front of family and friends at their Beverly Hills estate, according to People.

A small group of less than 30 wedding guests, all dressed in summer formal attire, started arriving at Ellen's posh $29 million abode Saturday evening at around 6:30 p.m.

"It was all close friends and family," said a source, adding that no celeb guests were spotted entering all day.
Both wore Zac Posen and exchanged rings by Neil Lane. Actress de Rossi has been sporting a Neil Lane-designed, marquise-cut pink diamond ring on her wedding finger since June.

DeGeneres, 50, and de Rossi, 35, have been an item (not to mention paparazzi magnets and an adorable red-carpet couple) since December 2004. On May 15, the day after the California Supreme Court struck down a ban on gay marriage by ruling it unconstitutional, DeGeneres announced on her talk show that she and de Rossi were planning to tie the knot.
The audience, which included her smiling Australian-born partner that day, responded with a standing ovation.

"I'll tell you who the lucky guy is soon," DeGeneres added, never missing a beat.

"Planning a wedding is very stressful," DeGeneres said on the red carpet at the 2008 Daytime Emmy Awards, where she took home her fourth statue in a row for Outstanding Talk Show Host. "It is crazy. My gardener is now invited."
And on a more serious note, she added: "I can't wait to be married. I feel like it is long overdue. And I think someday people will look back on this like women not having the right to vote and segregation and anything else that seems ridiculous like we all don't have the same rights."

Not knowing that a legally smiled-upon wedding was in their future, they purchased their 8,500-square-foot Cabrillo Drive home last year. They now own three adjoining pieces of property in their canyon enclave, making for an ultra-private abode.

City planning officials have told E! News that it's possible the couple might want to completely gate off their end of the street, but a public hearing would have to be held to approve such a request.

GISTS

Selecting appropriate shoes for social outings and occasions sometimes can be really painstaking. But its worth all the time when you consider the pros and cons. Most women choose their shoes based on style and personal appearance, while others give much priority to the convenience and comfort.

High heels are shoes that a lot of women can’t refuse wearing. Especially shorter women, who often times can’t resist wearing very high heels for the extra height boost. Outing shoes should not only be in excellent condition but must be comfortable with individual’s perfect heel’s length. As shoes with scuff marks don’t speak well of personality.

Various trends and species of shoes are avaiable in retail shops especially for fashionable women. Virtually every woman desires to wear and change her shoe varieties often. Heels been the most appealing specie of shoes: many women would spare nothing to have a whole range of designers to wear to events. Only a few women prefer wearing low heel shoes, not because it is not fashionable, but many consider this footwear as out of vogue.

Shoes like other clothe accessories, come in a extensive colour variations that would flatter your outfit beyond imaginations. Shoes with ankle straps, Stilettos, Pee toes, Pumps works for best social events.

Heels don’t need to be extremely high. It is a lot more easier to stick to heels that you can walk well in. Women who wear very high heels are prone to health risk.

How comfortable are your heels?
My Naija News - Daily News and Information from Nigeria - Thursday, 14 August 2008

© My Naija News - Daily News and Information from Nigeria

Amebo Today!

Transgender Contestant to Compete on Top Model
US weekly recently reported that one of the 14 girls who will compete on the new season of America's Next Top Model which returns to The CW on September 3 is transgender. So what's the big deal?!

Isis, a 22-year-old former receptionist, will be the first transgender contestant to appear on ANTM. Is Tyra opening her mind and allowing everyone to have an equal opportunity at their dream, or is Tyra opening up her fashionable handbag for all the extra money she will receive for the increased ratings?

The question also must be asked: Will Isis have a fair chance at winning the competition? What will this do for the other women in the competition who could possibly lose to Isis?

Isn't she hot!



It only took 84 years and an African American presidential candidate for Disney to bring its first black princess to fruition with The Princess and the Frog. For the upcoming movie they’ve returned both to hand-drawn animation (CGI is awesome and all, but how about some old school 2-D love for cartoons already?) and the writer/director combo of John Musker and Ron Clemens who worked on some of the last Disney films we remember that didn’t suck, The Little Mermaid and Aladdin.

Somehow though, the task of creating a black princess has not been easy for the Disney team. In fact, they've had to go back and rework every aspect of the title character from her appearance to her name (she went from “Maddy” to a more modern “Tiana”) to her occupation (was originally dubbed a chambermaid) after concern for playing to African American stereotypes. We somehow doubt there was a woman named Tiana living in 1920s New Orleans, where the story is set, but we’ll let that slide as we have a bigger issue with the new trailer: the toothless narrating firefly. Yeah.

We’ll have to wait till Christmas 2009 for The Princess and the Frog's theatrical release, but for now check out the trailer and let us know what you think. [EW]

Finding a soul mate?

Do you believe there is a specific someone out there put on earth just for you? Rabbi Shmuley says many people don't believe in soul mates because they're afraid of such a special commitment. While soul mate love may seem overwhelming or unattainable, Rabbi Shmuley says it's something we should all strive to have. "If you believe in a soul mate, you believe in love," he says. "You believe that love is something more than accidental [or] capricious. It is something unique, special [and] miraculous."
Rabbi Shmuley says everyone looking for love should keep this in mind:
Soul mates do exist. The reason why all people don't have soul mates is because when they're looking for love, they're following a checklist of what they want in someone else, Rabbi Shmuley says. Instead, he says people should make checklists of what they themselves lack. "A soul mate is not your double—it's rather someone who fills in the blanks," he says.

A soul mate is someone with whom you never have to prove yourself. "There is an instantaneous sense of comfort—you begin to feel comfortable with all of your flaws because this person just accepts you," Rabbi Shmuley says. "They still love you for your virtue, but they accept you for your flaws as well."

A soul mate is someone with whom you can be honest. "When you are around a soul mate, you feel this instantaneous need to confess—you want to share things that are utterly personal because you're are not afraid that you are going to be thrown out as a result," he says.
When distinguishing a soul mate from someone who is merely a partner, Rabbi Shmuley says you should use this soul mate checklist:
•Do I find this person attractive, am I drawn to them?
•Is this a good person with a good heart?
•Do I respect this person?
•Does this person love children?
•Does this person have the capacity to put others before him or herself? Can he or she empathize with another person's plight?
•Is this person charitable? Not just in pocket, but in person? Do they give of themselves to others?
•Is this person nonjudgmental?
•Does this person live for something other than the material and the transitory?
•Is this person humble and not arrogant?
•When he or she hurts you, are they forthcoming with an apology?

Once you find your soul mate, Rabbi Shmuley says you'll feel whole in many ways.

"'Soul mate' simply means someone with whom you have a soulful connection," he says. "It's not purely physical, it's not even purely emotional—it's deeper than that. You just feel you are like one spirit, one soul."

"To find the perfect soul mate, focus not on what you have, but what you lack. By identifying that one big thing we are missing, we are guaranteed to find someone who makes us feel whole." – Rabbi Shmuley

What's your Skin Type/Dry or Dehydrated?

What's your skin type/Dry or Dehydrated Skin?

There's not much you can do about the skin type you're born with, but it's important to take care of it the right way. Here's how.

Article:
Rose Bruins and Anne Church from FAIRLADY



Combination/normal skin
The T-zone (the central part of the face, forehead and chin) is oilier in varying degrees, while the cheeks are drier. Ideally you would need to treat these two areas separately.

Dry skin
This type of skin can be prone to sensitivity, as dryness is perpetuated by temperature extremes, air conditioning and wind, which cause surface evaporation of moisture. It also has a low level of sebum, so is prone to flaking, tightness and chapping. Use products that are rich in moisture and cleansers that are cream- or oil-based, and avoid water-soluble products.

Oily skin
Oily skin is characterized by the overproduction of sebum, resulting in spots and blemishes. Don’t be tempted to strip the skin, as this can cause the oil glands to go into overtime. It can also leave the skin feeling taut and dehydrated, causing the epidermis to shrink and weaken, thereby restricting the oil flow and causing blockages to the pores, leading to breakouts. Use oil-based cleansing products that dissolve sebum and oil-free moisturizers to control shine.

Sensitive skin
Dry and delicate, it is particularly reactive to the environment; some detergents, cosmetics and alcohol can cause irritation that result in a red, blotchy and irritated complexion. Stick to alcohol- and fragrance-free treatments.

The bottom line - There’s not much you can do about the skin type you’re born with – but by taking care of it properly, you can control and maintain texture and radiance. And, make no mistake, the most essential skin saver is protection against excessive sun exposure and pollution – this is guaranteed to slow down the ageing process and keep your skin naturally beautiful.

Help your skin by...
Sticking to a healthy diet – beta carotene converts to vitamin A (essential in strengthening the skin tissue); vitamin C helps collagen production; vitamin E is good for conditioning; and vitamin B is good for repairing.
Supplementing your diet with evening primrose oil; it contains gamma-linolenic acid (GLA), a fatty acid that strengthens the skin cells and stimulates moisture content.
Getting enough sleep, allowing the skin to repair itself.
Exercising, this boosts blood flow.

Dry skin

Dry skin, like the parched remains of a once succulent plant, lacks sufficient nutrients to nourish and feed it. The fundamental need of a dry skin is oil. Oils are vital for the wellbeing of the skin; they keep the surface pliable and young-looking, and act as a natural coating to prevent excessive moisture loss.

When natural oils (sebum) produced by sebaceous glands in the skin are secreted onto the skin’s surface, they act as a protective barrier. Too little sebum results in dry patches, flaking and even peeling skin. Lips become parched and cracked and, as the day goes on, your skin feels drier and tighter.

Dry skin is accompanied by a dull complexion due to the dried out, compacted surface layers lacking blood supply. It tends to look prematurely aged, with the emergence of fine lines and wrinkles.

In addition to environment and climate, hormones, medication, genetics and diet may also play a role. The condition of dry skin can be aggravated by overuse of soap, detergents and toners.

How to treat it

Concentrate on boosting the skin’s levels of nourishment. Begin by treating internally with a diet rich in essential fatty acids, found in oily fish like salmon.

Use topical treatment creams continuously to keep the surface of your skin supple and nourished. Be careful not to use products that strip away your natural oils. The most important step is to nourish your skin with a rich cream that contains more oil than water; this will seal moisture into the upper layers.

Cosmetic oil is also good to use, but should be limited to night use, as it leaves a greasy residue on the surface of your skin. Using an exfoliator at least three times per week helps remove dead cells and improves penetration of nourishing treatments. For maximum moisture, treat your skin to a nourishing mask twice a week after exfoliating.

Dehydrated skin

A dehydrated skin lacks sufficient moisture (water), as opposed to oil, in the superficial layers. Eighty percent of South Africans have dehydrated skin due to our work environment (air-conditioned or heated rooms) and hot, dry climatic conditions; the use of diuretics and alcohol consumption also increases dehydration. Dehydration can affect all skin types, whether normal, oily or dry; to test for dehydration, run the side of your finger up your cheek, if you see fine horizontal lines you know you’re dehydrated. Your skin will also tend to have a dull appearance.

How to treat it

Increase your intake of water (at least 8 glasses a day); avoid further moisture loss through excessive temperatures. Top up the moisture levels in the surface layers of skin with an intensive moisture boost. Use products that contain more water than oil; the aim is to replenish and lock moisture into your skin. Applying moisturiser helps to do just that. Avoid washing your face with soap and apply creams while your skin is slightly moist.

Make up for Beginners

Oops i forgot some of us don't even know how apply any make up. Please wassap with the black eye pencil as lipstick, thick eye brows, Fanta face with Cocacola Body.. you know what i mean.




Article by Zayaan Schroeder from www.women24.com

Make-up can either make or break your look, but not everyone is adept at applying make-up and not everyone loves wearing it. To some, makeup is like a foreign country with people who speak gibberish, whereas others embrace it warmly and are seamless experts. Here are some tips on how to apply the basics and what must-have items should be in your make-up bag.

Eyeliner
Eyeliner highlights your eyes and with one swipe it can give you that smoky mysterious look. Often you can change your look with just a bit of eyeliner and lip gloss. Eyeliners come in different colours and each one can define the look you're going for by matching or contrasting it with your clothes. Liquid eyeliner is for the advanced class though as you'll need a steady hand and lots of confidence.

Mascara
Mascara is used to lengthen the lashes. When applying them to the upper lashes do so from the underside of the lid to the end of the lashes. Keep the mascara on the lower lashes to a minimum. The shape of the mascara wand also defines its purpose. A crescent shaped wand will give your lashes more curve whereas a fat wand with a lot of bristles will thicken them.


Eyeshadow
Eyeshadow can be used to subtly change or enhance the eyes. The colour should complement your outfit. The lightest shade should be swept across the entire lid and used as a base colour to the other colours you apply. A darker colour can be used on top of that to create depth.

Foundation
Foundation is make-up magic. It hides your blemishes and evens out your skin tone. It also provides a base for when you're applying blusher and eyeshadow. Have a make-up artist in the shop match your foundation to your skin colour. Also rather test it in natural light than under the fluorescent lights of the shop, or you might end up walking around with your face and neck being two different colours. Experts agree that Mac seems to be the best on the market at the moment, and can be found at Mac make up counters nationwide.

Blusher
The easiest way to decide on your blush colour is to pinch your cheeks and see what colour they are or otherwise match it to your lip colour. Always tap off any excess blush on the brush before applying it to your cheeks. Apply the blush in the shape of a triangle, tapering towards the temples then blending it outwards and upwards. Clinique's range gives off a bit of a glitter shine.

Lipstick
Lipstick is the easiest way to transform your face. When choosing the colour take into consideration what you're wearing and your skin colour. If you have an olive complexion use colours that brighten the skin such as browns or red browns. Deep reds or deep browns work best with dark complexions. If you are pale of complexion you can use almost any colour, a bright red to add contrast or peaches and pinks to warm the skin tone.

Gloss
Gloss adds glamour. It puts a shine on your lips and is the perfect finishing off product. It comes in all kinds of different flavours and shades. Clear lipgloss can be used over your lipstick or you can use a colour on its own for a little informal daytime glam.

Experiment with different kinds of make-up till you find your feet. Don't try to do too much or your face will look too busy, keep it simple yet classy. It's not as difficult as the experts make it out to be, with a swipe of eyeliner and a dash of lipstick you can transform into the fabulous person you are.

Beauty Tips

How to have gorgeous and professional look make up look at work!

Bright colors and heavy make-up should be put on hold for nights on the town, when it comes to the office, make sure that your look is professional and your make-up polished.

Natural make-up
Keep your make-up light for the day and avoid shiny or heavy make-up. Be careful of bronzers and shimmer creams.

Most offices have bright neon lights that can make you look pale and washed out.

Use a good concealer of foundation to hide blemishes. Apply a little blusher to the apples of your cheeks for a healthy glow. Choose a blusher that is the same shade as your cheeks after you have been for a long walk so that will it will look natural.

Invest in a neutral eye shadow in a shade of grey or brown. Grey looks best with green or brown eyes, while brown eye shadow accentuates blue eyes.

Keep eyeliner and mascara simple in classic colors and be careful of smudging as you don't want to look like you have had a rough night out.

Choose a simple lipstick color for the office that will look neat throughout the day. A natural gloss works well.

Neat hands
Keep your hands and nails well cared for, and your nails fashionably short.

Keep a nail clipper and file in your handbag for emergencies.

Paint your nails a neutral colour or go for a neat, classic French manicure.

Remember that lighter colours will look neat for longer, because chips and cracks are less noticeable than with dark or bright polish.

Keep nail polish remover wipes in your bag to fix up any chips.




Article by Annel Lategan from women24.com

It's time to let go of those all those empty lipsticks and cracked eye shadows and get organized. Here are some tips on how to organize your make-up bag.

What can you do to organize your make-up kit?
You can begin by tossing out all those 'disposables' you've been holding onto for way too long, such us your latex wedges and even those worn sponge tip applicators. New disposable applicators are inexpensive and easily obtainable from cosmetic counters at pharmacies and department stores.

Check that you haven't been keeping make-up longer than you should be. Smell your lipsticks, if they have a very strong smell to them it's time you said goodbye. A great way to organize and de-junk your make-up kit is to clean all your make-up and brushes and buy yourself a new make-up bag – you'll feel like you've just bought yourself a brand new kit!

When should you throw away old make-up?
Mascara – 36 months
Lipstick – 30 months
Eye shadow – 36 months
Foundation – 24 months
Powder – 36 months
Eyeliner – 30 months
Blush – 36 months

Don't be without...
Always keep your make-up bag clean and organized so you are able to 'put your face on' in a hurry. Always have these four essential items:
Mascara
Sheer Foundation
Gel Blush
Lip Gloss

He Likes Me - He Likes me not

Is he into me?

Find out if the guy you're dating really likes you...

These signs show that he is really into you:

He'll ask for dates in advance.

When he kisses you, his intentions will be romantic as well as sexual.

He'll remember things you told him about what you've been doing at work or socially and will ask you how they were.

He won't make you feel insecure. He'll turn up on time for your dates and call when he says he will.

One of the best signs that he seriously likes you is when he calls or e-mails to say what a wonderful time he's had after a date.

He'll make you feel included in his life by telling you about his day, friends and interests.

He'll make an effort with his appearance.

Tattoes and Body Piercings

I was reading some articles on women24.com, and i came across this article so i decided to share.Its what your body piercings and tattoos tell about you.Maybe i should go get myself one..somewhere mischievous..lol...I bet rihanna did that beautiful tattoo for a reason best known to her and her beau...



The title of the article is "Body of evidence"

What do your tattoos, piercings and make-up style tell the opposite sex about you?

Article by Joe Kita from Men's Health

"Courtship is all about display. And if there was ever a time when women needed to display themselves, it's now." Says anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher.

"For hundreds of years we lived in small social units where everybody knew everyone else. But these days women move around a lot, and as a result, they're looking for any little thing to catch the eye of the right guy. As Mae West said, 'It is better to be looked over than overlooked'."

We asked relationship and body-art experts to generalise about the type of woman who decorates herself in these ways. Take a long look – you're sending signals without even saying a word:

A small tattoo on a woman's shoulder
...means she's funny and overtly sexy, and loves to tease, according to Amy Krakow, author of Total Tattoo Book. This woman wants something unexpected and memorable to catch your eye when she wheels on her heels, throws you a coquettish smile and takes leave.

A tattoo on the small of the back
...suggests a woman who is secretly sexual. The sacrum is an overlooked but highly sensual spot, where most women love to be touched. She's essentially telling you to 'press here'. This type of tattoo, especially if it's a tribal design, also connotes spirituality and a wider perspective on reality.

Her eyeliner curved up at the corners
...means she wants to be seen as mysterious, exotic and divine. The look harks back to Nefertiti, a beautiful Egyptian queen who probably made herself up like this to resemble the cats her people worshiped. We're talking wannabe diva here.

Different lipstick shades mean different things.
According to psychologist Dr Michael Cunningham, a lady in red is seriously passionate. Light pink connotes a cooler, more aloof girl, who's in charge of herself. Colourless high-gloss, the kind that makes lips look wet, suggests a woman who is sensual but receptive.

A biceps bracelet or an armband tattoo
...signifies toughness. According to Krakow, a woman with body art on a typically male place of adornment, such as the forearm or biceps, is willing to stand up for herself and won't take any crap.

An eyebrow ring or any other unconventional facial piercing
...is there for shock value. "Novelty raises levels of dopamine in the male brain," says Fisher. "This hormone is associated with romantic love and it heightens sex drive." So what you have here is a rebel – a girl of brassy independence who likes to be provocative and occasionally make trouble.

A small tattoo on her pubic bone or atop her breast
...may indicate she's coming off a bad relationship. "Some women, especially older ones, get tattooed in private places to reassert ownership of their bodies," says Krakow. A sun design or a butterfly may represent her desire to rise again and be free.

Lots of bracelets on her arm
...she's trying to attract attention. Men are visual creatures, taking in 80 percent of the world by sight. Women instinctively play to this, but creative types will endeavour to take it a step further. They'll use scent (perfume) and even sound (bracelets). "A woman who uses auditory display wants to be sure everyone in the room notices her," says Cunningham. Such a ploy may mean she's insecure, but more likely she's intelligent and cunning, and will stop at nothing to get her man.

A tiny tattoo on the ankle
Signifies a good girl who wants to be bad. She probably works in a professional environment that frowns on tats, so she picked one that's less likely to be noticed. A rose symbolises love and romance. An angel represents protection. Fairies connote nature and magic. A dolphin is phallic. And twin cherries, well, you can only imagine. Any woman with a tattoo likes a little pain with her pleasure. Says Krakow, "Getting a tattoo on a place with no body fat, like the ankle, hurts more. But it's sensuous pain – the warmth of the needle and the sting."

Body glitter
If she's wearing body glitter or crystals, she wants to sparkle just like they do. She's girlish and fun, curious and playful, and she still believes in magic. In fact, she's looking for a Prince Charming to put a real twinkle on her finger.

Nails
A woman with long, elaborately painted fingernails is trying to create the illusion of class. She may be a supermarket cashier, a bank teller or an assembly-line riveter who's trying to disguise the fact that she's a menial labourer. This woman values an elegant lifestyle in which she doesn't have to work. She's looking to be pampered and protected. Think high-maintenance.

Tongue stud
This is the most in-your-face piece of body art a woman can have, obviously done to enhance oral sex. "This is a self-confident woman who values her tongue almost as much for sex as for talking," says Cunningham.

But there's more to it than just fabulous fellatio. The tongue has loads of nerve endings, so it's the most painful body part to pierce. Plus, the risk of infection is high, and the stud compromises language skills, at least at first. In this respect, it's sort of like the peacock's tail. "It's saying, 'I have so much energy and am in such good health that I can cart around this cumbersome thing, yet still function,'" says Fisher. "It's a big fitness indicator." In other words, this girl can lick you in more ways than one.

Belly art
When a woman calls attention to her stomach with a navel ring, a belly chain or a tattoo, she's sending the signal that she's sexual, fertile and possibly ready to reproduce. Men don't just size up potential mates by their facial features. We sub-consciously weigh a multitude of factors, including waist-to-hip ratio. The ideal ratio for childbearing is 0.7, which equates to the classic hourglass shape of a 68-centimetre waist and 96-centimetre hips. So if she's got it and she's flaunting it, she's probably the type who wants to have kids.

Seriously, to a naija man, religious background irrespective...my thots on what he would think are very vast..fill in the blank..

Adieu! Bernie Mac

(5th, October, 1957 - 9th August,2008)

This is real, real sad...but life happens!
Stand Up comic and actor, Bernard Jeffrey McCollough, born on the 5th of October, 1957 in Chicago, Illinois died on Saturday Morning - 9th August, 2008 at the age of 50.
He was said to have died of complications of Pneumonia at a chicago area hospital. He suffered from Sarcoidosis, an inflammatory Lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body's organs but had said the condition went into remission in 2005.He was later rehospitalized and treated for pneumonia which his publicist said had no relation to his death.


Until the time of his death, Bernie Mac blended style, authority and a touch of self aware bluster to make audiences laugh as well as connect with him.

He had starring roles in Ocean's Eleven, Bad Santa, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, Guess who's coming to dinner, and a host of others....He drew critical and popular acclaim with his Fox TV Series..The Bernic Mac Show...which aired more than a 100 episodes from 2001-2006.
He was nominated for 2 Golden Globes, with 11 other wins and 28 other nominations in different categories.


As word spreads, tributes are pouring in from the funnyman's friends and colleagues.

Brad Pitt: "I lament the loss of a ferociously funny and hardcore family man. My thoughts are with [his wife] Rhonda and their family. Bernie Mac, you are already missed."

George Clooney: "The world just got a little less funny. He will be dearly missed."

Chris Rock: "Bernie Mac was one of the best and funniest comedians to ever live, but that was the second best thing he did. Bernie was one of the greatest friends a person could have. Losing him is like losing 12 people because he absolutely filled up any room he was in. I'm gonna miss the Mac Man."

Cedric the Entertainer: "It's hard to put into words just how I feel and what a painful loss this is. Bernie was a brother, a friend and one of the comic masters of our time. Sharing the marquee with him during the phenomenon of the Kings of Comedy tour bonded us like family, and created a unique moment in comic history marking some of the most meaningful, memorable and fun times of our lives. His comedic approach was his own brand and will definitely stand the test of time. The level of his talent always inspired me and other comedians to 'bring their A-game.' I promise you that you never wanted to be the guy who had to follow Bernie's set! As a husband and father, he was THE MAN and my thoughts and prayers are with his family. He will truly be missed, but so well remembered."

Don Cheadle: "This is a very sad day for many of us who knew and loved Bernie. He brought so much joy to so many. He will be missed, but heaven just got funnier."

Kelly Preston and John Travolta: "We are heartbroken. He will be deeply missed. He was a wonderful, kind and gentle man."

Ocean's Eleven costar Carl Reiner: "It's a tremendous loss because of his age and the fact that he was such a vital, original human being. When I use the word 'original' I really mean it. He was like no other person I knew. He lived his life to the fullest, even when we were on the set of Ocean's. He had his own little apartment and he cooked and invited people to lunch every day and he had food that was for everybody. He made very exotic things. His conversations were always different than any conversations I had with anyone else. They were very family-oriented; he talked about his wife and children with such love and it's very hard to believe that he's not with us anymore."

Actress/comedienne Niecy Nash, who played Mac's little sister on the hit television series The Bernie Mac Show and acted opposite him in the 2005 film Guess Who, said this about her friend and mentor: "His passing is such a major loss to the acting and comedy communities. Bernie Mac was the personification of the word 'real.' He kept it real. That kind of genuine spirit that he carried all the time cannot be easily duplicated, but I will do my very best to try."

Fox Broadcasting Company and 20th Century Fox Television: "Bernie Mac was a gifted talent whose comedy came from an authentic and highly personal place. He was a tremendous live performer and a wonderful actor. Fox was proud to be the home of The Bernie Mac Show, and all of us at Fox and 20th Century Fox Television extend our deepest sympathies to his wife, Rhonda, and daughter, JeNiece."

Jenifer Lewis: "Bernie's style of comedy was bold, courageous and revolutionary—I never knew anyone who loved to be funny as much as Bernie. He will most definitely be very missed."

Samuel L. Jackson, Mac's costar in the November 2008 flick Soul Men: "It goes without saying that Bernie was one of the preeminent comedians of our generation. He was also an attentive husband, a great father and loving grandfather. I feel blessed to have shared years of friendship with Bernie Mac and I'm honored to have finally costarred with him in what I consider to be his finest cinematic acting achievement. My sincere prayer is that his family will be comforted by the warmth of love from all of us who knew and respected this man."Married for more than 30 years, Mac largely eschewed Hollywood, choosing to live in Chicago.

He is however survived by his wife, Rhonda, a daughter and a granddaughter.

A public memorial is planned for noon august, the 16th at the House of Hope Church in Chicago.

Here's a view of what he did during his lifetyme!

Matured Man Vs. Jerk

Have you ever been in a relationship where Mr. Man became bratty, self righteous, ego centric and self centred as days went by?

I wish to be able to identify myself how to differentiate between a matured man and jerk from the moment i set my eyes on him, thats why i researched for this article.

Have you ever noticed that immature men can't just simply hold on to relationships as well as a matured man can.

P.S, All round physical attractiveness is not an identifying mark for maturity.

In my short study of the above mentioned topic, i realized the following tid bits that i would lllllooooovvvvveeee to share with you.Believe me, this is a good bet for your time and attention.

#1
A matured man can stay calm in the storm and know how to rightly deal with situations.They understand how to remain calm even when things are their most intense and uncertain.This level of groundedness is something most women and I, might i add, love and appreciate about men when things go awry.Criticize a matured man and he will take it positively.

Immature men on the other hand, can't handle a woman's real feelings.He would simply fall apart when even the slightest hint of conflict or tension comes up. He will take it as a personal attack and gripe about it for a long time.Criticize him and the whole world would crumble.

A Matured man can handle your most intense feelings and remain honest and thoughtful when you share them (although they might not always agree with you). They understand the word called "Forgiveness".

An Immature man becomes unsettled and react negatively when a woman is the least bit honest and concerned about anything.To them any need to converse is referred to as drama or unecessary worry or details.

I reckon however that the ideal way to clearly distinct a matured man from a jerk is his ability to listen and communicate in a calm and loving way when a woman is at her most intense with him.
Choosing a man who already has this quality of remaining calm in the storm can and will make everything in your relationship much easier.

ALSO.....

Being conscious about how one communicate feelings with your man, is the sign of a healthy and matured woman.

#2
What's His relationship like with others? Tell me who your friends are and i will tell you who you are...so says that adage. You want to differentiate, watch his relationships with others, who he moves around with!If he has a hard time nurturing and communicating in his relationship with his family, friends and colleagues, then check his maturity level.
If he handles conflicts and issues with patience, compassion and understanding, and a positive attitude that has the goal of a positive and loving outcome in mind, its a good bet to assume this is how he will handle things that might come up with you.

However, if he takes offence whenever anyone sees him as less than perfect...or he instantly defends himself, redirects problems...you can bet he will not handle things well with you.

A relationship to a matured man is of high importance, he takes pride in his partner..differences irrespective.Even if they have to break up, issues are resolved amicably without any rifts.
An Immature man however, blows things out of proportion, takes pleasure in being spiteful,strifeful and unforgiving.Always puts self first and thinks of what is only best for himself.

The clarity i have gotten from the following is a world changer and i must say i am pleased with myself.It has not only empowered me, but helped from stop worrying so much about what men are thinking and doing and start moving towards what is best and appropriate in finding someone who is well grounded and respectful.
I realized you could actually tell alot about a person's maturity level from the very moment you meet them.That is why it is advised strongly that a woman shouldn't jump into bed with a man you don't know, i mean strongly advised....time spent getting to know yourself outside sexual intimacy shows for real, the true character of a person...remember familiarity breeds contempt. The hurt and betrayal that comes from partners involved in sex (especially for the woman)is far greater than when you have avoided sexual intimacy early on in a relationship....there's a level of respect you have for yourself within yourself...(u alone can testify to that) seeing how the person turns out to be at the end of the day.

P.S, Somethings in life are never to be regretted, cos in actual fact, that were eye openers and life changers.E.g. Think about the man you had secretly had a crush on and fantasized about for years.You finally came together and suddenly you realized that they were not much of it after all...Just a waste of emotions and time, selfish, annoying and utterly disrespectful...that's to mention a few....and you say to yourself... what a shame!...was it worth it afterall...

Please for the love of God, put aside your waning feelings for a sec and open your friggin eyes..there are jerks out there claiming to be men...beware!

Now that I know what they act and behave like,then i know He can't love me and be selfish at the same time....

I don talk my own, i dey wait for your own!

Heads Up!

Understanding the purpose of a thing determines how it is going to be utilized.This is why i advocate seriously that a woman be exactly CLEAR for herself when a man isn't measuring up, and that it NOT HER FAULT.

The purpose of any relationship is to grow.If there is no growth, the essence of the relationship is defeated.It is simply understanding what wasn't working,and the old roles you played, which all has to die inorder for you to grow.

It is important we become very honest with ourselves and what's really going on around us.Life is too short to hang around something that isn't good for you or makes you unhappy.The truth is avoiding trading your happiness, insights, or emotional wellbeing for someone's love or approval. It is downright frustrating and more often than not a surety for failure.

You and I know those relationships where you really care about or love someone, but it isn't just working!We try by all means to make or fix things by doing nice things, showing more love and what we get in return is more withdrawal and utter neglect. We make silly excuses for what's going on with our supposed partner by obssessing about what's wrong with US instead of having the confidence to take a good look at what your mate is really doing wrong and accepting this as the reality of the situation.

We all have our differences, we are never the same..our backgrounds,views, opinions, ethics are different, man and women reason differently.Understanding and communicating this clearly without any biases determines greatly how well put together a relationship can or should be.
If we have people in our lives who just can't seem to accept us or put up with us, then fine!It's their loss not our's, trying to play the role of the convincer is just a waste of time and emotion, This is why it is very essential you become clear for yourself on the differences between a "Real man" from a "Boy" so you don't get continuosly caught up in the frustrating and might i add dangerous patterns of trying to have a matured relationship with an immature man.

I realized we don't have to be sorry for who we are or how we were created,we could only be sorry for the errors and accidental mistakes we make and strive to be better, but not entirely kill ourselves about them.
Those who can leave us, can do so because they can...for if they had been for us, they would not have left us at all.

Wouldn't just knowing how a mature man really acts, thinks and talks like in a relationship make things a lot easier?

Doing some serious study...check out my next article, i'll tell you what i found out about the difference between a matured man and a jerk.

see ya...

Preventing Petty Arguments/Usher - Moving Mountains

When i read and thought about this article, i had only one person in mind.Its sad but i knew i had to post the article anyway.

I wondered about the people who simply didn't just understand that we all have varying differences that would at one time or the other lead to arguments and offences.The inability to leave room for such causes strain in relationships.
Nobody is perfect, even though we strive to be the best that we can be, we would still not be perfect.
The power here now lies in our ability channel our arguments healthily without causing drag-outs and constant disagreements that would eventually cut down on the Life span of our relationships.



1. Don't taunt your mate.
Avoid the temptation to do or say those things that you know irritate your mate. This includes constant teasing, ridicule, and gestures that send your mate into a tizzy or rage. Also, avoid the body-language "comments" ranging from rolling your eyes to smirking sarcastically.
2. Change the subject. If it appears you're going down that familiar trail of bickering, ambush the conversation by jumping in with a comment on a more pleasant topic.
3. Keep to your agreements. If you say you will be on time or pick up your dirty socks, then do it. Flaking on a small agreement can escalate into something bigger. Making agreements and not keeping them -- minor or major -- can set the stage for constant arguing, and no couple needs that.
4. Hold your tongue. Though you may want to blurt out a criticism or a snide remark, restrain yourself. When you decide to keep some remarks to yourself, you may avoid petty arguments altogether. Remember that old adage: "If you can't say anything nice..."
5. Don't engage. Another famous saying: "It takes two to tango." If you refuse to play the bickering game when your mate starts in, he/she will have to look elsewhere to direct his/her jabs.
6. Forget about being right. It is oh-so tempting to want to climb all over your mate when he/she does not live up to his/her minor promises (like not getting your car washed yesterday when he/she promised). Yes, you're right: He/she is wrong, but is it worth getting into a huff about? Granted, it's irritating to count on someone for something and not have them come through, but save the "I'm right and you're wrong" for the big stuff, like when your mate says he/she will make a commitment to stop swearing in front of your parents and continues to do so.
7. Forget the "tit for tat." It's a natural response to want to get even with those who hurt your feelings or make you mad, but what does that do for your relationship? When the sun sets, wouldn't you rather snuggle up and watch it together than sulk in different rooms? There is never any point in leveling the playing field.
8. If it's not a deal-breaker, let it go. Sometimes all of us get mired in the petty things, when it is far better to roll with them. As you begin to partake in a petty argument, ask yourself whether what you're fighting over is something that could cause the demise of your relationship. If the answer is "no," then go with the flow.
9. Find another outlet for venting. Many petty arguments are a result of one person unloading on another because he/she has had a bad day. Take up boxing, swing that racket extra hard on the tennis court, get on the treadmill, run like Forrest Gump, but do not take out your bad day on your mate by picking a fight over nothing. Direct your frustration elsewhere.
10. Be prepared. If your mate gets lost every time he/she gets behind the wheel, find your destination in Yahoo! Local ahead of time. When your mate starts to complain that he/she cannot find the way, don't nag. Slide the directions over to your mate or read them off nicely.
11. Ply your sense of humor.
Nothing diffuses a petty argument faster than humor. Make light of the pettiness; you will find the absurdity of what you're fighting over amusing. Humor is essential in any relationship. But, don't use humor -- or what you perceive as humorous -- to de-value what your mate is feeling.

Arguing over petty matters can set the stage for chronic fighting, which is exhausting. That is not to suggest that you should roll over and go with the flow all of the time. Should you give up your "self" in the process of trying to appease your mate, you can easily create even greater damage to the relationship because resentments build up over time. If the petty arguments are chronic, talk them through, or get help from a professional who can help the two of you negotiate your differences. Too much arguing or too much resentment can lead to a breakup because most people will not stay in a relationship where there is constant discord. It is best to learn to delineate the trivial differences from the big ones so that you do not set the stage for letting your differences -- large or small -- split you apart.


Stacy D. Phillips is a certified family law specialist and author of "Divorce: It's All About Control -- How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars." Phillips represents many celebrities in film, television, music, sports, and politics.