Question Time

What are the defining characters of one is who is picky or choosy when it comes to relationships?

Is being picky and choosy in itself wrong?

My friend asked me today, if she were the one responsible for her single state?She told me her friends took her for the above mentioned when asked  to weigh her out.

She has been in countless relationships, both with the married men and single men.All of which have brought nothing to show for it.

She met a single guy not too long ago, who she didn't feel any attraction towards.The guy was all over her but she didn't just like him on that romantic level.There is no guy in sight currently and she's worried, if she had made a mistake by letting him go.

She's bothered if its true what the say about her.

I have pitched in my own onions to her, i am just wondering if at this stage,people are not allowed the right to actually choose who they want and like what they choose.

Is there a problem just loving the ones we love and not feeling for the one's we don't.

ITS REVOLUTION TIME!WHO'S IN?

I am doing this article for greyamethyst, i really like that chic and i can't help but hurt with her.Seriously relationships are hard, take a good look at the percentage of articles posted by a good number of bloggers and it has to do with alot of relationship hiccups.Its good for some,yet sorely bad for others.Its so painful and the question is...should relationships be this hard?

I won't lie to you,but this post had been done before,but i had to revisit it.

Understanding the purpose of a thing determines how it is going to be utilized.This is why i advocate seriously that a woman be exactly CLEAR for herself when a man isn't measuring up, and that it is NOT HER FAULT and in most cases there is little one can do about it.

The purpose of any relationship is to grow.If there is no growth, the essence of the relationship is defeated.It is simply understanding what wasn't working,and the old roles you played, which all has to die inorder for you to grow.

It is important we become very honest with ourselves and what's really going on around us.Life is too short to hang around something that isn't good for you or makes you unhappy.The truth is to avoid trading your happiness, insights, or emotional wellbeing for someone's love or approval. It is downright frustrating and more often than not a surety for failure.

You and I know those relationships where you really care about or love someone, but it isn't just working!We try by all means to make or fix things by doing nice things, showing more love and what we get in return is more withdrawal and utter neglect. We make silly excuses for what's going on with our supposed partner by obssessing about what's wrong with US instead of having the confidence to take a good look at what your mate is really doing wrong and accepting this as the reality of the situation.

We all have our differences, we are never the same..our backgrounds,views, opinions, ethics are different, man and women reason differently.Understanding and communicating this clearly without any biases determines greatly how well put together a relationship can or should be.
If we have people in our lives who just can't seem to accept us or put up with us, then fine!It's their loss not our's, trying to play the role of the convincer is just a waste of time and emotion, As Donald Trump said in the first season of the apprentice, "Taking the begging route,never makes you win"

I realized we don't have to be sorry for who we are or how we were created,we could only be sorry for the errors and accidental mistakes we make and strive to be better, but not entirely kill ourselves about them.
Those who can leave us, can do so because they can...for if they had been for us, they would not have left us at all.

Its sad and very depressing when a relationship ends,it seems like a part of us just dies,like the person takes a part of us and disappears with  it.Its the severing that makes us think we can't go on,but truthfully we can and when the time passes, we look back, see that we have survived.

I have seen friends crack seriously at the end of a relationship,took the begging route and yet didn't suceed.Some can handle their feelings,yet others can't..no blame laying here....we are all wired differently.

Suffice to say, when one party quits then we should quit too..abeg this doesn't apply to marriages oh!...we sure can't beg anyone to stay.Its entirely their choice.If they let go, we should also do the same.

Ok if you think that differently,please share your views.My stand on the matter is that we can't make anyone stay with us,if they don't want to.

In the absence of not knowing!

In the absence of not knowing what to write for a full four days, going in and out of emotions.I have decided to say -

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

And yes i have this great gal and her sister doing a tour around africa by road,by ferry and stuff.I think they are so cool.Naija babes oh! I wish i had them guts!

Thanks to everybody who commented on my previous post...you all rock.

ehn ehn their blog site is http://africacelebrates.blogspot.com/ , i seriously advocate that you check em out and give your support.

To everyone in Naija, wishing u all a very restful public holiday.

tooooodlllooooooo.

Dating a matured man

Have you ever been in a relationship where Mr. Man became bratty, self righteous, ego centric and self centred as days went by?

I wish to be able to identify myself how to differentiate between a matured man and jerk from the moment i set my eyes on him, thats why i researched for this article.

Have you ever noticed that immature men can't just simply hold on to relationships as well as a matured man can.

P.S, All round physical attractiveness is not an identifying mark for maturity.

In my short study of the above mentioned topic, i realized the following tid bits that i would lllllooooovvvvveeee to share with you.Believe me, this is a good bet for your time and attention.

#1
A matured man can stay calm in the storm and know how to rightly deal with situations.They understand how to remain calm even when things are their most intense and uncertain.This level of groundedness is something most women and I, might i add, love and appreciate about men when things go awry.Criticize a matured man and he will take it positively.

Immature men on the other hand, can't handle a woman's real feelings.He would simply fall apart when even the slightest hint of conflict or tension comes up. He will take it as a personal attack and gripe about it for a long time.Criticize him and the whole world would crumble.

A Matured man can handle your most intense feelings and remain honest and thoughtful when you share them (although they might not always agree with you). They understand the word called "Forgiveness".

An Immature man becomes unsettled and react negatively when a woman is the least bit honest and concerned about anything.To them any need to converse is referred to as drama or unecessary worry or details.

I reckon however that the ideal way to clearly distinct a matured man from a jerk is his ability to listen and communicate in a calm and loving way when a woman is at her most intense with him.
Choosing a man who already has this quality of remaining calm in the storm can and will make everything in your relationship much easier.

ALSO.....

Being conscious about how one communicate feelings with your man, is the sign of a healthy and matured woman.

#2
What's His relationship like with others? Tell me who your friends are and i will tell you who you are...so says that adage. You want to differentiate, watch his relationships with others, who he moves around with!If he has a hard time nurturing and communicating in his relationship with his family, friends and colleagues, then check his maturity level.
If he handles conflicts and issues with patience, compassion and understanding, and a positive attitude that has the goal of a positive and loving outcome in mind, its a good bet to assume this is how he will handle things that might come up with you.

However, if he takes offence whenever anyone sees him as less than perfect...or he instantly defends himself, redirects problems...you can bet he will not handle things well with you.

A relationship to a matured man is of high importance, he takes pride in his partner..differences irrespective.Even if they have to break up, issues are resolved amicably without any rifts.
An Immature man however, blows things out of proportion, takes pleasure in being spiteful,strifeful and unforgiving.Always puts self first and thinks of what is only best for himself.

The clarity i have gotten from the following is a world changer and i must say i am pleased with myself.It has not only empowered me, but helped from stop worrying so much about what men are thinking and doing and start moving towards what is best and appropriate in finding someone who is well grounded and respectful.
I realized you could actually tell alot about a person's maturity level from the very moment you meet them.That is why it is advised strongly that a woman shouldn't jump into bed with a man you don't know, i mean strongly advised....time spent getting to know yourself outside sexual intimacy shows for real, the true character of a person...remember familiarity breeds contempt. The hurt and betrayal that comes from partners involved in sex (especially for the woman)is far greater than when you have avoided sexual intimacy early on in a relationship....there's a level of respect you have for yourself within yourself...(u alone can testify to that) seeing how the person turns out to be at the end of the day.

P.S, Somethings in life are never to be regretted, cos in actual fact, that were eye openers and life changers.E.g. Think about the man you had secretly had a crush on and fantasized about for years.You finally came together and suddenly you realized that they were not much of it after all...Just a waste of emotions and time, selfish, annoying and utterly disrespectful...that's to mention a few....and you say to yourself... what a shame!...was it worth it afterall...

Please for the love of God, put aside your waning feelings for a sec and open your friggin eyes..there are jerks out there claiming to be men...beware!

Now that I know what they act and behave like,then i know He can't love me and be selfish at the same time....

"I don talk my own, i dey wait for your own!"

Thankful

I stand today simply in awe of God's Faithfulness and i say "Bianule"...come and see what the good Lord has done.

Having done all i possibly know, in every human facet...i surrender and give it all to the Almighty God, my Father, The All Sufficient, The All knowing and all wise God.

O the depths of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are His Judgements, and His ways past finding out!
For who has known the mind of the Lord? or who has been His counsellor 
or who has first given to Him and it shall be recompensed unto Him again.
For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things:
to Him be all glory for ever, Amen......Romans 11: 33 - 36

Today, I thank the Lord for Life. 
I am grateful because i can arise from my bed after a sleep that could have crossed me over to eternity and this could have only been possible because He himself chose to sustain me.

I thank Him for my family and friends, who have stuck with me through thick and thin. Loving me, caring for me and supporting me.

I thank Him for the opportunities and benefits he daily loads me with. The chance to grow, live and learn, to forgive, forget and love inspite of it all.

I thank Him for the enemies that rose up against me with great trials, temptations and persecutions. Had they not risen, i would never have known the victory He given me.

I thank Him for wisdom in deciphering opportunities. Knowing the ones i should hold onto and the ones i should let go.

I thank Him for the relationships that have worked and those that never materialized. I thank Him for the people that have stayed with me inspite of my flaws and i thank Him for the ones that have walked, it was simply because they could walk away, for had they stayed i would never have met the right ones.

I thank Him for the delays. They have taught me what it meant to wait and be patient. Given me the strength to know there are times and there are definately seasons and that no matter how long, my store house will without a doubt be filled.

I thank Him because of the Inheritance i possess in Him. I thank Him for the Garment of salvation He clothe me with, the Robe of Righteousness he endowed me, the cloak of praise He showered me with inspite of the madness around me.

I thank Him for preservation from Death,witholding my frail body from sickness, diseases and infirmity. Preserving me, friends and family from the dominating influence of disaster, ignominy, shame and reproach the world brings. Shielding me from all these by His word...Psalm 91....Guarding me consistently from harmsway, giving His Angels absolute charge over me.

I thank Him for His unending grace and mercy. Never failing, never ending. Consistently standing as a reminder for me inspite of my flaws and failings.

There are so many things I thank you for, things seen and those unseen. But most importantly, I thank you because you're not only My God and Father,You are my Friend, Lover, Savior,Protector, My Glory and Shield.
All of this are insufficient to describe your faithfulness or who you are in its entirety.

I therefore come to this conclusion as my Fathers in Faith would and have and i proudly and unashamedly say, looking beyond myself or what i might be faced with right now to say that even if you refuse to remain God, You will forever be mine.

P.S...I got a call from another bank for a chat..and guess what the funny thing is..i dont know anybody there, i have never written any aptitude test, yet they have called me like three times between last week and now.

God is Simply Good.

Tension!..Just for the sake of giving it a title

P.S* Peeps.This is not a post in any way.I am just looking for a way to relieve myself of tension.

Please do not mind me!

In the last one year now i have been doing an entrance level interview with the Equitorial Trust Bank(ETB). The time difference between each interview is usually very long and depressing.On several ocassions, i have given up on the search for that particular job offer.

Again after about 7 months, i was called for the final stage interview.I have been waiting again for the last two weeks to be called. Only for me to receive a call from one d peeps i did the interview with that she had just gotten her offer letter. I was happy for her yet distraught at the same time,y..because i have not received any such call.

I have been calling quite a number of people who did the interview with me and the response i get is in the affirmative. Oh dear!..i want this job so badly.I am almost at the point of a panic attack.

I am freaking out, my palms are sweaty, i am so anxious.My spirit keeps telling me to relax but i can't just seem to put myself up to it.I don't want this opportunity to pass me by, i so need this change.

Oh God! Please help me.

P.S* I warned you oh..this is not a post oh...i can't even concentrate on doing blog rounds.

HOME IS RIGHT HERE!

Today i am so emotional,but in a very good way.Why because in a short amount of time,not only has my life changed, my entire thought process has been rekindled and has received the capacity to be renewed on a continous basis.

Everyone needs companionship, nobody and i repeat,nobody is supposed to be ever alone. We don't have to go thru the ups and downs of life alone. We were created for companionship, no one is born an island. You were made for me and i for you. The purpose of our meeting is such that i might be better than how you found me.

With you i have learnt to develop a good attitude inspite of what i face.To keep my focus in the right place and not on my problems.Understanding the need to have a sense of humor and not be uptight and shrewd.

With you i have learnt that happiness increases my chances of attracting my much desired need unlike sadness, that tends to sap away my almost already diminished strength.

With you i have learnt to be open minded, transparent and honest, for who knows through my giving, someone else might receive life for today. Never to take anyone for granted,but hold  every person in high esteem.No harm in being kind.

With you i have learnt to share and not hoard, for to what purpose is it if  a man gains the whole world yet loose his soul.Learnt enthusiasm, open mindedness and empathy.

With you i have learnt courage, to do the much dreaded inspite of my fears...knowing that an airplane doesn't go along with the wind but against the wind.With this i have learnt no to cower in fear but be courageous and strong.

With you i have learnt motivation.Learnt how to have fun,yet acquiring knowledge at the same time.Here i have come to understand the true meaning of venting knowing that i have peeps like you watching my back.Her i am safe,free and unafraid to be myself in my quest of being successful. Here my secrets are safe.

With you i have learnt that everybody goes through the same stuff i do in varying proportions and everyone that i know from here has lived through them in one way or the other. I have learnt that mess ups are real and common,yet never forgetting the fact that we are simply human.I have learnt the need for forgiveness and the need to repent when wrong.

With you i have come to understand the true depth of love that cuts across sharing,caring,understanding,forgiving and not being judgemental. Understanding that people do respond to openness, sincerity and genuiness and that the strength of one's character is duly displayed in adversity.

With you my self esteem that has been ripped to shreds has been boosted, i have earned a sense of belonging in your presence.I have come to understand through you that true joy and fulfillment can only be found being in the centre of God's divine purposes.Landing right smack dab in the middle of his will.

With you i have learnt the true meaning of being a whole, strong and settled woman.Who doesn't have to wait around for prince charming to make life happen for her.I have come to understand what it means to be quite a catch.

I could go on forever stating the things i have learnt knowing you, but i am leaving the rest for you to decide for yourselves....which is to say..what have u learnt from blogsville?

Its been a short journey, but it has been tremendously blissful,fulfilling and satisfying in all ramifications and i have enjoyed everybit of it. Here i am living on a new level..no more mediocrity. I am useful here..my skills are being to put to the test here...the sweet refiners fire.

The "you" that i refer to are the consistent,ardent,ever faithful bloggers on blogsville. I dedicate this post to you all for your drive and zeal to being yourselves and giving room for others to grow and learn through you ever flowing words of encouragement.

We might be from different families,ethnic groups,backgrounds,living in different continents of the world,but ...we are all the same...one family, one blogsville blood flows through us all. We have been made for ourselves. You for me and I for you.

With all my love to the Blogsville Family(not community).

I dedicate this song to you all

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