Attitude is Everything!

My attitude determines my altitude.

What i do affects the response or results i receive from others, which affects my attitude towards life, informs the next move i make, decides the outcome of my actions, which will in turn have a profound effect on my joy, fulfillment, success and everything at large - Michelle Mckinney Hammond

It is a defining factor in determining our Spiritual, Emotional and Physical wellbeing.Someone once said there are three views of who we are - ours, other's and God's.So who do we listen to?..good question...you only can tell.

If attitude is then everything, how then does it affect my emotional being....how can i be emotionally independent, matured and resolute?

I seem to have known quite a handful of men in my lifetime, some very good, just good, good and others regretably bad.Each of them falls under one of these categories and had a major role to play in how emotional stable or unstable i have been.Nonetheless, it is learning through each experience that has given me the leverage and strength to write about this.

I met someone recently,under what circumstance irrespective, i feel honored to have met the person.We got talking and the person told me indirectly that i was a people pleaser and would do anything to get into someone's good book, even when it literally made me uncomfortable.

The truth behind this made me shiver,sending me to my roots.Therefore, i stand to find out...does my attitude determine my emotional maturity? If it does then i am on the search and still searching for what it means to be emotionally matured...so far this is what i have gotten...

For starters, i did a check on the following to see if i had all the symptoms....i alone can tell where i stand...u decide where u stand..

-Am I Egocentric?
Am i self-centered and selfish. Do i have little regard for others and am i preoccupied with only my ideas, feelings and symptoms. Do i deeply believe that i am somehow special. Do i demand constant attention, respect and sympathy.

-Do I have Uncontrolled Emotions?
Do I express myself in temper tantrums, prolonged pouts and rapidly changing moods. Do i get frustrated easily, and over-react to perceived criticism.

- Do i want it all now. Is my behavior superficial, thoughtless and impulsive. Does my loyalty last only as long as a relationship seems useful. Do i have chaotic finances.

- Am I Dependent
Am i indecisive, easily influenced and do i avoid responsibility for my actions. Do i stay in unpleasant relationships to avoid change.

"Having viewed the following, i decided to go in search of solutions to the above, just in case i were found faultering".

Emotional Maturity implies controlling your emotions more willingly than letting your emotions to give you the orders. Your emotional maturity predicts your ability to manage and monitor your emotions, to assess the emotional state of others and to influence their opinions and behavior..
One's emotional maturity seem to be most profoundly influenced by your relationship history or trauma history.

Nonetheless, it determines the quality of our relationships.

Characteristics / Traits of Emotionally Mature People

- Thinking sooner than acting and having control over one’s behavior.

- Having the sense of self-reliance and the capability to take accountability for one’s life and actions.

- Having patience.

- Bonding with others in a supportive and constructive manner. Actually caring about others and representing their concern.

- Acting honestly and living by one's principles.

- Keeping self-control and balance in all things.

- Having the capacity to tackle difficult and demanding situations.

At times, Immaturity can also be related to child abuse and emotional incest. Go through the given questions and find out if you’re emotionally mature.

Do you deal with sudden change?
Do you pay attention to other people's ideas?
Do you make out your feelings as they occur?
Do you act wisely and mature enough under stress?
Do you express your feelings properly?
Do you take accountability for your actions and behavior?
Do you control intense emotions and impulses?

If your answer is ‘No’ to any of these questions, it points out part of your life when you’re not exactly emotionally mature. Stress, in extreme cases, also makes one to act immaturely.

How then can i learn emotional maturity?

I reckon anyone can develop emotional maturity in oneself and for the sake of relationships by keeping track of the following points:

1. Start accepting your tensions, stress, anxiety and worries. Don’t avoid it just to get momentary relief.Take the time to look at it, learn about it and work with it.

2. Start recognizing and appropriately expressing your ill feelings. It is known that people who do not express their anger are usually afraid of what will happen if they do.Instead of having suppressed feelings, vent out appropriately and then forget them.

3. Learn to bear pain and hurt because life is full of uncertainties. Pain and hurt are natural consequences of life and because of this simple fact, life involves change and loss. To never feel hurt is to be deadened. Our emotions are not fine china - overprotecting oneself leaves one vulnerable because you fail to develop strength and resiliency.
Moderate exposure to pain and loss is often what creates opportunities for developing coping skills.If you're always thinking of yourself as the victim whenever you're experiencing pain or loss..its really not helpful.

4. Understand your responsibility and learn from your mistakes. Face your guilty feelings squarely.We all make mistakes and we all behave selfishly and meanly at times.Keeping a positive approach and verbally expressing your regrets, makes it easier to make amends. We can't avoid doing wrong, because perfection does not exist in humans, so relax.

5. Put your feelings in perspective. Tolerate ambiguity, avoid words like never and always. Realize that the world is a vast place that we can never completely understand. Feelings are messy, mistakes are made,relationships are complex and life is ever changing.

There is nothing you will ever experience and no pain you will ever feel that has not been felt and survived by others.

If you doubt this, take a look around you and reach out...we are always learning...


Ultimately, man should not ask for the meaning of his life, but recognize that it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible. - "Viktor Frankl"

Roles Vs Real

Who am I?

Wherever and in whatever situation i have found myself, whether on a job or in a relationship...have i been true to myself...or have i been forced to act a part.

Has my role playing been sufficient in helping me be the best i can be. Does my being myself cause me to cringe in fear?

Who exactly am i....must i play a role to be accepted?

Browsing around, found this article, read and i am still just wondering!

 
by Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem, M.Ed.

The anxiety can hit me like a punch in the stomach. Who am I?
In this moment I feel like I am an imposter. I have all the experience and training behind me and other people trust me, yet when I look at the words written about me I wonder: "Is this really me?"

I have played a lot of roles in my life. Each seemed to have a script. Being the good daughter, sister, student, babysitter, teacher, wife, mother, therapist and more. They all had expectations put on me by others. I learned how to play the parts. I read books, took courses and listened to the expectations of the roles I played.

When I met someone who had a different set of rules for the role, I was anxious. Was I really being the "best" of whoever I was trying to be?

Lots of times I felt like I was failing. I'd become impatient or exhausted and would feel like a failure. The perfect "I" would never act like I was acting.
Awareness of the Self that I am and how this Self is different from the roles I play, can help me answer the question - who am I?

I can look at my individual potential - things with which I was born. I can ask: "What are my limits and what are my strengths?"

While some people say we are all capable of being whoever we want to be, I know that one of my fantasies, to be a helicopter pilot, is not very realistic. I perhaps could, but won't, change my sex, my height, my ethnic background and a whole lot more. I could play dumber than I am, something women are told to do to succeed, but I won't. I have been told I am too emotional. I ask: "Too emotional for whom?"

In looking at the "real" Self, I need to accept these parts of myself. I need to look at myself physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Who am I really when I am free to be Me?

Watching ourselves through what we do when we have the choice to do whatever we want, will lead us to our authentic self.

Living roles involves the expectations of others and our own expectations of ourselves. What do I expect of a good daughter of an aging parent? What makes a good wife? How does a successful business woman behave? What does she look like and what does she wear?

Role models assign us expectations. When my mother died in her 50's she left me without her role to follow. I needed to look for other examples of how to "be" a mature woman. I looked to my grandmothers and aunts. I looked to respected peers. I asked myself: "How do I want to be me?" The freedom to invent myself was overwhelming. What if I chose wrong? Couldn't someone just tell me and I could follow the script?

When I purchased a little red sporty car, I was told it was juvenile by a woman who lived her roles flawlessly. Her comments surprised me. I questioned my decision.

Crisis points demand we grow. Deciding I needed to be playful and happy was more important than living her version of the role. I must live with the consequences of my decisions and if breaking the role of a middle aged woman that others adopt had consequences, I was going to find out what they were.

I had far more comments of "cute car" than critical ones. It has been a long time and I still get a smile on my face when I climb into my latest "toy".
I do not want power over others and I do not want others to try to control me. I will not live in a role, although I find it helpful to have a whole collection of roles I can play when I want. I can shift from role to real and back again.
Understanding the difference between the roles we play and the real women we are capable of being, gives us great freedom. It gives the ability to create the lives we want.

We are also a role model for others, especially our children. In the constant demands of activities and expectations, children need to discover and hold on to, their authentic selves.

Make your life the way you'd wish your children's lives will be for them!

http://timefinders.net

DeGeneres weds De Portia

 



Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have become lawfully wedded wives.

Capitalizing on the recent switcheroo in California law, the longtime loves swapped vows Saturday in front of family and friends at their Beverly Hills estate, according to People.

A small group of less than 30 wedding guests, all dressed in summer formal attire, started arriving at Ellen's posh $29 million abode Saturday evening at around 6:30 p.m.

"It was all close friends and family," said a source, adding that no celeb guests were spotted entering all day.
Both wore Zac Posen and exchanged rings by Neil Lane. Actress de Rossi has been sporting a Neil Lane-designed, marquise-cut pink diamond ring on her wedding finger since June.

DeGeneres, 50, and de Rossi, 35, have been an item (not to mention paparazzi magnets and an adorable red-carpet couple) since December 2004. On May 15, the day after the California Supreme Court struck down a ban on gay marriage by ruling it unconstitutional, DeGeneres announced on her talk show that she and de Rossi were planning to tie the knot.
The audience, which included her smiling Australian-born partner that day, responded with a standing ovation.

"I'll tell you who the lucky guy is soon," DeGeneres added, never missing a beat.

"Planning a wedding is very stressful," DeGeneres said on the red carpet at the 2008 Daytime Emmy Awards, where she took home her fourth statue in a row for Outstanding Talk Show Host. "It is crazy. My gardener is now invited."
And on a more serious note, she added: "I can't wait to be married. I feel like it is long overdue. And I think someday people will look back on this like women not having the right to vote and segregation and anything else that seems ridiculous like we all don't have the same rights."

Not knowing that a legally smiled-upon wedding was in their future, they purchased their 8,500-square-foot Cabrillo Drive home last year. They now own three adjoining pieces of property in their canyon enclave, making for an ultra-private abode.

City planning officials have told E! News that it's possible the couple might want to completely gate off their end of the street, but a public hearing would have to be held to approve such a request.

GISTS

Selecting appropriate shoes for social outings and occasions sometimes can be really painstaking. But its worth all the time when you consider the pros and cons. Most women choose their shoes based on style and personal appearance, while others give much priority to the convenience and comfort.

High heels are shoes that a lot of women can’t refuse wearing. Especially shorter women, who often times can’t resist wearing very high heels for the extra height boost. Outing shoes should not only be in excellent condition but must be comfortable with individual’s perfect heel’s length. As shoes with scuff marks don’t speak well of personality.

Various trends and species of shoes are avaiable in retail shops especially for fashionable women. Virtually every woman desires to wear and change her shoe varieties often. Heels been the most appealing specie of shoes: many women would spare nothing to have a whole range of designers to wear to events. Only a few women prefer wearing low heel shoes, not because it is not fashionable, but many consider this footwear as out of vogue.

Shoes like other clothe accessories, come in a extensive colour variations that would flatter your outfit beyond imaginations. Shoes with ankle straps, Stilettos, Pee toes, Pumps works for best social events.

Heels don’t need to be extremely high. It is a lot more easier to stick to heels that you can walk well in. Women who wear very high heels are prone to health risk.

How comfortable are your heels?
My Naija News - Daily News and Information from Nigeria - Thursday, 14 August 2008

© My Naija News - Daily News and Information from Nigeria

Amebo Today!

Transgender Contestant to Compete on Top Model
US weekly recently reported that one of the 14 girls who will compete on the new season of America's Next Top Model which returns to The CW on September 3 is transgender. So what's the big deal?!

Isis, a 22-year-old former receptionist, will be the first transgender contestant to appear on ANTM. Is Tyra opening her mind and allowing everyone to have an equal opportunity at their dream, or is Tyra opening up her fashionable handbag for all the extra money she will receive for the increased ratings?

The question also must be asked: Will Isis have a fair chance at winning the competition? What will this do for the other women in the competition who could possibly lose to Isis?

Isn't she hot!



It only took 84 years and an African American presidential candidate for Disney to bring its first black princess to fruition with The Princess and the Frog. For the upcoming movie they’ve returned both to hand-drawn animation (CGI is awesome and all, but how about some old school 2-D love for cartoons already?) and the writer/director combo of John Musker and Ron Clemens who worked on some of the last Disney films we remember that didn’t suck, The Little Mermaid and Aladdin.

Somehow though, the task of creating a black princess has not been easy for the Disney team. In fact, they've had to go back and rework every aspect of the title character from her appearance to her name (she went from “Maddy” to a more modern “Tiana”) to her occupation (was originally dubbed a chambermaid) after concern for playing to African American stereotypes. We somehow doubt there was a woman named Tiana living in 1920s New Orleans, where the story is set, but we’ll let that slide as we have a bigger issue with the new trailer: the toothless narrating firefly. Yeah.

We’ll have to wait till Christmas 2009 for The Princess and the Frog's theatrical release, but for now check out the trailer and let us know what you think. [EW]

Finding a soul mate?

Do you believe there is a specific someone out there put on earth just for you? Rabbi Shmuley says many people don't believe in soul mates because they're afraid of such a special commitment. While soul mate love may seem overwhelming or unattainable, Rabbi Shmuley says it's something we should all strive to have. "If you believe in a soul mate, you believe in love," he says. "You believe that love is something more than accidental [or] capricious. It is something unique, special [and] miraculous."
Rabbi Shmuley says everyone looking for love should keep this in mind:
Soul mates do exist. The reason why all people don't have soul mates is because when they're looking for love, they're following a checklist of what they want in someone else, Rabbi Shmuley says. Instead, he says people should make checklists of what they themselves lack. "A soul mate is not your double—it's rather someone who fills in the blanks," he says.

A soul mate is someone with whom you never have to prove yourself. "There is an instantaneous sense of comfort—you begin to feel comfortable with all of your flaws because this person just accepts you," Rabbi Shmuley says. "They still love you for your virtue, but they accept you for your flaws as well."

A soul mate is someone with whom you can be honest. "When you are around a soul mate, you feel this instantaneous need to confess—you want to share things that are utterly personal because you're are not afraid that you are going to be thrown out as a result," he says.
When distinguishing a soul mate from someone who is merely a partner, Rabbi Shmuley says you should use this soul mate checklist:
•Do I find this person attractive, am I drawn to them?
•Is this a good person with a good heart?
•Do I respect this person?
•Does this person love children?
•Does this person have the capacity to put others before him or herself? Can he or she empathize with another person's plight?
•Is this person charitable? Not just in pocket, but in person? Do they give of themselves to others?
•Is this person nonjudgmental?
•Does this person live for something other than the material and the transitory?
•Is this person humble and not arrogant?
•When he or she hurts you, are they forthcoming with an apology?

Once you find your soul mate, Rabbi Shmuley says you'll feel whole in many ways.

"'Soul mate' simply means someone with whom you have a soulful connection," he says. "It's not purely physical, it's not even purely emotional—it's deeper than that. You just feel you are like one spirit, one soul."

"To find the perfect soul mate, focus not on what you have, but what you lack. By identifying that one big thing we are missing, we are guaranteed to find someone who makes us feel whole." – Rabbi Shmuley

What's your Skin Type/Dry or Dehydrated?

What's your skin type/Dry or Dehydrated Skin?

There's not much you can do about the skin type you're born with, but it's important to take care of it the right way. Here's how.

Article:
Rose Bruins and Anne Church from FAIRLADY



Combination/normal skin
The T-zone (the central part of the face, forehead and chin) is oilier in varying degrees, while the cheeks are drier. Ideally you would need to treat these two areas separately.

Dry skin
This type of skin can be prone to sensitivity, as dryness is perpetuated by temperature extremes, air conditioning and wind, which cause surface evaporation of moisture. It also has a low level of sebum, so is prone to flaking, tightness and chapping. Use products that are rich in moisture and cleansers that are cream- or oil-based, and avoid water-soluble products.

Oily skin
Oily skin is characterized by the overproduction of sebum, resulting in spots and blemishes. Don’t be tempted to strip the skin, as this can cause the oil glands to go into overtime. It can also leave the skin feeling taut and dehydrated, causing the epidermis to shrink and weaken, thereby restricting the oil flow and causing blockages to the pores, leading to breakouts. Use oil-based cleansing products that dissolve sebum and oil-free moisturizers to control shine.

Sensitive skin
Dry and delicate, it is particularly reactive to the environment; some detergents, cosmetics and alcohol can cause irritation that result in a red, blotchy and irritated complexion. Stick to alcohol- and fragrance-free treatments.

The bottom line - There’s not much you can do about the skin type you’re born with – but by taking care of it properly, you can control and maintain texture and radiance. And, make no mistake, the most essential skin saver is protection against excessive sun exposure and pollution – this is guaranteed to slow down the ageing process and keep your skin naturally beautiful.

Help your skin by...
Sticking to a healthy diet – beta carotene converts to vitamin A (essential in strengthening the skin tissue); vitamin C helps collagen production; vitamin E is good for conditioning; and vitamin B is good for repairing.
Supplementing your diet with evening primrose oil; it contains gamma-linolenic acid (GLA), a fatty acid that strengthens the skin cells and stimulates moisture content.
Getting enough sleep, allowing the skin to repair itself.
Exercising, this boosts blood flow.

Dry skin

Dry skin, like the parched remains of a once succulent plant, lacks sufficient nutrients to nourish and feed it. The fundamental need of a dry skin is oil. Oils are vital for the wellbeing of the skin; they keep the surface pliable and young-looking, and act as a natural coating to prevent excessive moisture loss.

When natural oils (sebum) produced by sebaceous glands in the skin are secreted onto the skin’s surface, they act as a protective barrier. Too little sebum results in dry patches, flaking and even peeling skin. Lips become parched and cracked and, as the day goes on, your skin feels drier and tighter.

Dry skin is accompanied by a dull complexion due to the dried out, compacted surface layers lacking blood supply. It tends to look prematurely aged, with the emergence of fine lines and wrinkles.

In addition to environment and climate, hormones, medication, genetics and diet may also play a role. The condition of dry skin can be aggravated by overuse of soap, detergents and toners.

How to treat it

Concentrate on boosting the skin’s levels of nourishment. Begin by treating internally with a diet rich in essential fatty acids, found in oily fish like salmon.

Use topical treatment creams continuously to keep the surface of your skin supple and nourished. Be careful not to use products that strip away your natural oils. The most important step is to nourish your skin with a rich cream that contains more oil than water; this will seal moisture into the upper layers.

Cosmetic oil is also good to use, but should be limited to night use, as it leaves a greasy residue on the surface of your skin. Using an exfoliator at least three times per week helps remove dead cells and improves penetration of nourishing treatments. For maximum moisture, treat your skin to a nourishing mask twice a week after exfoliating.

Dehydrated skin

A dehydrated skin lacks sufficient moisture (water), as opposed to oil, in the superficial layers. Eighty percent of South Africans have dehydrated skin due to our work environment (air-conditioned or heated rooms) and hot, dry climatic conditions; the use of diuretics and alcohol consumption also increases dehydration. Dehydration can affect all skin types, whether normal, oily or dry; to test for dehydration, run the side of your finger up your cheek, if you see fine horizontal lines you know you’re dehydrated. Your skin will also tend to have a dull appearance.

How to treat it

Increase your intake of water (at least 8 glasses a day); avoid further moisture loss through excessive temperatures. Top up the moisture levels in the surface layers of skin with an intensive moisture boost. Use products that contain more water than oil; the aim is to replenish and lock moisture into your skin. Applying moisturiser helps to do just that. Avoid washing your face with soap and apply creams while your skin is slightly moist.