The Cons of SOS'

I really thot deeply about this post, thot it would be helpful to share.....

Asking for help is psychologically risky because it triggers a mechanism in the human psyche called the norm of reciprocity. If you give me something—money, advice, time—I must give something to you that we tacitly agree is of roughly equal value. Otherwise we won't sustain an amicable bond for long. Only the churlish keep score overtly, of course, but even generous people get uneasy when one party in a relationship takes and takes and takes without giving anything in return.

1. Frame all your problems as how-to questions
Simply begging for aid when you feel overwhelmed is likely to make honest folks back away, while exploiters smell blood in the water. Instead, you might do better to phrase all your problems as "how" questions: "How do I break through the glass ceiling in this company?" "How should I go about changing this flat tire?" "How can I help cure AIDS?" Whether your problem is tiny or monumental, asking "How…?" means you're a capable person in the process of becoming even more capable—not a charity case or a manipulator's mark.
The more actively you pursue the knowledge and skills to extricate yourself from a mess, the more new sources you'll locate.

2. Locate sources of information and insight
The more specific your how-to questions, the more quickly they'll lead to useful strategies or solutions from individuals, books, TV shows, Web sites and a thousand sources you won't even notice until your attention is primed. As New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman (among others) has pointed out, the accessibility of information has exploded so dramatically over the past few decades that humble individuals can now solve problems and perform feats once reserved for a few elite experts.

"To paraphrase the adage: If you wheedle a fish from someone, you'll eat for a day; if you wheedle advice from a great fisherman, you'll eat for a lifetime."

3. Take fishing lessons
The key here is that you're soliciting help that won't diminish the resources of the other person. Each person's supply of "fish" (funding, energy, time) is limited, but fishing know-how can be replicated infinitely, at negligible cost. Even if you're going with a money problem to your filthy rich uncle, ask for education, not a handout. "Please give me money" is a self-disempowering request. "Please show me how to resolve this financial muddle" is a self-empowering one, even if Uncle Buckmeister also pitches in with a cash donation (which he's much more likely to do for a determined problem-solver than a simple beggar).
If you honestly set out to learn how to untangle your own snafus, you'll find that even people who shy away from raw neediness start offering advice.

4. Receive with gratitude, not grasping
Whether you've asked for it or not, help that's given freely is part of grace, meaning that the only response necessary to satisfy the norm of reciprocity is gratitude. And what I mean by gratitude is not "Thanks…and what else can you do for me?" Grasping at help like a drowning swimmer tends to scare away the resources you've already got, as well as potential assistance.

!!!...Notes

According to a new blog site i found today...www.theparakeet.blogspot.com which states "EVERYTHING COMES INTO THEIR OWN IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME". I have not only resolved to wait patiently, hold steadfastly,believe endlessly, but also to place this is as a reminder, such that when the fullness of my time appears i would know how to rejoice, and place a hold on where i had been.

In the fullness of time, i am too sure i will meet the man for me..who will not only love me for what i look like, but accept my flaws,live with them and not be stirred by my imperfections.

In the fullness of time, i will also rejoice over that desired job and accordingly give thanks to the Almighty for helping me learn the true meaning of waiting on Him.

Everything i have xperienced till now has been shadows...the best i must say is yet to come.Everyone has their time...i wait resolutely, thankfully, acquiring all that needs acquiring while i wait, fighting the need to give up, yet waiting.

Turn by turn.....i am moving forward.....

When a man loves a woman

Correct me if i am wrong, but when a man loves a woman i think this is what he'll do for her.

His mind is on her. He is consumed with thoughts of protection and provision. He pays close attention to her every word, her wants and desires. He looks for ways to please her, to lavish gifts upon her. If he truly cares about her, he won’t hold back materially…he’ll create little ways, find avenues to meet her needs.

When a man loves a woman he longs to be near her. Nothing else in his day to day life can come close to matching the memory of his time spent with her. He loves the sound of her laughter, the beauty of her smile. He is fascinated with her fluidity and entire personality.

Try to stand in the path of a man who truly loves his woman. Try to separate him from her. Try to keep them apart and you will experience the dedication, the drive, the sheer unrelenting force of his will power. He will move a city to get to her. He will leave everything behind and pursue her with a passion that has little or no regard for others. If you stand in his way he will punish you. You will quickly come to understand the consequences of blocking the path of a man who loves a woman.

When a man loves a woman his heart beats faster when he is with her. Emotions surface that he has no words for. At the mere sound of her voice, butterflies flutter in his chest and belly. 

When a man truly loves a woman, she knows she has been loved. Her body reacts to his slightest touch. Her ears can locate the sound of his whisper in a crowded room. She feels safe in his arms, secure in his presence. She has a peace in her mind when chaos surrounds her. She is confident that the determination and strength of Hercules is at her side.

When a man loves a woman, she is rest assured that he is a fortress for their home.
Sometimes a woman has a tainted past. Do you think he is concerned about the past? He is in love with her. His love for her covers her imperfections. He hopes the very best for her. He can leave her a gift on her pillow for no apparent reason other than to make her smile. He sees the good qualities in her and is blind to anything else.

When a man loves a woman he calls her on the phone in the middle of the day, just to hear her voice. He stops at the store and searches out the things she enjoys. He may not understand why she likes sweets and flowers and silk and delicate things. He may not understand how she finds beauty in jewelry and diamonds. It doesn't matter. He is on a mission. He brings these things to her because he loves her. 
Do you know how far a man will travel who loves a woman? Are you aware of the pain he will endure to reach her? Here is your answer. When a man loves a woman there is no limit to the distance he will go. There is no end to the struggle he will overcome to get to her. A man who loves a woman knows no pain too great. He will shed his blood for her; an adversary or his own, it is of no consequence.

When a woman has been loved by a man, she will know it. There is no mistaking this power with lust or ambition. She will know it and the world around her will know it. Look into her eyes, the evidence is there. You can see it in the way she longs for his touch and no other. If you are in doubt she will tell you quickly, "This is my man, my Prince, my Knight!" 

This should help you know, whether he’s stringing you along or deeply committed to you. Any relationship in my opinion that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for, is too expensive.

Question?

Having spent 26+ years without a stable boyfriend...would it be advisable to jump ship and date anyone, just to avoid the alone times????

Deep Feelings

I knew i had to endure, i knew i had to exercise my ability to bear prolonged exertion, pain and hardship despite the present looming circumstance around me to get ahead. For a full week i couldn't do what i had come to love...blogging because i was weighed down immensely.

In my consistent attempt to be the best i can be, be fulfilled and be deeply rooted and satisfied in my niche, the road has been tumultous, frustrating and depressing.Searching intently for my place, where i wouldn't just be one, a regular in the crowd. Deep within my heart, there's an assurance it would be okay, but the ever nagging and present reality sends bolts that are sufficient to wobble the knees.

I need to stay motivated, be confident and reassured resolutely that everything would be alrite.Waiting as it is known is usually worthwhile in the end, but the distance between the beginning and the end is never easy, whether one is waiting for a job, a result, or a phone call.

In the midst of my wait, as the storms begin to rage, my desire to remain grateful begins to wane.My heart wants to remain thankful but my flesh questions the need to be, seeing that things aren't going very well. While i dilly dallied between my decision on gratitude, i stumbled upon what helped....

In everything give thanks..."before now i had wondered how one could give thanks  when everything looked bleak with no hope in sight.But then realised the scripture did not say, for everything but in everything.And why? ...To keep me motivated, inspite of setbacks. Now my gratitude not only keeps me alive but makes me wiser, helping me see beyond where i am. Gratitude according to Melanie Beattie unlocks the fullness of life, turns what we have to enough, and more, turns chaos into order, confusion to clarity, the unexpected to perfect timing and mistakes into important events.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates vision for tomorrow.

Stand Up concert +VMA Highlights

 Singers Pose withL.A Reid and Kenny "Babyface" Edmond.

Hollywood on Friday the 5th of September,2008 stood up against cancer in the much awaited Stand Up to cancer concert. The event attracted various celebs from christina applegate, christina ricci, sheryl crom,david cook,keanu reaves and many more....

The picture below features the top female singers that sang the su2c anthem...just stand up.From L-R, Keiysha cole, Leona Lewis, Fergie,Ciara,Mariah Carey, Beyonce,Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Carrie Underwood,Miley Cyrus,Ashanti, Natasha Bedingfield and Nicole Scherzinger(who by the way is an addition, cos am not sure she sang with them)...

Missing in the list is Sheryl crow...i guess she was busy on the red carpet..., Leann Rimes and Melissa Etheridge...dunno where those ones disappeared to..

        

MTV 2008 VMA HIGHLIGHTS

BEST FEMALE VIDEO
Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
BEST MALE VIDEO
Chris Brown, "With You"
BEST DANCING IN A VIDEO
Pussycat Dolls, "When I Grow Up"
BEST ROCK VIDEO
Linkin Park, "Shadow of the Day"
BEST HIP HOP VIDEO
Lil Wayne, "Lollipop"
BEST NEW ARTIST
Tokio Hotel, "Ready, Set, Go!"
BEST POP VIDEO
Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
BEST ART DIRECTION
Gnarls Barkley "Run"
BEST CHOREOGRAPHY
Gnarls Barkley "Run"
BEST DIRECTION
Erykah Badu "Honey"
BEST EDITING
Death Cab For Cutie "I Will Possess Your Heart"
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
White Stripes "Conquest"
BEST SPECIAL FX
Kanye West and T-Pain "Good Life."

  

Rihanna going goth with disturbia, Solange Knowles looking chic, Britney spears esctatic, ciara uhmmming.

  

 Paris Hilton &Benji..can she miss it!Naaah, Keri Hilson, Kanye West

  

Mel B, Jordin Sparks, Nicole Scherzinger

 

 Rihanna and Chris Brown ....Lovers in tow(Don't they just look cute together.

    

Unmistakable T-pain, Cute & Rugged Bleu Corbin, Miley Cyrus, Michael Phelps

 
Pink strutting her white hair, christina looking really boobyyyy

Why do we cheat?

I spent the better part of last week wondering why we do the above....the question that made me ponder the most was what cheating in itself constituted...would it be being physically intimate alone with another person's partner, having inordinate emotional feelings that constitutes cheating or are there other acts that makes one a cheater.

Uhmmm.....i am just wondering....I asked a couple of people what it meant to cheat...got some answers...still wasn't sufficient to numb my curiosity, so i went in search again...Was my curiosity satisfied....i'll be waiting on your response to decipher that.

Different people have different views as to what constitutes ‘cheating’. For some(gender irrespective) , for the partner simply to look at another  may be regarded as cheating, for others it is being intimate with another person that constitutes ‘cheating, and there are some who appear able to accept flirting and even intimacy with another person but it is an emotional involvement that constitutes ‘cheating’.
So let us try first to establish what is ‘cheating’ and what might be considered ‘normal’ behaviour. First of all, there needs to be some degree of commitment and exclusivity between the two partners, furthermore, this commitment needs to be understood and agreed by both people. Without this there can be little question of ‘cheating’ on behalf of either party.
Obviously, marriage, engagement, living together would constitute a degree of commitment. Regularly dating for a period, may also be seen as constituting a commitment. It is here that the confusion starts to arise for a man may not feel he is committed to another person until he has said so to her, for the woman the simple fact that he dates her regularly may be seen as a sign of commitment.

Having gotten that out of the way, the usual glib answer gotten for cheating is because "they can"...but is this answer justifiable or satisfactory.....i guess not!Men and women have various reasons why they cheat and yes of course, we women sabi cheat well well!!...(that is if i am following the above definition).

To some men, having many partners is seen as a symbol of their status,a need to boost their ego or esteem.The motivation is usually sex - new sex, more sex,different sex-(newness and variety).Studies show most men who cheat want to experiment sexually and experience the rush associated with "new sex". It is said that it is their way of prolonging indefinitely the early and intoxicating phase of infatuation in a relationship. Others believe men have affairs to avoid intimacy, recover their lost youth, or escape an unhappy marriage.

Men who fear intimacy will have affairs to maintain power in their relationships. If a man doesn't commit to his lover, he controls his level of vulnerability. Some men cheat in fact to avoid any real intimacy. Intimacy scares them, so they distance themselves from their partners by cheating on them and they don’t get emotionally involved with their lovers. This way they never have to trust their partners or rely on them. This kind of man may also fear conflict.
Then there are men who will strike up an affair when they start to feel the fear and loss that comes with aging. They realize they are no longer young and invulnerable, so they have an affair to deny that they are getting old. Finding someone who is “young and new,” makes them feel more youthful and in the game.(Whatever that is!).

Women on the other are not at all left out.As supposed to men, women are motivated to cheat by more emotional factors than men. Women are really looking for communication and emotional intimacy in the new bond.They want to talk to someone who makes them feel important, cared for, secure and understood.The search for feeling sexy, playful and less sexually inhibited may also be a start of an affair for a woman.While sex does happen, sharing confidences ranks high in importance.

I am too sure a lot of us will say that none of these reasons are justifiable.Whether it is boredom, search for self-esteem,pain that relationships bring,newness and variety, whatever....so has this article answered the thorny question of why we cheat?Probably not!.This question in itself is a very complex one and the reasons or causes will vary from instance to instance.

Share your views and experiences, if you're a cheater or you've been cheated on....i really would like to hear from you.

Swazi King's Quest for the 14th bride---some serious stuff!

Swaziland's King Mswati III on Thursday sent more than 50 000 virgin girls into the fields to cut reed for an annual ritual next week at which he may choose his 14th bride.
The ceremony on Monday comes ahead of controversial double celebrations to mark the impoverished kingdom's 40 years of independence from Britain and Mswati's 40th birthday on 6 September.
"Since you know that the country is faced with these major activities, I urge you to behave yourselves and make sure that you display respect so that tourists would return to the country," the Queen mother, Ntombi Twala, told the girls.
The girls were sent to two locations to cut reeds to be used in the annual Reed Dance ceremony at Ludzidzini royal palace near the capital Mbabane.
The age-old reed dance is aimed at encouraging young women to preserve their purity and abstain from sexual activity before marriage.
But the ceremony has seemingly failed to make an impression on the scourge of HIV/Aids in a country where close to 40 percent of the adult population of one million are infected with the virus, according to a UN report.
The dance spectacle is characterized by bare-breasted maidens, clad in colourful short skirts or sarongs. The king, who has 13 wives, may choose a new bride among the young girls.
The king and eight of his wives returned last week from a controversial Middle East shopping trip in preparation for the so called 40-40 celebrations.
The trip attracted unprecedented condemnation from women’s' groups, political parties and civil society groups.






Bare breasted Virgins compete for Swazi king
LUDZIDZINI ROYAL VILLAGE, Swaziland experienced how Tens of thousands of bare-breasted virgins competed for King Mswati III's eye in a traditional Reed Dance.
Walking through the dense crowds in a leopard skin loin cloth, Sub-Saharan Africa's last absolute monarch was expected to choose his 14th wife.
Critics say Mswati, who has courted controversy for his lavish lifestyle while two thirds of his subjects live in poverty, sets a bad example by encouraging polygamy and teenage sex in a country where about 40 percent of adults live with HIV.
Some of the women did not seem to mind, hoping to escape from the southern African nation's hardships for the easy life.
"I came here to dance. I wish the king would have chosen me because it's nice at the king's place. The wives live a nice life," said Tenene Dlamini, 16, in a traditional brown skirt.
"Everything is done for them. They don't work. They earn."
The Reed Dance has been a big date on the Swaziland cultural calendar since Mswati began the ceremony in 1999.
But he may not be as relaxed this year among the throngs of young half-naked women.
Political groups seeking democratic reforms have become more active in a country where the opposition has been effectively banned since 1973 by royal decree.
They are critical of plans to hold next weekend's celebrations of the king's 40th birthday in conjunction with the 40th anniversary of Swaziland's independence from Britain.
Still, some of Swaziland's women came to the Ludzidzini Royal Village to show their admiration for the monarch.
"I respect the king and I respect my culture," said Nontobeko Sdidlamini, 16, carrying a shield made of animal skin and wearing an orange bracelet which read "Sex Can Wait".
Some said they would not want to be part of a polygamous arrangement with the king and were taking part in the ceremony to prove their virginity. Others fear they lost out.
"My sister is the king's tenth wife. I don't think he can choose me because he has already chosen my sister," said Zandisile Ntentesa, a 21-year-old prison employee.
The king, flanked by bodyguards with pistols and sticks, may face pressure from emboldened critics. But he can take comfort from the wealth which wins him tributes and songs at the reed ceremony.

Last month, Forbes magazine listed him as the 15th-richest monarch in the world. He was the only African on the list.
During the reed festivities, one of the king's wives drove up in a fancy BMW. Policemen told people to look the other way.