Red Sapphire

Aarrrgggggggggggggghhhhh!

2011-02-03T20:14:00.004+01:00

As i start this text i am yet to figure out what to title it....people are just driving me crazy today.i am surrounded by selfish, self centred, idiotic people.Realized that wanting people to think, react and see the world through my eyes is nothing but a waste of time.As much as you want to remain rational and accept them for who they are, they keep on taunting and pushing..just dont understand.
Right now i feel like just moving aaaaawaayy just to get way from the craziness.

yeah i know, what a way to start off from my long sojourn but with tyme i guess we will get to understand.

i'll probably blog around to see if someone has something worth pondering over..

Truth not false!

2011-01-10T14:00:00.003+01:00

No high jump o....i am really back...i cant wait to share my gist...you all make me really happy.
I am at the office right now doing what i am still being paid for..
I am dating the most wonderful man ever...he's the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me(grin!!!)... no o not that dude i spoke about two years ago, a different one......

will give u more gist when i return...brb!!!

OMG!!!

2011-01-09T17:27:00.002+01:00

You all cant imagine how floored i am with the comments i v gotten inspite of my awol..i am grateful that there are still people like y'all out there...
i really need to step it up this year and return to what i really loved doing...believe me so many changes, stories, mistakes, revolutions, breakthroughs, tears and joys..i just pray that i dont run away again...

She's Backkkk

2010-07-01T07:51:00.002+01:00

hey peeps, i am backkkkk....been a really long tyme....

got so much to share about my long sojourn...can't wait...missed you all so much...

love...lots of it

2008-12-14T10:53:00.000+01:00

In the last couple of weeks I have been exceedingly happy and worried at the same time. Time spent away from my blog has been really and truly painful. Every single day I had thought about fulfilling obligation to my blog but I just couldn’t find the time.
This place is my refuge, my quiet and true place of solace and for a while now I have been thinking of making this post but in honesty I feared your judgments, yet I expect so much response from you all.
I would like to share a secret with you all; to some it might be a great shock to others a regular life experience, but right now I just wanted to vent.
On the 4th of November, a tall handsome man walked into my life. I didn’t think much of anything as regards the relationship, I just wanted it to take a natural course and of course it did. I have enjoyed the bliss of being in a relationship, there have been no hassles, and things have been totally wonderful. Added to the resume is the envy and constant bicker I get from colleagues as regards my catch.
We go everywhere together; spend all the available time together. He even follows me to the salon. The Toll of events got me thinking I had found my own.
Less than three weeks in the relationship he kept on insisting he wanted to meet my family. I was concerned because meeting the family meant a great deal to the relationship, to me it signified he wanted more than a casual relationship. I shoved the issue several times to be exactly sure he knew what he was up against, but he still didn’t budge. So obviously I gave in and introduced him to my family. My mother was excited, yet I was cautious seeing this was the first man I was introducing to her as the one I was dating.
He repped well and I couldn’t be happier with him.
Now this is where the worrisome part comes in!
He never lied to me about anything or let me correct myself I have never caught him in a lie. He told me he was married with three kids. In fairness to God by the time he told me, I was already caught up and totally into him.
I have tried to leave him twice and on each count he has asked me to be patient that with time he would tell me the entire truth. Deep within me I knew there was more, oh a lot more he wasn’t telling me but I wanted him to come to telling me himself without me putting pressure on him. We spend our entire weekends together and each time I keep pushing him to call home, but he just never does, he keeps giving excuses and postponing when to call. He just got a place and I literally helped him move in and settle down.
So on a certain Friday, he was travelling to Lagos, and after we were done packing he said he had something to tell me and that it was important. I froze in fear not sure what to expect but yet expecting anything could happen. He said to me and I quote that he was having problems at home. Out of fear almost immediately I stopped him from speaking and told we would talk about it once he returned.
He came back a couple of days later and we got talking. He told me he was in the middle of a divorce. He said that I should have noticed there was problem because he never spoke about her, never calls except when he wants to talk to the kids, neither has she bothered to come see him after he moved to the new place.
He also told me that to what purpose would he want to meet my family if he wasn’t taking me seriously.
Believe me all when I say I still have head squared absolutely on my shoulder. People call me pessimistic because to whatever I do I try to vary the cons more than the pros. I have carefully thought about everything and truthfully I would love to put my eggs in one basket with me.
I have written about dating a married man and I frankly feel weird being in the midst of this whole saga.
At this stage I am in I need of all the advice I can get. Have I gone far ahead of myself? Truthfully I have single men in tow but I just can’t shake off why I chose him over them all.
Asides from the fact that I have been really into work; this has been my extra curricular activities.

Have missed u all!

2008-10-22T20:59:00.003+01:00

I am so tired and in need of some good sleep,but i knew i wanted to say something on my blog before going to bed.

Its been so long.....eighteen days long....wow....na wah oh...(omo wase o rise)....yoruba slango!

No doubt i love my job, its fun and exciting.A whole world of difference from what i used to do.I resumed as soon as i got my offer letter.It was so fast i couldn't believe myself.

The first hours @ work was stressless until i met the regional manager later in the day.Directly from Lagos i was posted to the Customer Relations desk, just what wanted....who wanted to go about marketing for some obscene amount of money.Like i was saying jare,i was already doing rounds with old staff when the RM called me and said i should resume at anoda branch as a marketer....arrgghhhh was my response, shame no catch me oh!.I no fit shout as it was my first day and all and i had to leave a very good impression,plus he told me he had the final say.

So off i went to the newly assigned branch...i was pissed off but wetin i go do now.When i got there,the branch manager also told me in a very annoying manner that shouldn't even contest anything that i should just go to marketing.

There and then i gave up and left my fate in the hands of God.While they were taking me around, an angel came to my rescue. I didn't know him from adam, yet he chose to fight for me.He sorta kinda have the wims and caprices to make things happen in the bank...na so he carrry my case for head.He said i was going back to the orginally assigned branch and position.

Sha long story short, the next day i was back at the old branch, with the RM saying he only brought me back as a personal favour to my angel.That wan no concern me oh as long as i got what i desired....selfish..selfish

After that time,its been two weeks now and i have not only experienced peace but indescribable favour.I made new and exciting friends.Frankly i didn't know there was life outside my regular day to day before now.

The pay is fantastic, a huge margin from what have been earning in the last three years.

I am enjoying my job and i am really happy about it.Remember that time i almost had a panic attack cos some of my friends were employed before me into marketing,the lesson i garnered from it is that one should never compare oneself with others.U won't believe it, my friends are complaining immensely about the stress of marketing right now.I don't envy them oh!

I am so tired right now,i want to go to bed...i'll talk to you guys soonest.

Finally, I got in!

2008-10-04T14:02:00.003+01:00

I have been waiting in the last few weeks to share this with you, infact i had rehearsed what i would say and write about it.

I was called, i got in, i got the job with the bank!yipppeeee!!!

I am so excited.

It came when i wasn't expecting it, i wasn't frantic or anxious anymore and the call came. All the drama i had prepared in my head that i would do when i get the call, i don't know how i escaped without doing them.

Most importantly, i want to use this opportunity to thank everyone who shared, motivated and consoled me during that period.

Wheewww! i am so grateful another hurdle has been crossed,i have moved finally from the 5D wage to the 6figure pack, very interesting i must say, a very much needed change.

I am resuming asap, isn't that cool.

I am blogging from a cyber cafe in another town,far away from home, so forgive the length of this post, i'll do a better job next time.

But thanks to everyone, i'll do my blog rounds when i get to my beloved PC.

Question Time

2008-10-02T09:56:00.003+01:00

What are the defining characters of one is who is picky or choosy when it comes to relationships?

Is being picky and choosy in itself wrong?

My friend asked me today, if she were the one responsible for her single state?She told me her friends took her for the above mentioned when asked to weigh her out.

She has been in countless relationships, both with the married men and single men.All of which have brought nothing to show for it.

She met a single guy not too long ago, who she didn't feel any attraction towards.The guy was all over her but she didn't just like him on that romantic level.There is no guy in sight currently and she's worried, if she had made a mistake by letting him go.

She's bothered if its true what the say about her.

I have pitched in my own onions to her, i am just wondering if at this stage,people are not allowed the right to actually choose who they want and like what they choose.

Is there a problem just loving the ones we love and not feeling for the one's we don't.

ITS REVOLUTION TIME!WHO'S IN?

2008-09-29T09:55:00.004+01:00

I am doing this article for greyamethyst, i really like that chic and i can't help but hurt with her.Seriously relationships are hard, take a good look at the percentage of articles posted by a good number of bloggers and it has to do with alot of relationship hiccups.Its good for some,yet sorely bad for others.Its so painful and the question is...should relationships be this hard?

I won't lie to you,but this post had been done before,but i had to revisit it.

Understanding the purpose of a thing determines how it is going to be utilized.This is why i advocate seriously that a woman be exactly CLEAR for herself when a man isn't measuring up, and that it is NOT HER FAULT and in most cases there is little one can do about it.

The purpose of any relationship is to grow.If there is no growth, the essence of the relationship is defeated.It is simply understanding what wasn't working,and the old roles you played, which all has to die inorder for you to grow.

It is important we become very honest with ourselves and what's really going on around us.Life is too short to hang around something that isn't good for you or makes you unhappy.The truth is to avoid trading your happiness, insights, or emotional wellbeing for someone's love or approval. It is downright frustrating and more often than not a surety for failure.

You and I know those relationships where you really care about or love someone, but it isn't just working!We try by all means to make or fix things by doing nice things, showing more love and what we get in return is more withdrawal and utter neglect. We make silly excuses for what's going on with our supposed partner by obssessing about what's wrong with US instead of having the confidence to take a good look at what your mate is really doing wrong and accepting this as the reality of the situation.

We all have our differences, we are never the same..our backgrounds,views, opinions, ethics are different, man and women reason differently.Understanding and communicating this clearly without any biases determines greatly how well put together a relationship can or should be.
If we have people in our lives who just can't seem to accept us or put up with us, then fine!It's their loss not our's, trying to play the role of the convincer is just a waste of time and emotion, As Donald Trump said in the first season of the apprentice, "Taking the begging route,never makes you win"

I realized we don't have to be sorry for who we are or how we were created,we could only be sorry for the errors and accidental mistakes we make and strive to be better, but not entirely kill ourselves about them.
Those who can leave us, can do so because they can...for if they had been for us, they would not have left us at all.

Its sad and very depressing when a relationship ends,it seems like a part of us just dies,like the person takes a part of us and disappears with it.Its the severing that makes us think we can't go on,but truthfully we can and when the time passes, we look back, see that we have survived.

I have seen friends crack seriously at the end of a relationship,took the begging route and yet didn't suceed.Some can handle their feelings,yet others can't..no blame laying here....we are all wired differently.

Suffice to say, when one party quits then we should quit too..abeg this doesn't apply to marriages oh!...we sure can't beg anyone to stay.Its entirely their choice.If they let go, we should also do the same.

Ok if you think that differently,please share your views.My stand on the matter is that we can't make anyone stay with us,if they don't want to.

In the absence of not knowing!

2008-09-26T17:40:00.003+01:00

In the absence of not knowing what to write for a full four days, going in and out of emotions.I have decided to say -

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

And yes i have this great gal and her sister doing a tour around africa by road,by ferry and stuff.I think they are so cool.Naija babes oh! I wish i had them guts!

Thanks to everybody who commented on my previous post...you all rock.

ehn ehn their blog site is http://africacelebrates.blogspot.com/ , i seriously advocate that you check em out and give your support.

To everyone in Naija, wishing u all a very restful public holiday.

tooooodlllooooooo.

Dating a matured man

2008-09-22T09:52:00.002+01:00

Have you ever been in a relationship where Mr. Man became bratty, self righteous, ego centric and self centred as days went by?

I wish to be able to identify myself how to differentiate between a matured man and jerk from the moment i set my eyes on him, thats why i researched for this article.

Have you ever noticed that immature men can't just simply hold on to relationships as well as a matured man can.

P.S, All round physical attractiveness is not an identifying mark for maturity.

In my short study of the above mentioned topic, i realized the following tid bits that i would lllllooooovvvvveeee to share with you.Believe me, this is a good bet for your time and attention.

#1
A matured man can stay calm in the storm and know how to rightly deal with situations.They understand how to remain calm even when things are their most intense and uncertain.This level of groundedness is something most women and I, might i add, love and appreciate about men when things go awry.Criticize a matured man and he will take it positively.

Immature men on the other hand, can't handle a woman's real feelings.He would simply fall apart when even the slightest hint of conflict or tension comes up. He will take it as a personal attack and gripe about it for a long time.Criticize him and the whole world would crumble.

A Matured man can handle your most intense feelings and remain honest and thoughtful when you share them (although they might not always agree with you). They understand the word called "Forgiveness".

An Immature man becomes unsettled and react negatively when a woman is the least bit honest and concerned about anything.To them any need to converse is referred to as drama or unecessary worry or details.

I reckon however that the ideal way to clearly distinct a matured man from a jerk is his ability to listen and communicate in a calm and loving way when a woman is at her most intense with him.
Choosing a man who already has this quality of remaining calm in the storm can and will make everything in your relationship much easier.

ALSO.....

Being conscious about how one communicate feelings with your man, is the sign of a healthy and matured woman.

#2
What's His relationship like with others? Tell me who your friends are and i will tell you who you are...so says that adage. You want to differentiate, watch his relationships with others, who he moves around with!If he has a hard time nurturing and communicating in his relationship with his family, friends and colleagues, then check his maturity level.
If he handles conflicts and issues with patience, compassion and understanding, and a positive attitude that has the goal of a positive and loving outcome in mind, its a good bet to assume this is how he will handle things that might come up with you.

However, if he takes offence whenever anyone sees him as less than perfect...or he instantly defends himself, redirects problems...you can bet he will not handle things well with you.

A relationship to a matured man is of high importance, he takes pride in his partner..differences irrespective.Even if they have to break up, issues are resolved amicably without any rifts.
An Immature man however, blows things out of proportion, takes pleasure in being spiteful,strifeful and unforgiving.Always puts self first and thinks of what is only best for himself.

The clarity i have gotten from the following is a world changer and i must say i am pleased with myself.It has not only empowered me, but helped from stop worrying so much about what men are thinking and doing and start moving towards what is best and appropriate in finding someone who is well grounded and respectful.
I realized you could actually tell alot about a person's maturity level from the very moment you meet them.That is why it is advised strongly that a woman shouldn't jump into bed with a man you don't know, i mean strongly advised....time spent getting to know yourself outside sexual intimacy shows for real, the true character of a person...remember familiarity breeds contempt. The hurt and betrayal that comes from partners involved in sex (especially for the woman)is far greater than when you have avoided sexual intimacy early on in a relationship....there's a level of respect you have for yourself within yourself...(u alone can testify to that) seeing how the person turns out to be at the end of the day.

P.S, Somethings in life are never to be regretted, cos in actual fact, that were eye openers and life changers.E.g. Think about the man you had secretly had a crush on and fantasized about for years.You finally came together and suddenly you realized that they were not much of it after all...Just a waste of emotions and time, selfish, annoying and utterly disrespectful...that's to mention a few....and you say to yourself... what a shame!...was it worth it afterall...

Please for the love of God, put aside your waning feelings for a sec and open your friggin eyes..there are jerks out there claiming to be men...beware!

Now that I know what they act and behave like,then i know He can't love me and be selfish at the same time....

"I don talk my own, i dey wait for your own!"

Thankful

2008-09-22T09:33:00.003+01:00

I stand today simply in awe of God's Faithfulness and i say "Bianule"...come and see what the good Lord has done.

Having done all i possibly know, in every human facet...i surrender and give it all to the Almighty God, my Father, The All Sufficient, The All knowing and all wise God.

O the depths of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are His Judgements, and His ways past finding out!
For who has known the mind of the Lord? or who has been His counsellor
or who has first given to Him and it shall be recompensed unto Him again.
For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things:
to Him be all glory for ever, Amen......Romans 11: 33 - 36

Today, I thank the Lord for Life.
I am grateful because i can arise from my bed after a sleep that could have crossed me over to eternity and this could have only been possible because He himself chose to sustain me.

I thank Him for my family and friends, who have stuck with me through thick and thin. Loving me, caring for me and supporting me.

I thank Him for the opportunities and benefits he daily loads me with. The chance to grow, live and learn, to forgive, forget and love inspite of it all.

I thank Him for the enemies that rose up against me with great trials, temptations and persecutions. Had they not risen, i would never have known the victory He given me.

I thank Him for wisdom in deciphering opportunities. Knowing the ones i should hold onto and the ones i should let go.

I thank Him for the relationships that have worked and those that never materialized. I thank Him for the people that have stayed with me inspite of my flaws and i thank Him for the ones that have walked, it was simply because they could walk away, for had they stayed i would never have met the right ones.

I thank Him for the delays. They have taught me what it meant to wait and be patient. Given me the strength to know there are times and there are definately seasons and that no matter how long, my store house will without a doubt be filled.

I thank Him because of the Inheritance i possess in Him. I thank Him for the Garment of salvation He clothe me with, the Robe of Righteousness he endowed me, the cloak of praise He showered me with inspite of the madness around me.

I thank Him for preservation from Death,witholding my frail body from sickness, diseases and infirmity. Preserving me, friends and family from the dominating influence of disaster, ignominy, shame and reproach the world brings. Shielding me from all these by His word...Psalm 91....Guarding me consistently from harmsway, giving His Angels absolute charge over me.

I thank Him for His unending grace and mercy. Never failing, never ending. Consistently standing as a reminder for me inspite of my flaws and failings.

There are so many things I thank you for, things seen and those unseen. But most importantly, I thank you because you're not only My God and Father,You are my Friend, Lover, Savior,Protector, My Glory and Shield.
All of this are insufficient to describe your faithfulness or who you are in its entirety.

I therefore come to this conclusion as my Fathers in Faith would and have and i proudly and unashamedly say, looking beyond myself or what i might be faced with right now to say that even if you refuse to remain God, You will forever be mine.

P.S...I got a call from another bank for a chat..and guess what the funny thing is..i dont know anybody there, i have never written any aptitude test, yet they have called me like three times between last week and now.

God is Simply Good.

Tension!..Just for the sake of giving it a title

2008-09-17T14:51:00.003+01:00

P.S* Peeps.This is not a post in any way.I am just looking for a way to relieve myself of tension.

Please do not mind me!

In the last one year now i have been doing an entrance level interview with the Equitorial Trust Bank(ETB). The time difference between each interview is usually very long and depressing.On several ocassions, i have given up on the search for that particular job offer.

Again after about 7 months, i was called for the final stage interview.I have been waiting again for the last two weeks to be called. Only for me to receive a call from one d peeps i did the interview with that she had just gotten her offer letter. I was happy for her yet distraught at the same time,y..because i have not received any such call.

I have been calling quite a number of people who did the interview with me and the response i get is in the affirmative. Oh dear!..i want this job so badly.I am almost at the point of a panic attack.

I am freaking out, my palms are sweaty, i am so anxious.My spirit keeps telling me to relax but i can't just seem to put myself up to it.I don't want this opportunity to pass me by, i so need this change.

Oh God! Please help me.

P.S* I warned you oh..this is not a post oh...i can't even concentrate on doing blog rounds.

HOME IS RIGHT HERE!

2008-09-16T13:25:00.003+01:00

Today i am so emotional,but in a very good way.Why because in a short amount of time,not only has my life changed, my entire thought process has been rekindled and has received the capacity to be renewed on a continous basis.

Everyone needs companionship, nobody and i repeat,nobody is supposed to be ever alone. We don't have to go thru the ups and downs of life alone. We were created for companionship, no one is born an island. You were made for me and i for you. The purpose of our meeting is such that i might be better than how you found me.

With you i have learnt to develop a good attitude inspite of what i face.To keep my focus in the right place and not on my problems.Understanding the need to have a sense of humor and not be uptight and shrewd.

With you i have learnt that happiness increases my chances of attracting my much desired need unlike sadness, that tends to sap away my almost already diminished strength.

With you i have learnt to be open minded, transparent and honest, for who knows through my giving, someone else might receive life for today. Never to take anyone for granted,but hold every person in high esteem.No harm in being kind.

With you i have learnt to share and not hoard, for to what purpose is it if a man gains the whole world yet loose his soul.Learnt enthusiasm, open mindedness and empathy.

With you i have learnt courage, to do the much dreaded inspite of my fears...knowing that an airplane doesn't go along with the wind but against the wind.With this i have learnt no to cower in fear but be courageous and strong.

With you i have learnt motivation.Learnt how to have fun,yet acquiring knowledge at the same time.Here i have come to understand the true meaning of venting knowing that i have peeps like you watching my back.Her i am safe,free and unafraid to be myself in my quest of being successful. Here my secrets are safe.

With you i have learnt that everybody goes through the same stuff i do in varying proportions and everyone that i know from here has lived through them in one way or the other. I have learnt that mess ups are real and common,yet never forgetting the fact that we are simply human.I have learnt the need for forgiveness and the need to repent when wrong.

With you i have come to understand the true depth of love that cuts across sharing,caring,understanding,forgiving and not being judgemental. Understanding that people do respond to openness, sincerity and genuiness and that the strength of one's character is duly displayed in adversity.

With you my self esteem that has been ripped to shreds has been boosted, i have earned a sense of belonging in your presence.I have come to understand through you that true joy and fulfillment can only be found being in the centre of God's divine purposes.Landing right smack dab in the middle of his will.

With you i have learnt the true meaning of being a whole, strong and settled woman.Who doesn't have to wait around for prince charming to make life happen for her.I have come to understand what it means to be quite a catch.

I could go on forever stating the things i have learnt knowing you, but i am leaving the rest for you to decide for yourselves....which is to say..what have u learnt from blogsville?

Its been a short journey, but it has been tremendously blissful,fulfilling and satisfying in all ramifications and i have enjoyed everybit of it. Here i am living on a new level..no more mediocrity. I am useful here..my skills are being to put to the test here...the sweet refiners fire.

The "you" that i refer to are the consistent,ardent,ever faithful bloggers on blogsville. I dedicate this post to you all for your drive and zeal to being yourselves and giving room for others to grow and learn through you ever flowing words of encouragement.

We might be from different families,ethnic groups,backgrounds,living in different continents of the world,but ...we are all the same...one family, one blogsville blood flows through us all. We have been made for ourselves. You for me and I for you.

With all my love to the Blogsville Family(not community).

I dedicate this song to you all

Right Here Video

Interesting..I mean very Interesting

2008-09-16T10:01:00.006+01:00

In the last four days i have been wondering what my next post will be.I guess now i know where to start from.

Today, I got an award from EROLyrics. Isn't she just sweet.I am honored,flattered and ecstatic. I didn't know that being myself could earn me this. You made my day very special and i am very thankful.

To EROLyrics..u are a source of inspiration. I wake up each day looking forward to hearing from you, waiting earnestly to know wasap next.You have honored me today.God in HIS infinite mercies will continue to honor you too. I will never forget you.Its been a short while for me here on blogsville,yet knowing you has made me better than i used to be.

And to everyone who has visited,commented,yabbed and sent sweet things to me..God bless ya'll.

I however dedicate and pass on this same award that has been aloted to me to:

Tadddaaaa!!!..."Certified Honest Blogger"

Drum roll please....

Free Flowing Florida .... my one and only.

miss definitely maybe ....ever interesting and inspiring

tigeress .... that's mi girl

parakeet ... i am speechless. u rock!

emilia ..u're a true diva

Funms .... very cool babe

Afrobabe ... ehn gba!

ibiluv .. honesty in person...u so deserve the award

enigma ..man u too much

ladyguide .... he caressed me

Shubby doo .... loving ur blog

greyamethyst ....love ur openness

baroque .... truly unorthodox decorum

jarrai ... sweet bella

originalmgbeke .... 3 exes and a wedding..thats something.

There are a whole list of blogs that deserve this award and i could go on and on.I am loving this peeps...they make blogsville a wonderful place to be at.

P.S*

The Rules:
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back.
2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing that they have received an award
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).
5. And then pass it on!

Please Help!

2008-09-12T18:09:00.006+01:00

Some things, yes are so tinzy winzy that you'd expect that one should know by now...but sometimes you just need to hear other people's take, say or words on the matter, for clarity sake and just to know.

I said sometime a while ago that i met someone,....we hit it off almost immediately.Considering my stuck up self, i was amazed at the way things went.Passions and emotions were flying around so quickly...so much so that after a week of our meeting...(shamefully speaking) we had sex. It was wonderful..i couldnt believe myself letting go like that but the whole experience for me was interesting.

Its been a month since the encounter of sheet rumbling...we've been talking but no show....by me that feels good,there's no pressure and it gives me a certain assurance that it wasn't all about sex.

Well right now, i am beginning to have doubts....y!....he sent me a message less than an hour ago asking if i was up for "HARD SEX" this weekend....i went blank for a few minutes...infact i didn't feel like replying...i kinda felt upset...he replied again and asked for my response..i still didnt let up..then he said bye..with an emoticon sticking out its tongue....

The first thoughts that swept thru me...was that he was the same as every other man i had met.

I really like this guy...infact he makes me feel like some men are different..but this just blew me...

Am i overreacting?....pls tell me..or is he just beginning to show his traits......Yikks!!!...I am in the running mood right about now....

Kai but i like him oh!!!!...P.S* I hope my family doesn't see this post...they will know i v been cutting corners....

The Cons of SOS'

2008-09-10T12:07:00.005+01:00

I really thot deeply about this post, thot it would be helpful to share.....

Asking for help is psychologically risky because it triggers a mechanism in the human psyche called the norm of reciprocity. If you give me something—money, advice, time—I must give something to you that we tacitly agree is of roughly equal value. Otherwise we won't sustain an amicable bond for long. Only the churlish keep score overtly, of course, but even generous people get uneasy when one party in a relationship takes and takes and takes without giving anything in return.

1. Frame all your problems as how-to questions
Simply begging for aid when you feel overwhelmed is likely to make honest folks back away, while exploiters smell blood in the water. Instead, you might do better to phrase all your problems as "how" questions: "How do I break through the glass ceiling in this company?" "How should I go about changing this flat tire?" "How can I help cure AIDS?" Whether your problem is tiny or monumental, asking "How…?" means you're a capable person in the process of becoming even more capable—not a charity case or a manipulator's mark.
The more actively you pursue the knowledge and skills to extricate yourself from a mess, the more new sources you'll locate.

2. Locate sources of information and insight
The more specific your how-to questions, the more quickly they'll lead to useful strategies or solutions from individuals, books, TV shows, Web sites and a thousand sources you won't even notice until your attention is primed. As New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman (among others) has pointed out, the accessibility of information has exploded so dramatically over the past few decades that humble individuals can now solve problems and perform feats once reserved for a few elite experts.

"To paraphrase the adage: If you wheedle a fish from someone, you'll eat for a day; if you wheedle advice from a great fisherman, you'll eat for a lifetime."

3. Take fishing lessons
The key here is that you're soliciting help that won't diminish the resources of the other person. Each person's supply of "fish" (funding, energy, time) is limited, but fishing know-how can be replicated infinitely, at negligible cost. Even if you're going with a money problem to your filthy rich uncle, ask for education, not a handout. "Please give me money" is a self-disempowering request. "Please show me how to resolve this financial muddle" is a self-empowering one, even if Uncle Buckmeister also pitches in with a cash donation (which he's much more likely to do for a determined problem-solver than a simple beggar).
If you honestly set out to learn how to untangle your own snafus, you'll find that even people who shy away from raw neediness start offering advice.

4. Receive with gratitude, not grasping
Whether you've asked for it or not, help that's given freely is part of grace, meaning that the only response necessary to satisfy the norm of reciprocity is gratitude. And what I mean by gratitude is not "Thanks…and what else can you do for me?" Grasping at help like a drowning swimmer tends to scare away the resources you've already got, as well as potential assistance.

!!!...Notes

2008-09-09T13:49:00.006+01:00

According to a new blog site i found today...www.theparakeet.blogspot.com which states "EVERYTHING COMES INTO THEIR OWN IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME". I have not only resolved to wait patiently, hold steadfastly,believe endlessly, but also to place this is as a reminder, such that when the fullness of my time appears i would know how to rejoice, and place a hold on where i had been.

In the fullness of time, i am too sure i will meet the man for me..who will not only love me for what i look like, but accept my flaws,live with them and not be stirred by my imperfections.

In the fullness of time, i will also rejoice over that desired job and accordingly give thanks to the Almighty for helping me learn the true meaning of waiting on Him.

Everything i have xperienced till now has been shadows...the best i must say is yet to come.Everyone has their time...i wait resolutely, thankfully, acquiring all that needs acquiring while i wait, fighting the need to give up, yet waiting.

Turn by turn.....i am moving forward.....

When a man loves a woman

2008-09-09T10:42:00.003+01:00

Correct me if i am wrong, but when a man loves a woman i think this is what he'll do for her.

His mind is on her. He is consumed with thoughts of protection and provision. He pays close attention to her every word, her wants and desires. He looks for ways to please her, to lavish gifts upon her. If he truly cares about her, he won’t hold back materially…he’ll create little ways, find avenues to meet her needs.

When a man loves a woman he longs to be near her. Nothing else in his day to day life can come close to matching the memory of his time spent with her. He loves the sound of her laughter, the beauty of her smile. He is fascinated with her fluidity and entire personality.

Try to stand in the path of a man who truly loves his woman. Try to separate him from her. Try to keep them apart and you will experience the dedication, the drive, the sheer unrelenting force of his will power. He will move a city to get to her. He will leave everything behind and pursue her with a passion that has little or no regard for others. If you stand in his way he will punish you. You will quickly come to understand the consequences of blocking the path of a man who loves a woman.

When a man loves a woman his heart beats faster when he is with her. Emotions surface that he has no words for. At the mere sound of her voice, butterflies flutter in his chest and belly.

When a man truly loves a woman, she knows she has been loved. Her body reacts to his slightest touch. Her ears can locate the sound of his whisper in a crowded room. She feels safe in his arms, secure in his presence. She has a peace in her mind when chaos surrounds her. She is confident that the determination and strength of Hercules is at her side.

When a man loves a woman, she is rest assured that he is a fortress for their home.
Sometimes a woman has a tainted past. Do you think he is concerned about the past? He is in love with her. His love for her covers her imperfections. He hopes the very best for her. He can leave her a gift on her pillow for no apparent reason other than to make her smile. He sees the good qualities in her and is blind to anything else.

When a man loves a woman he calls her on the phone in the middle of the day, just to hear her voice. He stops at the store and searches out the things she enjoys. He may not understand why she likes sweets and flowers and silk and delicate things. He may not understand how she finds beauty in jewelry and diamonds. It doesn't matter. He is on a mission. He brings these things to her because he loves her.
Do you know how far a man will travel who loves a woman? Are you aware of the pain he will endure to reach her? Here is your answer. When a man loves a woman there is no limit to the distance he will go. There is no end to the struggle he will overcome to get to her. A man who loves a woman knows no pain too great. He will shed his blood for her; an adversary or his own, it is of no consequence.

When a woman has been loved by a man, she will know it. There is no mistaking this power with lust or ambition. She will know it and the world around her will know it. Look into her eyes, the evidence is there. You can see it in the way she longs for his touch and no other. If you are in doubt she will tell you quickly, "This is my man, my Prince, my Knight!"

This should help you know, whether he’s stringing you along or deeply committed to you. Any relationship in my opinion that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for, is too expensive.

Question?

Having spent 26+ years without a stable boyfriend...would it be advisable to jump ship and date anyone, just to avoid the alone times????

Deep Feelings

2008-09-08T16:46:00.006+01:00

I knew i had to endure, i knew i had to exercise my ability to bear prolonged exertion, pain and hardship despite the present looming circumstance around me to get ahead. For a full week i couldn't do what i had come to love...blogging because i was weighed down immensely.

In my consistent attempt to be the best i can be, be fulfilled and be deeply rooted and satisfied in my niche, the road has been tumultous, frustrating and depressing.Searching intently for my place, where i wouldn't just be one, a regular in the crowd. Deep within my heart, there's an assurance it would be okay, but the ever nagging and present reality sends bolts that are sufficient to wobble the knees.

I need to stay motivated, be confident and reassured resolutely that everything would be alrite.Waiting as it is known is usually worthwhile in the end, but the distance between the beginning and the end is never easy, whether one is waiting for a job, a result, or a phone call.

In the midst of my wait, as the storms begin to rage, my desire to remain grateful begins to wane.My heart wants to remain thankful but my flesh questions the need to be, seeing that things aren't going very well. While i dilly dallied between my decision on gratitude, i stumbled upon what helped....

In everything give thanks..."before now i had wondered how one could give thanks when everything looked bleak with no hope in sight.But then realised the scripture did not say, for everything but in everything.And why? ...To keep me motivated, inspite of setbacks. Now my gratitude not only keeps me alive but makes me wiser, helping me see beyond where i am. Gratitude according to Melanie Beattie unlocks the fullness of life, turns what we have to enough, and more, turns chaos into order, confusion to clarity, the unexpected to perfect timing and mistakes into important events.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates vision for tomorrow.

Stand Up concert +VMA Highlights

2008-09-08T11:02:00.013+01:00

Singers Pose withL.A Reid and Kenny "Babyface" Edmond.

Hollywood on Friday the 5th of September,2008 stood up against cancer in the much awaited Stand Up to cancer concert. The event attracted various celebs from christina applegate, christina ricci, sheryl crom,david cook,keanu reaves and many more....

The picture below features the top female singers that sang the su2c anthem...just stand up.From L-R, Keiysha cole, Leona Lewis, Fergie,Ciara,Mariah Carey, Beyonce,Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Carrie Underwood,Miley Cyrus,Ashanti, Natasha Bedingfield and Nicole Scherzinger(who by the way is an addition, cos am not sure she sang with them)...

Missing in the list is Sheryl crow...i guess she was busy on the red carpet..., Leann Rimes and Melissa Etheridge...dunno where those ones disappeared to..

MTV 2008 VMA HIGHLIGHTS

BEST FEMALE VIDEO
Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
BEST MALE VIDEO
Chris Brown, "With You"
BEST DANCING IN A VIDEO
Pussycat Dolls, "When I Grow Up"
BEST ROCK VIDEO
Linkin Park, "Shadow of the Day"
BEST HIP HOP VIDEO
Lil Wayne, "Lollipop"
BEST NEW ARTIST
Tokio Hotel, "Ready, Set, Go!"
BEST POP VIDEO
Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
BEST ART DIRECTION
Gnarls Barkley "Run"
BEST CHOREOGRAPHY
Gnarls Barkley "Run"
BEST DIRECTION
Erykah Badu "Honey"
BEST EDITING
Death Cab For Cutie "I Will Possess Your Heart"
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
White Stripes "Conquest"
BEST SPECIAL FX
Kanye West and T-Pain "Good Life."

Rihanna going goth with disturbia, Solange Knowles looking chic, Britney spears esctatic, ciara uhmmming.

Paris Hilton &Benji..can she miss it!Naaah, Keri Hilson, Kanye West

Mel B, Jordin Sparks, Nicole Scherzinger

Rihanna and Chris Brown ....Lovers in tow(Don't they just look cute together.

Unmistakable T-pain, Cute & Rugged Bleu Corbin, Miley Cyrus, Michael Phelps

Pink strutting her white hair, christina looking really boobyyyy

Why do we cheat?

2008-09-08T08:39:00.003+01:00

I spent the better part of last week wondering why we do the above....the question that made me ponder the most was what cheating in itself constituted...would it be being physically intimate alone with another person's partner, having inordinate emotional feelings that constitutes cheating or are there other acts that makes one a cheater.

Uhmmm.....i am just wondering....I asked a couple of people what it meant to cheat...got some answers...still wasn't sufficient to numb my curiosity, so i went in search again...Was my curiosity satisfied....i'll be waiting on your response to decipher that.

Different people have different views as to what constitutes ‘cheating’. For some(gender irrespective) , for the partner simply to look at another may be regarded as cheating, for others it is being intimate with another person that constitutes ‘cheating, and there are some who appear able to accept flirting and even intimacy with another person but it is an emotional involvement that constitutes ‘cheating’.
So let us try first to establish what is ‘cheating’ and what might be considered ‘normal’ behaviour. First of all, there needs to be some degree of commitment and exclusivity between the two partners, furthermore, this commitment needs to be understood and agreed by both people. Without this there can be little question of ‘cheating’ on behalf of either party.
Obviously, marriage, engagement, living together would constitute a degree of commitment. Regularly dating for a period, may also be seen as constituting a commitment. It is here that the confusion starts to arise for a man may not feel he is committed to another person until he has said so to her, for the woman the simple fact that he dates her regularly may be seen as a sign of commitment.

Having gotten that out of the way, the usual glib answer gotten for cheating is because "they can"...but is this answer justifiable or satisfactory.....i guess not!Men and women have various reasons why they cheat and yes of course, we women sabi cheat well well!!...(that is if i am following the above definition).

To some men, having many partners is seen as a symbol of their status,a need to boost their ego or esteem.The motivation is usually sex - new sex, more sex,different sex-(newness and variety).Studies show most men who cheat want to experiment sexually and experience the rush associated with "new sex". It is said that it is their way of prolonging indefinitely the early and intoxicating phase of infatuation in a relationship. Others believe men have affairs to avoid intimacy, recover their lost youth, or escape an unhappy marriage.

Men who fear intimacy will have affairs to maintain power in their relationships. If a man doesn't commit to his lover, he controls his level of vulnerability. Some men cheat in fact to avoid any real intimacy. Intimacy scares them, so they distance themselves from their partners by cheating on them and they don’t get emotionally involved with their lovers. This way they never have to trust their partners or rely on them. This kind of man may also fear conflict.
Then there are men who will strike up an affair when they start to feel the fear and loss that comes with aging. They realize they are no longer young and invulnerable, so they have an affair to deny that they are getting old. Finding someone who is “young and new,” makes them feel more youthful and in the game.(Whatever that is!).

Women on the other are not at all left out.As supposed to men, women are motivated to cheat by more emotional factors than men. Women are really looking for communication and emotional intimacy in the new bond.They want to talk to someone who makes them feel important, cared for, secure and understood.The search for feeling sexy, playful and less sexually inhibited may also be a start of an affair for a woman.While sex does happen, sharing confidences ranks high in importance.

I am too sure a lot of us will say that none of these reasons are justifiable.Whether it is boredom, search for self-esteem,pain that relationships bring,newness and variety, whatever....so has this article answered the thorny question of why we cheat?Probably not!.This question in itself is a very complex one and the reasons or causes will vary from instance to instance.

Share your views and experiences, if you're a cheater or you've been cheated on....i really would like to hear from you.

Swazi King's Quest for the 14th bride---some serious stuff!

2008-09-05T09:22:00.005+01:00

Swaziland's King Mswati III on Thursday sent more than 50 000 virgin girls into the fields to cut reed for an annual ritual next week at which he may choose his 14th bride.
The ceremony on Monday comes ahead of controversial double celebrations to mark the impoverished kingdom's 40 years of independence from Britain and Mswati's 40th birthday on 6 September.
"Since you know that the country is faced with these major activities, I urge you to behave yourselves and make sure that you display respect so that tourists would return to the country," the Queen mother, Ntombi Twala, told the girls.
The girls were sent to two locations to cut reeds to be used in the annual Reed Dance ceremony at Ludzidzini royal palace near the capital Mbabane.
The age-old reed dance is aimed at encouraging young women to preserve their purity and abstain from sexual activity before marriage.
But the ceremony has seemingly failed to make an impression on the scourge of HIV/Aids in a country where close to 40 percent of the adult population of one million are infected with the virus, according to a UN report.
The dance spectacle is characterized by bare-breasted maidens, clad in colourful short skirts or sarongs. The king, who has 13 wives, may choose a new bride among the young girls.
The king and eight of his wives returned last week from a controversial Middle East shopping trip in preparation for the so called 40-40 celebrations.
The trip attracted unprecedented condemnation from women’s' groups, political parties and civil society groups.

Bare breasted Virgins compete for Swazi king
LUDZIDZINI ROYAL VILLAGE, Swaziland experienced how Tens of thousands of bare-breasted virgins competed for King Mswati III's eye in a traditional Reed Dance.
Walking through the dense crowds in a leopard skin loin cloth, Sub-Saharan Africa's last absolute monarch was expected to choose his 14th wife.
Critics say Mswati, who has courted controversy for his lavish lifestyle while two thirds of his subjects live in poverty, sets a bad example by encouraging polygamy and teenage sex in a country where about 40 percent of adults live with HIV.
Some of the women did not seem to mind, hoping to escape from the southern African nation's hardships for the easy life.
"I came here to dance. I wish the king would have chosen me because it's nice at the king's place. The wives live a nice life," said Tenene Dlamini, 16, in a traditional brown skirt.
"Everything is done for them. They don't work. They earn."
The Reed Dance has been a big date on the Swaziland cultural calendar since Mswati began the ceremony in 1999.
But he may not be as relaxed this year among the throngs of young half-naked women.
Political groups seeking democratic reforms have become more active in a country where the opposition has been effectively banned since 1973 by royal decree.
They are critical of plans to hold next weekend's celebrations of the king's 40th birthday in conjunction with the 40th anniversary of Swaziland's independence from Britain.
Still, some of Swaziland's women came to the Ludzidzini Royal Village to show their admiration for the monarch.
"I respect the king and I respect my culture," said Nontobeko Sdidlamini, 16, carrying a shield made of animal skin and wearing an orange bracelet which read "Sex Can Wait".
Some said they would not want to be part of a polygamous arrangement with the king and were taking part in the ceremony to prove their virginity. Others fear they lost out.
"My sister is the king's tenth wife. I don't think he can choose me because he has already chosen my sister," said Zandisile Ntentesa, a 21-year-old prison employee.
The king, flanked by bodyguards with pistols and sticks, may face pressure from emboldened critics. But he can take comfort from the wealth which wins him tributes and songs at the reed ceremony.

Last month, Forbes magazine listed him as the 15th-richest monarch in the world. He was the only African on the list.
During the reed festivities, one of the king's wives drove up in a fancy BMW. Policemen told people to look the other way.

In Pursuit of Happiness

2008-08-27T09:21:00.005+01:00

With all due respect to brownsistas.com, i knew I had to do this article. Two days ago on my facebook account I said I was in pursuit of happiness. The motivation behind the statement was the fact that I needed to find the ultimate goal of being happy. I asked myself if getting married, getting a new six figure income job, travelling the world or dating the most eligibly rich dude in town would culminate in truly being happy. I realized my fears resurfaced every time I thought about maybe after a while after getting all of these supposed happiness triggers, I would still be unsatisfied.

“One of my greatest fears is not being able to be all I am made to be.”

Where I am today is a function of the decision I made yesterday. My financial, emotional, career state right now is simply because of the path I chose yesterday. The thought of this sent shivers down my spine. The fear derived from this knowledge energized me and caused me to think.

Have I made mistakes?, Yes!..Are my mistakes responsible for where I am today? Most certainly!...Can I get out of this rot? Most definitely..If I want to!...Isn’t it too late? Absolutely not!...How can I get out of this?...the last question here leads me back to the article I read on brownsistas.com on Rinse and Repeat….check excerpts of it below.

The Wet Mop Syndrome: A condition of mind rot where some people believe that person’s outside of themselves are responsible for their unhappiness. Usually the wet mopper converses with other wet moppers or other sounding boards to get their endless points across. Synonyms for wet moppers are: blame shifters, consistent complainers, gripers, and unfounded scathing criticism.

Making reference to the ones that are most important to me, I chose the following questions in finding answers to getting out of the mistakes I had made.

- How many opportunities have I blown simply because I was not prepared for them?
- How many years am I willing to wait before I take action?
- Will blaming others get me what I want? Or will it keep me right where I’m at?

Brown Sista Lifestyle Writer GT tells me that I could have all the reasons in the world why i can’t have, do or be what I want. But when the smoke clears, and life progresses on, I will be the one who feels the rub of my own inactions.

From the above, I learnt I had to change my thoughts to change my life. It’s never too late to begin. Opportunities are abounding every day, it is the ability to choose correctly the risks I take that would make a world of difference in me. I don’t have to wait till tomorrow to make a difference when I have today…I guess that means I need to start from exactly where I am and most importantly, be absolutely responsible for myself..no one is going to do for me what i need and must do for myself.

Brownsista says, when in need…Rinse and Repeat those questions as often as necessary.

Which of the questions rings for you?

Where's Brandy? + Mallinda Williams gets married

2008-08-26T10:35:00.006+01:00

It’s been nearly four years since Brandy last released a video but that is all about to change as the singer/actress was spotted out on the streets of Los Angeles earlier this week taping the new video for her single, Right Here (Departed). Brandy says her CD is an unadulterated look into her heart and her most personal album to date. “I have grown so much since my last album. Being able to express myself and my journey through my music is a feeling I can’t describe. With this new chapter of my life it feels good to have Rodney (Darkchild), a familiar face, by my side again. He brings out emotions in me like nobody else.” The new album, recently renamed “Human”, will be released November 11th via Epic Records and the Right Here video is scheduled to debut early September via Yahoo Music.

On Saturday, August 23, actress Malinda Williams and former rapper and present celebrity deejay Derrick “D-Nice” Jones, wed in a quaint ceremony at The Mezzanine in Newark, New Jersey.

All credits to http://brownsistas.com

Just Stand up

2008-08-26T08:18:00.002+01:00

Heard this song on the radio while prepping for work today...wasn't in a fantastic mood...rather in a throdding one.The song sunk real deep...so the first thing i did as i got to work was to find it on the internet, which of course i did.

It involves some of America's music’s biggest female singers coming together to record a song in support of cancer research. “Just Stand Up”, features vocals from singers Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Beyonce, Keyshia Cole, and many others. The single should officially hit radio and be available for download on iTunes September 2nd, however, obviously there's already a leak on the single.

All the ladies who participated in the making of this single will also come together September 5th to perform the song live during the “Stand Up To Cancer”.

The Lyrics:

Beyonce: The heart is stronger than you think
It’s like it can go through anything
And even when you think it can’t it finds a way to still push on, though

Carrie underwood: Sometimes you want to run away
Ain’t got the patience for the pain
And if you don’t believe it look into
your heart the beat goes on

Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that
Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall, dust it off, don’t let up

Sheryl crow: Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle

Beyonce: You need to know

CHORUS

Sheryl crow: If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don’t give up

Sheryl/Beyonce: Who are we to be
questioning, wondering what is what
Don’t give up
THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Fergie: It’s like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face

Leona Lewis: Just because you go through it

Fergie: Don’t mean it got to take control, no

Leona lewis: You ain’t gotta find no hiding place

Keyshia cole: Because the heart can beat the hate

Leona lewis: Don’t wanna let your mind keep playin’ you

Keyshia cole: And sayin’ you can’t go on

Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that

Miley cyrus: Things get better
Through whatever

Rihanna: If you fall

Miley cyrus: Dust if off, don’t let up

LeAnn Rimes: Don’t you know you

Natasha Bedingfield: Can go

LeAnn Rimes: Be your own

Natasha Bedingfield: Miracle

Carrie Underwood: You need to know

Ensemble: CHORUS

Mary J.Blige: You don’t gotta be a prisoner in your mind

Ciara: If you fall, dust it off

Mary J. Blige: You can live your life

Rihanna/Carrie Underwood: Yeah

Mary J. Blige: Let your heart be your guide

Rihanna/Carrie Underwood: Yeah yeah yeah

Mariah Carey: And you will know that you’re good if you trust in the good

Ashanti: Everything will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart

Mary J.Blige: And it will get better

Mariah Carey: Through whatever

CHORUS

Fergie: You got it in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
Find it within you, find it within

Everyone: THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

How Soon is too soon? - S.E.X

2008-08-21T13:05:00.005+01:00

I spoke with a friend recently who happened to have met someone she kinda liked,feeling was mutual,the chemistry was intense, passion was unmistakable and guess what they had sex after one week. She has since been freakin out, not sure if he'd see her the way he saw her before.Phone calls have been exchanged afterwards but she still feels its not sufficient.

Her question?...Have i shot myself in the leg?...Have i destroyed the chances of having a meaningful relationship with this person?...Will he ever respect me as i would love to be respected?....Plenty..plenty questions...

As usual, went hunting...found Venus and Mars opinions on the matter, thot to share. If the subject topic matters to you, you are very free to share your onions too!

How do you think men feel about women who sleep with them on the first or second date? Does it affect whether they see you as a potential long-term girlfriend?

Rachel: It doesn’t matter if you sleep with a man on the first date or the 20th—if he really likes you, it won’t make a difference. But if you’re not sure and want to test how he feels about you, hold off. If he’s willing to stick around for a few dates and not pressure you, fine
If you don’t sleep with him either and don’t hear back from him, then you know exactly where his intentions were.

Cate: If you sleep with a guy too soon, you completely remove the mystique. I’m not advocating game-playing, but even the nicest guy will lose interest if you sleep with him quickly. If you give him access to everything right off the bat, there is nothing to work toward or look forward to. You’ve gotta strike a balance and give him a reason to call you!

Lisa: In my experience, you pretty much blow your chances of a relationship if you sleep with him too early because you’re fast-tracking dating to an awkward stage. It’s kinda serious because you’ve seen each other naked, but how serious can it really be if you barely know each other? It’s better to spend lots of time together before taking it to that level. What’s the rush?

Do you make a point of holding off on sleeping with a guy too early? How do men react to your decision?

Rachel: The last guy I really liked wanted me to go home with him after our first meeting. I said, “Not tonight,” and never heard from him again. Clearly he was just interested in sex, and I’m glad I found that out before things went further.

Cate: I always wait until we’ve spent a substantial amount of time together to gauge what the guy is like and how we mesh. It’s better to hold off a bit so you don’t discover something horrible about him after you’ve already had sex. But if you wait too long, you get into this weird friend territory. The guys I’ve dated have been cool with waiting. In fact, it’s even more fun for them because they can pursue you.

Lisa: I don’t want to sleep with anyone until we’ve established mutual trust, and that feeling takes time to develop. Most guys are OK with waiting until we get to know each other, but others aren’t. I’m pretty upfront about my decision, which helps me weed out the men who are only interested in sex.

Do you think women who make men wait for sex end up being better long-term partners?

Rachel: No. Women who have no problem making men wait may also not have a high sex drive and that doesn’t lend well to the long-term either.

Cate: I don’t think so, but I do think they end up being smarter about relationships and ultimately with better quality men because they got to know the guy, so sex was an informed decision, versus sleeping with him too soon, then finding out he’s a jerk.

Lisa: I think so. If you ultimately end up with the guy, it’s something you worked toward. You waited to get what you wanted, and that speaks to your dedication to relationships.

What is an appropriate amount of time for two people to be dating before sleeping together?

Rachel: There’s no set time limit. Until both parties are comfortable with the idea and the act.

Cate: Wait a month, so you get to know each other. Or at least a handful of dates—say, five.

Lisa: You should wait until trust has been established. That usually takes a few months, until you’ve had some deep conversations or have met each other’s friends. The longer you wait, the more gratifying the sex will be.

If you do end up falling in bed with a guy pretty quickly but you want a serious relationship, are there things you can do to pave the way toward a longer relationship?

Rachel: No, you just have to feel it out and see what kind of response you get from him. If he calls you soon after and wants to get together, then go for it.

Cate: Afterwards, engage him with your mind. Make him want more time with you. Show him who you are, and don’t let him assume that sex will always be on the menu by planning activities during the day or with friends. You can still have sex, but play it cool. Show him that you’re interested in a relationship by letting him into your life.

Lisa: Tell him that you’d like to get to know each other more and hold off from having sex again for a while, so he doesn’t think that’s all your relationship will ever be.

Q: What do you think about women who sleep with you on the first or second date—does it impact whether you see her as a potential long-term girlfriend?

Jack (40 years old, divorced): Though the answer will no doubt send ripples of shock and disbelief throughout the female species, I don’t view the timing of the first occurrence of sex with a woman as an indicator of anything. Never.

Stan (35, never married): If a girl slept with me that quickly, I would consider it a deal-breaker. Men are wired to want to sleep with others more quickly because of instant gratification. But if a woman had that little self-control, it would not bode well for the future.

Alec (50, never married): In my mind, it doesn't make a difference—as long as the woman understands that just because she slept with me, it doesn't mean the rest of the relationship is also moving quickly. But I will say, it does sort of put pressure on the situation when you sleep together so quickly. It makes the getting-to-know-you part tougher. One or both of you may have expectations of what the next date will be like. For example, if you sleep over, what happens when one doesn't want to sleep over the next time? Does the other feel slighted? Does it mean every date is a sleepover, and if it’s not that you're regressing? It makes things tougher.

Q: Are there cases where you do sleep with a woman early on, but are still open to a serious relationship with her—say, if the sex is great, or you two really hit it off during brunch the next day, or she's friends of friends?

Jack: Sure. Great sex only makes us want to be with you more. And if we hit it off after sex over brunch the next day, we consider it a win. Her being friends of friends has nothing to do with it; it’s a non-issue. In fact, if I don't like her and she is a friend of a friend, I have to drop the blade sooner or the blow-back will be worse.

Stan: I think no, I would not be open to it. There was one girl I slept with on the first date, and we ended up having a relationship, but it was a woman I’d known and worked with for four months. But if it's someone you just met and you slept with on the first date, there'd be no recovery from that. And I don't think a woman should want to date a man who wanted to sleep with her on the first date. I don't even try to sleep with women on the first date anymore.

Alec: This question is based on the idea that if you sleep together early on, you're already thinking it will not be serious. So, in my mind, any man who rules out a woman who slept with him early on—well, he isn't being very serious about finding a long-term relationship in the first place.

Q: In your experience, do you think women who make you wait for sex end up being better long-term partners?

Stan: I think they do make better potential long-term partners. As I've gotten older, I have realized there should be something sacred, private, and intimate about sex between two people. It's a revelation and a sharing. I don't think I would want to be with someone who's so willing to share herself with others. I want someone who's going to honor that aspect of herself and only share herself when it's really appropriate.

Alec: Probably, yes. But it doesn't work too well if she's totally withholding physically early on. She needs to let you know she is receptive to sex with you and is holding off not because of lack of desire, but because she wants to get to know you more.

Jack: I disagree—in my mind, a woman who "makes you wait" is treating sex as a commodity. She’s trying to, as Pat Benatar once said, "use sex as a weapon" and trying to manipulate the outcome of the new relationship. If she feels the strength of a long-term relationship is contingent on when she "gave it up," she needs to get in her time machine and leave the year 1952—which she’s obviously stuck in—immediately. As soon as she places such a high value on sex, she devalues the other, more lasting
components of a successful long-term relationship.
“As I've gotten older, I’ve realized there should be something sacred about sex between two people.”

Q: What, in your mind, is an appropriate amount of time for two people to be dating before sleeping together?

Jack: From the first date onward…

Stan: Probably three weeks to a few months. In this day and age, people are quick to make sex part of a relationship. It's unrealistic to think you can be dating someone four months without sex. So, a few weeks to a few months.

Alec: Maybe five, six dates. But it's very hard to make a rule for it. If there were rules about this stuff, it would be so much easier. I think it's best if men and women talk about sleeping together and have some ease of communication established before they do the deed. Let's face it, having sex changes the dynamics of a relationship.

Q: If a woman does end up falling in bed with you pretty quickly, are there things she can do to pave the way toward a longer relationship?

Jack: Yes. Don't suddenly start withholding sex to "slow things down”. You want to have less sex or at least balance it with public, social interaction? Fine. We're all for that. But we can't undo the fact we had sex. Was it fun? Great, let's do it again.

Stan: I think yes, if she convinces you that you're special and that she doesn't do this very often or hardly at all, if you feel there was something special between the two of you, then I think that would pave the way toward potentially overcoming that obstacle, if you will.

Alec: She should play it cool after the first time. If she sleeps with a guy early, then is a little evasive, it will drive him crazy and he’ll chase her more. This is the dirty little secret. If you tell women this, they will torture us forever.

This wan na oyinbo talk...i am doing a research on how a naija man and woman would view the issue.

Attitude is Everything!

2008-08-20T11:26:00.003+01:00

My attitude determines my altitude.

What i do affects the response or results i receive from others, which affects my attitude towards life, informs the next move i make, decides the outcome of my actions, which will in turn have a profound effect on my joy, fulfillment, success and everything at large - Michelle Mckinney Hammond

It is a defining factor in determining our Spiritual, Emotional and Physical wellbeing.Someone once said there are three views of who we are - ours, other's and God's.So who do we listen to?..good question...you only can tell.

If attitude is then everything, how then does it affect my emotional being....how can i be emotionally independent, matured and resolute?

I seem to have known quite a handful of men in my lifetime, some very good, just good, good and others regretably bad.Each of them falls under one of these categories and had a major role to play in how emotional stable or unstable i have been.Nonetheless, it is learning through each experience that has given me the leverage and strength to write about this.

I met someone recently,under what circumstance irrespective, i feel honored to have met the person.We got talking and the person told me indirectly that i was a people pleaser and would do anything to get into someone's good book, even when it literally made me uncomfortable.

The truth behind this made me shiver,sending me to my roots.Therefore, i stand to find out...does my attitude determine my emotional maturity? If it does then i am on the search and still searching for what it means to be emotionally matured...so far this is what i have gotten...

For starters, i did a check on the following to see if i had all the symptoms....i alone can tell where i stand...u decide where u stand..

-Am I Egocentric?
Am i self-centered and selfish. Do i have little regard for others and am i preoccupied with only my ideas, feelings and symptoms. Do i deeply believe that i am somehow special. Do i demand constant attention, respect and sympathy.

-Do I have Uncontrolled Emotions?
Do I express myself in temper tantrums, prolonged pouts and rapidly changing moods. Do i get frustrated easily, and over-react to perceived criticism.

- Do i want it all now. Is my behavior superficial, thoughtless and impulsive. Does my loyalty last only as long as a relationship seems useful. Do i have chaotic finances.

- Am I Dependent
Am i indecisive, easily influenced and do i avoid responsibility for my actions. Do i stay in unpleasant relationships to avoid change.

"Having viewed the following, i decided to go in search of solutions to the above, just in case i were found faultering".

Emotional Maturity implies controlling your emotions more willingly than letting your emotions to give you the orders. Your emotional maturity predicts your ability to manage and monitor your emotions, to assess the emotional state of others and to influence their opinions and behavior..
One's emotional maturity seem to be most profoundly influenced by your relationship history or trauma history.

Nonetheless, it determines the quality of our relationships.

Characteristics / Traits of Emotionally Mature People

- Thinking sooner than acting and having control over one’s behavior.

- Having the sense of self-reliance and the capability to take accountability for one’s life and actions.

- Having patience.

- Bonding with others in a supportive and constructive manner. Actually caring about others and representing their concern.

- Acting honestly and living by one's principles.

- Keeping self-control and balance in all things.

- Having the capacity to tackle difficult and demanding situations.

At times, Immaturity can also be related to child abuse and emotional incest. Go through the given questions and find out if you’re emotionally mature.

Do you deal with sudden change?
Do you pay attention to other people's ideas?
Do you make out your feelings as they occur?
Do you act wisely and mature enough under stress?
Do you express your feelings properly?
Do you take accountability for your actions and behavior?
Do you control intense emotions and impulses?

If your answer is ‘No’ to any of these questions, it points out part of your life when you’re not exactly emotionally mature. Stress, in extreme cases, also makes one to act immaturely.

How then can i learn emotional maturity?

I reckon anyone can develop emotional maturity in oneself and for the sake of relationships by keeping track of the following points:

1. Start accepting your tensions, stress, anxiety and worries. Don’t avoid it just to get momentary relief.Take the time to look at it, learn about it and work with it.

2. Start recognizing and appropriately expressing your ill feelings. It is known that people who do not express their anger are usually afraid of what will happen if they do.Instead of having suppressed feelings, vent out appropriately and then forget them.

3. Learn to bear pain and hurt because life is full of uncertainties. Pain and hurt are natural consequences of life and because of this simple fact, life involves change and loss. To never feel hurt is to be deadened. Our emotions are not fine china - overprotecting oneself leaves one vulnerable because you fail to develop strength and resiliency.
Moderate exposure to pain and loss is often what creates opportunities for developing coping skills.If you're always thinking of yourself as the victim whenever you're experiencing pain or loss..its really not helpful.

4. Understand your responsibility and learn from your mistakes. Face your guilty feelings squarely.We all make mistakes and we all behave selfishly and meanly at times.Keeping a positive approach and verbally expressing your regrets, makes it easier to make amends. We can't avoid doing wrong, because perfection does not exist in humans, so relax.

5. Put your feelings in perspective. Tolerate ambiguity, avoid words like never and always. Realize that the world is a vast place that we can never completely understand. Feelings are messy, mistakes are made,relationships are complex and life is ever changing.

There is nothing you will ever experience and no pain you will ever feel that has not been felt and survived by others.

If you doubt this, take a look around you and reach out...we are always learning...

Ultimately, man should not ask for the meaning of his life, but recognize that it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible. - "Viktor Frankl"

Roles Vs Real

2008-08-20T09:10:00.001+01:00

Who am I?

Wherever and in whatever situation i have found myself, whether on a job or in a relationship...have i been true to myself...or have i been forced to act a part.

Has my role playing been sufficient in helping me be the best i can be. Does my being myself cause me to cringe in fear?

Who exactly am i....must i play a role to be accepted?

Browsing around, found this article, read and i am still just wondering!

by Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem, M.Ed.

The anxiety can hit me like a punch in the stomach. Who am I?
In this moment I feel like I am an imposter. I have all the experience and training behind me and other people trust me, yet when I look at the words written about me I wonder: "Is this really me?"

I have played a lot of roles in my life. Each seemed to have a script. Being the good daughter, sister, student, babysitter, teacher, wife, mother, therapist and more. They all had expectations put on me by others. I learned how to play the parts. I read books, took courses and listened to the expectations of the roles I played.

When I met someone who had a different set of rules for the role, I was anxious. Was I really being the "best" of whoever I was trying to be?

Lots of times I felt like I was failing. I'd become impatient or exhausted and would feel like a failure. The perfect "I" would never act like I was acting.
Awareness of the Self that I am and how this Self is different from the roles I play, can help me answer the question - who am I?

I can look at my individual potential - things with which I was born. I can ask: "What are my limits and what are my strengths?"

While some people say we are all capable of being whoever we want to be, I know that one of my fantasies, to be a helicopter pilot, is not very realistic. I perhaps could, but won't, change my sex, my height, my ethnic background and a whole lot more. I could play dumber than I am, something women are told to do to succeed, but I won't. I have been told I am too emotional. I ask: "Too emotional for whom?"

In looking at the "real" Self, I need to accept these parts of myself. I need to look at myself physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Who am I really when I am free to be Me?

Watching ourselves through what we do when we have the choice to do whatever we want, will lead us to our authentic self.

Living roles involves the expectations of others and our own expectations of ourselves. What do I expect of a good daughter of an aging parent? What makes a good wife? How does a successful business woman behave? What does she look like and what does she wear?

Role models assign us expectations. When my mother died in her 50's she left me without her role to follow. I needed to look for other examples of how to "be" a mature woman. I looked to my grandmothers and aunts. I looked to respected peers. I asked myself: "How do I want to be me?" The freedom to invent myself was overwhelming. What if I chose wrong? Couldn't someone just tell me and I could follow the script?

When I purchased a little red sporty car, I was told it was juvenile by a woman who lived her roles flawlessly. Her comments surprised me. I questioned my decision.

Crisis points demand we grow. Deciding I needed to be playful and happy was more important than living her version of the role. I must live with the consequences of my decisions and if breaking the role of a middle aged woman that others adopt had consequences, I was going to find out what they were.

I had far more comments of "cute car" than critical ones. It has been a long time and I still get a smile on my face when I climb into my latest "toy".
I do not want power over others and I do not want others to try to control me. I will not live in a role, although I find it helpful to have a whole collection of roles I can play when I want. I can shift from role to real and back again.
Understanding the difference between the roles we play and the real women we are capable of being, gives us great freedom. It gives the ability to create the lives we want.

We are also a role model for others, especially our children. In the constant demands of activities and expectations, children need to discover and hold on to, their authentic selves.

Make your life the way you'd wish your children's lives will be for them!

http://timefinders.net

DeGeneres weds De Portia

2008-08-18T10:58:00.000+01:00

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have become lawfully wedded wives.

Capitalizing on the recent switcheroo in California law, the longtime loves swapped vows Saturday in front of family and friends at their Beverly Hills estate, according to People.

A small group of less than 30 wedding guests, all dressed in summer formal attire, started arriving at Ellen's posh $29 million abode Saturday evening at around 6:30 p.m.

"It was all close friends and family," said a source, adding that no celeb guests were spotted entering all day.
Both wore Zac Posen and exchanged rings by Neil Lane. Actress de Rossi has been sporting a Neil Lane-designed, marquise-cut pink diamond ring on her wedding finger since June.

DeGeneres, 50, and de Rossi, 35, have been an item (not to mention paparazzi magnets and an adorable red-carpet couple) since December 2004. On May 15, the day after the California Supreme Court struck down a ban on gay marriage by ruling it unconstitutional, DeGeneres announced on her talk show that she and de Rossi were planning to tie the knot.
The audience, which included her smiling Australian-born partner that day, responded with a standing ovation.

"I'll tell you who the lucky guy is soon," DeGeneres added, never missing a beat.

"Planning a wedding is very stressful," DeGeneres said on the red carpet at the 2008 Daytime Emmy Awards, where she took home her fourth statue in a row for Outstanding Talk Show Host. "It is crazy. My gardener is now invited."
And on a more serious note, she added: "I can't wait to be married. I feel like it is long overdue. And I think someday people will look back on this like women not having the right to vote and segregation and anything else that seems ridiculous like we all don't have the same rights."

Not knowing that a legally smiled-upon wedding was in their future, they purchased their 8,500-square-foot Cabrillo Drive home last year. They now own three adjoining pieces of property in their canyon enclave, making for an ultra-private abode.

City planning officials have told E! News that it's possible the couple might want to completely gate off their end of the street, but a public hearing would have to be held to approve such a request.

GISTS

2008-08-14T09:51:00.004+01:00

Selecting appropriate shoes for social outings and occasions sometimes can be really painstaking. But its worth all the time when you consider the pros and cons. Most women choose their shoes based on style and personal appearance, while others give much priority to the convenience and comfort.

High heels are shoes that a lot of women can’t refuse wearing. Especially shorter women, who often times can’t resist wearing very high heels for the extra height boost. Outing shoes should not only be in excellent condition but must be comfortable with individual’s perfect heel’s length. As shoes with scuff marks don’t speak well of personality.

Various trends and species of shoes are avaiable in retail shops especially for fashionable women. Virtually every woman desires to wear and change her shoe varieties often. Heels been the most appealing specie of shoes: many women would spare nothing to have a whole range of designers to wear to events. Only a few women prefer wearing low heel shoes, not because it is not fashionable, but many consider this footwear as out of vogue.

Shoes like other clothe accessories, come in a extensive colour variations that would flatter your outfit beyond imaginations. Shoes with ankle straps, Stilettos, Pee toes, Pumps works for best social events.

Heels don’t need to be extremely high. It is a lot more easier to stick to heels that you can walk well in. Women who wear very high heels are prone to health risk.

How comfortable are your heels?
My Naija News - Daily News and Information from Nigeria - Thursday, 14 August 2008

Amebo Today!

2008-08-14T09:04:00.004+01:00

Transgender Contestant to Compete on Top Model
US weekly recently reported that one of the 14 girls who will compete on the new season of America's Next Top Model which returns to The CW on September 3 is transgender. So what's the big deal?!

Isis, a 22-year-old former receptionist, will be the first transgender contestant to appear on ANTM. Is Tyra opening her mind and allowing everyone to have an equal opportunity at their dream, or is Tyra opening up her fashionable handbag for all the extra money she will receive for the increased ratings?

The question also must be asked: Will Isis have a fair chance at winning the competition? What will this do for the other women in the competition who could possibly lose to Isis?

Isn't she hot!

It only took 84 years and an African American presidential candidate for Disney to bring its first black princess to fruition with The Princess and the Frog. For the upcoming movie they’ve returned both to hand-drawn animation (CGI is awesome and all, but how about some old school 2-D love for cartoons already?) and the writer/director combo of John Musker and Ron Clemens who worked on some of the last Disney films we remember that didn’t suck, The Little Mermaid and Aladdin.

Somehow though, the task of creating a black princess has not been easy for the Disney team. In fact, they've had to go back and rework every aspect of the title character from her appearance to her name (she went from “Maddy” to a more modern “Tiana”) to her occupation (was originally dubbed a chambermaid) after concern for playing to African American stereotypes. We somehow doubt there was a woman named Tiana living in 1920s New Orleans, where the story is set, but we’ll let that slide as we have a bigger issue with the new trailer: the toothless narrating firefly. Yeah.

We’ll have to wait till Christmas 2009 for The Princess and the Frog's theatrical release, but for now check out the trailer and let us know what you think. [EW]

Finding a soul mate?

2008-08-13T13:48:00.002+01:00

Do you believe there is a specific someone out there put on earth just for you? Rabbi Shmuley says many people don't believe in soul mates because they're afraid of such a special commitment. While soul mate love may seem overwhelming or unattainable, Rabbi Shmuley says it's something we should all strive to have. "If you believe in a soul mate, you believe in love," he says. "You believe that love is something more than accidental [or] capricious. It is something unique, special [and] miraculous."
Rabbi Shmuley says everyone looking for love should keep this in mind:
Soul mates do exist. The reason why all people don't have soul mates is because when they're looking for love, they're following a checklist of what they want in someone else, Rabbi Shmuley says. Instead, he says people should make checklists of what they themselves lack. "A soul mate is not your double—it's rather someone who fills in the blanks," he says.

A soul mate is someone with whom you never have to prove yourself. "There is an instantaneous sense of comfort—you begin to feel comfortable with all of your flaws because this person just accepts you," Rabbi Shmuley says. "They still love you for your virtue, but they accept you for your flaws as well."

A soul mate is someone with whom you can be honest. "When you are around a soul mate, you feel this instantaneous need to confess—you want to share things that are utterly personal because you're are not afraid that you are going to be thrown out as a result," he says.
When distinguishing a soul mate from someone who is merely a partner, Rabbi Shmuley says you should use this soul mate checklist:
•Do I find this person attractive, am I drawn to them?
•Is this a good person with a good heart?
•Do I respect this person?
•Does this person love children?
•Does this person have the capacity to put others before him or herself? Can he or she empathize with another person's plight?
•Is this person charitable? Not just in pocket, but in person? Do they give of themselves to others?
•Is this person nonjudgmental?
•Does this person live for something other than the material and the transitory?
•Is this person humble and not arrogant?
•When he or she hurts you, are they forthcoming with an apology?

Once you find your soul mate, Rabbi Shmuley says you'll feel whole in many ways.

"'Soul mate' simply means someone with whom you have a soulful connection," he says. "It's not purely physical, it's not even purely emotional—it's deeper than that. You just feel you are like one spirit, one soul."

"To find the perfect soul mate, focus not on what you have, but what you lack. By identifying that one big thing we are missing, we are guaranteed to find someone who makes us feel whole." – Rabbi Shmuley

What's your Skin Type/Dry or Dehydrated?

2008-08-12T12:50:00.004+01:00

What's your skin type/Dry or Dehydrated Skin?

There's not much you can do about the skin type you're born with, but it's important to take care of it the right way. Here's how.

Article:
Rose Bruins and Anne Church from FAIRLADY

Combination/normal skin
The T-zone (the central part of the face, forehead and chin) is oilier in varying degrees, while the cheeks are drier. Ideally you would need to treat these two areas separately.

Dry skin
This type of skin can be prone to sensitivity, as dryness is perpetuated by temperature extremes, air conditioning and wind, which cause surface evaporation of moisture. It also has a low level of sebum, so is prone to flaking, tightness and chapping. Use products that are rich in moisture and cleansers that are cream- or oil-based, and avoid water-soluble products.

Oily skin
Oily skin is characterized by the overproduction of sebum, resulting in spots and blemishes. Don’t be tempted to strip the skin, as this can cause the oil glands to go into overtime. It can also leave the skin feeling taut and dehydrated, causing the epidermis to shrink and weaken, thereby restricting the oil flow and causing blockages to the pores, leading to breakouts. Use oil-based cleansing products that dissolve sebum and oil-free moisturizers to control shine.

Sensitive skin
Dry and delicate, it is particularly reactive to the environment; some detergents, cosmetics and alcohol can cause irritation that result in a red, blotchy and irritated complexion. Stick to alcohol- and fragrance-free treatments.

The bottom line - There’s not much you can do about the skin type you’re born with – but by taking care of it properly, you can control and maintain texture and radiance. And, make no mistake, the most essential skin saver is protection against excessive sun exposure and pollution – this is guaranteed to slow down the ageing process and keep your skin naturally beautiful.

Help your skin by...
Sticking to a healthy diet – beta carotene converts to vitamin A (essential in strengthening the skin tissue); vitamin C helps collagen production; vitamin E is good for conditioning; and vitamin B is good for repairing.
Supplementing your diet with evening primrose oil; it contains gamma-linolenic acid (GLA), a fatty acid that strengthens the skin cells and stimulates moisture content.
Getting enough sleep, allowing the skin to repair itself.
Exercising, this boosts blood flow.

Dry skin

Dry skin, like the parched remains of a once succulent plant, lacks sufficient nutrients to nourish and feed it. The fundamental need of a dry skin is oil. Oils are vital for the wellbeing of the skin; they keep the surface pliable and young-looking, and act as a natural coating to prevent excessive moisture loss.

When natural oils (sebum) produced by sebaceous glands in the skin are secreted onto the skin’s surface, they act as a protective barrier. Too little sebum results in dry patches, flaking and even peeling skin. Lips become parched and cracked and, as the day goes on, your skin feels drier and tighter.

Dry skin is accompanied by a dull complexion due to the dried out, compacted surface layers lacking blood supply. It tends to look prematurely aged, with the emergence of fine lines and wrinkles.

In addition to environment and climate, hormones, medication, genetics and diet may also play a role. The condition of dry skin can be aggravated by overuse of soap, detergents and toners.

How to treat it

Concentrate on boosting the skin’s levels of nourishment. Begin by treating internally with a diet rich in essential fatty acids, found in oily fish like salmon.

Use topical treatment creams continuously to keep the surface of your skin supple and nourished. Be careful not to use products that strip away your natural oils. The most important step is to nourish your skin with a rich cream that contains more oil than water; this will seal moisture into the upper layers.

Cosmetic oil is also good to use, but should be limited to night use, as it leaves a greasy residue on the surface of your skin. Using an exfoliator at least three times per week helps remove dead cells and improves penetration of nourishing treatments. For maximum moisture, treat your skin to a nourishing mask twice a week after exfoliating.

Dehydrated skin

A dehydrated skin lacks sufficient moisture (water), as opposed to oil, in the superficial layers. Eighty percent of South Africans have dehydrated skin due to our work environment (air-conditioned or heated rooms) and hot, dry climatic conditions; the use of diuretics and alcohol consumption also increases dehydration. Dehydration can affect all skin types, whether normal, oily or dry; to test for dehydration, run the side of your finger up your cheek, if you see fine horizontal lines you know you’re dehydrated. Your skin will also tend to have a dull appearance.

How to treat it

Increase your intake of water (at least 8 glasses a day); avoid further moisture loss through excessive temperatures. Top up the moisture levels in the surface layers of skin with an intensive moisture boost. Use products that contain more water than oil; the aim is to replenish and lock moisture into your skin. Applying moisturiser helps to do just that. Avoid washing your face with soap and apply creams while your skin is slightly moist.

Make up for Beginners

2008-08-11T18:22:00.004+01:00

Oops i forgot some of us don't even know how apply any make up. Please wassap with the black eye pencil as lipstick, thick eye brows, Fanta face with Cocacola Body.. you know what i mean.

Article by Zayaan Schroeder from www.women24.com

Make-up can either make or break your look, but not everyone is adept at applying make-up and not everyone loves wearing it. To some, makeup is like a foreign country with people who speak gibberish, whereas others embrace it warmly and are seamless experts. Here are some tips on how to apply the basics and what must-have items should be in your make-up bag.

Eyeliner
Eyeliner highlights your eyes and with one swipe it can give you that smoky mysterious look. Often you can change your look with just a bit of eyeliner and lip gloss. Eyeliners come in different colours and each one can define the look you're going for by matching or contrasting it with your clothes. Liquid eyeliner is for the advanced class though as you'll need a steady hand and lots of confidence.

Mascara
Mascara is used to lengthen the lashes. When applying them to the upper lashes do so from the underside of the lid to the end of the lashes. Keep the mascara on the lower lashes to a minimum. The shape of the mascara wand also defines its purpose. A crescent shaped wand will give your lashes more curve whereas a fat wand with a lot of bristles will thicken them.

Eyeshadow
Eyeshadow can be used to subtly change or enhance the eyes. The colour should complement your outfit. The lightest shade should be swept across the entire lid and used as a base colour to the other colours you apply. A darker colour can be used on top of that to create depth.

Foundation
Foundation is make-up magic. It hides your blemishes and evens out your skin tone. It also provides a base for when you're applying blusher and eyeshadow. Have a make-up artist in the shop match your foundation to your skin colour. Also rather test it in natural light than under the fluorescent lights of the shop, or you might end up walking around with your face and neck being two different colours. Experts agree that Mac seems to be the best on the market at the moment, and can be found at Mac make up counters nationwide.

Blusher
The easiest way to decide on your blush colour is to pinch your cheeks and see what colour they are or otherwise match it to your lip colour. Always tap off any excess blush on the brush before applying it to your cheeks. Apply the blush in the shape of a triangle, tapering towards the temples then blending it outwards and upwards. Clinique's range gives off a bit of a glitter shine.

Lipstick
Lipstick is the easiest way to transform your face. When choosing the colour take into consideration what you're wearing and your skin colour. If you have an olive complexion use colours that brighten the skin such as browns or red browns. Deep reds or deep browns work best with dark complexions. If you are pale of complexion you can use almost any colour, a bright red to add contrast or peaches and pinks to warm the skin tone.

Gloss
Gloss adds glamour. It puts a shine on your lips and is the perfect finishing off product. It comes in all kinds of different flavours and shades. Clear lipgloss can be used over your lipstick or you can use a colour on its own for a little informal daytime glam.

Experiment with different kinds of make-up till you find your feet. Don't try to do too much or your face will look too busy, keep it simple yet classy. It's not as difficult as the experts make it out to be, with a swipe of eyeliner and a dash of lipstick you can transform into the fabulous person you are.

Beauty Tips

2008-08-11T17:56:00.003+01:00

How to have gorgeous and professional look make up look at work!

Bright colors and heavy make-up should be put on hold for nights on the town, when it comes to the office, make sure that your look is professional and your make-up polished.

Natural make-up
Keep your make-up light for the day and avoid shiny or heavy make-up. Be careful of bronzers and shimmer creams.

Most offices have bright neon lights that can make you look pale and washed out.

Use a good concealer of foundation to hide blemishes. Apply a little blusher to the apples of your cheeks for a healthy glow. Choose a blusher that is the same shade as your cheeks after you have been for a long walk so that will it will look natural.

Invest in a neutral eye shadow in a shade of grey or brown. Grey looks best with green or brown eyes, while brown eye shadow accentuates blue eyes.

Keep eyeliner and mascara simple in classic colors and be careful of smudging as you don't want to look like you have had a rough night out.

Choose a simple lipstick color for the office that will look neat throughout the day. A natural gloss works well.

Neat hands
Keep your hands and nails well cared for, and your nails fashionably short.

Keep a nail clipper and file in your handbag for emergencies.

Paint your nails a neutral colour or go for a neat, classic French manicure.

Remember that lighter colours will look neat for longer, because chips and cracks are less noticeable than with dark or bright polish.

Keep nail polish remover wipes in your bag to fix up any chips.

Article by Annel Lategan from women24.com

It's time to let go of those all those empty lipsticks and cracked eye shadows and get organized. Here are some tips on how to organize your make-up bag.

What can you do to organize your make-up kit?
You can begin by tossing out all those 'disposables' you've been holding onto for way too long, such us your latex wedges and even those worn sponge tip applicators. New disposable applicators are inexpensive and easily obtainable from cosmetic counters at pharmacies and department stores.

Check that you haven't been keeping make-up longer than you should be. Smell your lipsticks, if they have a very strong smell to them it's time you said goodbye. A great way to organize and de-junk your make-up kit is to clean all your make-up and brushes and buy yourself a new make-up bag – you'll feel like you've just bought yourself a brand new kit!

When should you throw away old make-up?
Mascara – 36 months
Lipstick – 30 months
Eye shadow – 36 months
Foundation – 24 months
Powder – 36 months
Eyeliner – 30 months
Blush – 36 months

Don't be without...
Always keep your make-up bag clean and organized so you are able to 'put your face on' in a hurry. Always have these four essential items:
Mascara
Sheer Foundation
Gel Blush
Lip Gloss

He Likes Me - He Likes me not

2008-08-11T17:47:00.002+01:00

Is he into me?

Find out if the guy you're dating really likes you...

These signs show that he is really into you:

He'll ask for dates in advance.

When he kisses you, his intentions will be romantic as well as sexual.

He'll remember things you told him about what you've been doing at work or socially and will ask you how they were.

He won't make you feel insecure. He'll turn up on time for your dates and call when he says he will.

One of the best signs that he seriously likes you is when he calls or e-mails to say what a wonderful time he's had after a date.

He'll make you feel included in his life by telling you about his day, friends and interests.

He'll make an effort with his appearance.

Tattoes and Body Piercings

2008-08-11T17:18:00.003+01:00

I was reading some articles on women24.com, and i came across this article so i decided to share.Its what your body piercings and tattoos tell about you.Maybe i should go get myself one..somewhere mischievous..lol...I bet rihanna did that beautiful tattoo for a reason best known to her and her beau...

The title of the article is "Body of evidence"

What do your tattoos, piercings and make-up style tell the opposite sex about you?

Article by Joe Kita from Men's Health

"Courtship is all about display. And if there was ever a time when women needed to display themselves, it's now." Says anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher.

"For hundreds of years we lived in small social units where everybody knew everyone else. But these days women move around a lot, and as a result, they're looking for any little thing to catch the eye of the right guy. As Mae West said, 'It is better to be looked over than overlooked'."

We asked relationship and body-art experts to generalise about the type of woman who decorates herself in these ways. Take a long look – you're sending signals without even saying a word:

A small tattoo on a woman's shoulder
...means she's funny and overtly sexy, and loves to tease, according to Amy Krakow, author of Total Tattoo Book. This woman wants something unexpected and memorable to catch your eye when she wheels on her heels, throws you a coquettish smile and takes leave.

A tattoo on the small of the back
...suggests a woman who is secretly sexual. The sacrum is an overlooked but highly sensual spot, where most women love to be touched. She's essentially telling you to 'press here'. This type of tattoo, especially if it's a tribal design, also connotes spirituality and a wider perspective on reality.

Her eyeliner curved up at the corners
...means she wants to be seen as mysterious, exotic and divine. The look harks back to Nefertiti, a beautiful Egyptian queen who probably made herself up like this to resemble the cats her people worshiped. We're talking wannabe diva here.

Different lipstick shades mean different things.
According to psychologist Dr Michael Cunningham, a lady in red is seriously passionate. Light pink connotes a cooler, more aloof girl, who's in charge of herself. Colourless high-gloss, the kind that makes lips look wet, suggests a woman who is sensual but receptive.

A biceps bracelet or an armband tattoo
...signifies toughness. According to Krakow, a woman with body art on a typically male place of adornment, such as the forearm or biceps, is willing to stand up for herself and won't take any crap.

An eyebrow ring or any other unconventional facial piercing
...is there for shock value. "Novelty raises levels of dopamine in the male brain," says Fisher. "This hormone is associated with romantic love and it heightens sex drive." So what you have here is a rebel – a girl of brassy independence who likes to be provocative and occasionally make trouble.

A small tattoo on her pubic bone or atop her breast
...may indicate she's coming off a bad relationship. "Some women, especially older ones, get tattooed in private places to reassert ownership of their bodies," says Krakow. A sun design or a butterfly may represent her desire to rise again and be free.

Lots of bracelets on her arm
...she's trying to attract attention. Men are visual creatures, taking in 80 percent of the world by sight. Women instinctively play to this, but creative types will endeavour to take it a step further. They'll use scent (perfume) and even sound (bracelets). "A woman who uses auditory display wants to be sure everyone in the room notices her," says Cunningham. Such a ploy may mean she's insecure, but more likely she's intelligent and cunning, and will stop at nothing to get her man.

A tiny tattoo on the ankle
Signifies a good girl who wants to be bad. She probably works in a professional environment that frowns on tats, so she picked one that's less likely to be noticed. A rose symbolises love and romance. An angel represents protection. Fairies connote nature and magic. A dolphin is phallic. And twin cherries, well, you can only imagine. Any woman with a tattoo likes a little pain with her pleasure. Says Krakow, "Getting a tattoo on a place with no body fat, like the ankle, hurts more. But it's sensuous pain – the warmth of the needle and the sting."

Body glitter
If she's wearing body glitter or crystals, she wants to sparkle just like they do. She's girlish and fun, curious and playful, and she still believes in magic. In fact, she's looking for a Prince Charming to put a real twinkle on her finger.

Nails
A woman with long, elaborately painted fingernails is trying to create the illusion of class. She may be a supermarket cashier, a bank teller or an assembly-line riveter who's trying to disguise the fact that she's a menial labourer. This woman values an elegant lifestyle in which she doesn't have to work. She's looking to be pampered and protected. Think high-maintenance.

Tongue stud
This is the most in-your-face piece of body art a woman can have, obviously done to enhance oral sex. "This is a self-confident woman who values her tongue almost as much for sex as for talking," says Cunningham.

But there's more to it than just fabulous fellatio. The tongue has loads of nerve endings, so it's the most painful body part to pierce. Plus, the risk of infection is high, and the stud compromises language skills, at least at first. In this respect, it's sort of like the peacock's tail. "It's saying, 'I have so much energy and am in such good health that I can cart around this cumbersome thing, yet still function,'" says Fisher. "It's a big fitness indicator." In other words, this girl can lick you in more ways than one.

Belly art
When a woman calls attention to her stomach with a navel ring, a belly chain or a tattoo, she's sending the signal that she's sexual, fertile and possibly ready to reproduce. Men don't just size up potential mates by their facial features. We sub-consciously weigh a multitude of factors, including waist-to-hip ratio. The ideal ratio for childbearing is 0.7, which equates to the classic hourglass shape of a 68-centimetre waist and 96-centimetre hips. So if she's got it and she's flaunting it, she's probably the type who wants to have kids.

Seriously, to a naija man, religious background irrespective...my thots on what he would think are very vast..fill in the blank..

Adieu! Bernie Mac

2008-08-10T10:51:00.008+01:00

(5th, October, 1957 - 9th August,2008)

This is real, real sad...but life happens!
Stand Up comic and actor, Bernard Jeffrey McCollough, born on the 5th of October, 1957 in Chicago, Illinois died on Saturday Morning - 9th August, 2008 at the age of 50.
He was said to have died of complications of Pneumonia at a chicago area hospital. He suffered from Sarcoidosis, an inflammatory Lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body's organs but had said the condition went into remission in 2005.He was later rehospitalized and treated for pneumonia which his publicist said had no relation to his death.

Until the time of his death, Bernie Mac blended style, authority and a touch of self aware bluster to make audiences laugh as well as connect with him.

He had starring roles in Ocean's Eleven, Bad Santa, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, Guess who's coming to dinner, and a host of others....He drew critical and popular acclaim with his Fox TV Series..The Bernic Mac Show...which aired more than a 100 episodes from 2001-2006.
He was nominated for 2 Golden Globes, with 11 other wins and 28 other nominations in different categories.

As word spreads, tributes are pouring in from the funnyman's friends and colleagues.

Brad Pitt: "I lament the loss of a ferociously funny and hardcore family man. My thoughts are with [his wife] Rhonda and their family. Bernie Mac, you are already missed."

George Clooney: "The world just got a little less funny. He will be dearly missed."

Chris Rock: "Bernie Mac was one of the best and funniest comedians to ever live, but that was the second best thing he did. Bernie was one of the greatest friends a person could have. Losing him is like losing 12 people because he absolutely filled up any room he was in. I'm gonna miss the Mac Man."

Cedric the Entertainer: "It's hard to put into words just how I feel and what a painful loss this is. Bernie was a brother, a friend and one of the comic masters of our time. Sharing the marquee with him during the phenomenon of the Kings of Comedy tour bonded us like family, and created a unique moment in comic history marking some of the most meaningful, memorable and fun times of our lives. His comedic approach was his own brand and will definitely stand the test of time. The level of his talent always inspired me and other comedians to 'bring their A-game.' I promise you that you never wanted to be the guy who had to follow Bernie's set! As a husband and father, he was THE MAN and my thoughts and prayers are with his family. He will truly be missed, but so well remembered."

Don Cheadle: "This is a very sad day for many of us who knew and loved Bernie. He brought so much joy to so many. He will be missed, but heaven just got funnier."

Kelly Preston and John Travolta: "We are heartbroken. He will be deeply missed. He was a wonderful, kind and gentle man."

Ocean's Eleven costar Carl Reiner: "It's a tremendous loss because of his age and the fact that he was such a vital, original human being. When I use the word 'original' I really mean it. He was like no other person I knew. He lived his life to the fullest, even when we were on the set of Ocean's. He had his own little apartment and he cooked and invited people to lunch every day and he had food that was for everybody. He made very exotic things. His conversations were always different than any conversations I had with anyone else. They were very family-oriented; he talked about his wife and children with such love and it's very hard to believe that he's not with us anymore."

Actress/comedienne Niecy Nash, who played Mac's little sister on the hit television series The Bernie Mac Show and acted opposite him in the 2005 film Guess Who, said this about her friend and mentor: "His passing is such a major loss to the acting and comedy communities. Bernie Mac was the personification of the word 'real.' He kept it real. That kind of genuine spirit that he carried all the time cannot be easily duplicated, but I will do my very best to try."

Fox Broadcasting Company and 20th Century Fox Television: "Bernie Mac was a gifted talent whose comedy came from an authentic and highly personal place. He was a tremendous live performer and a wonderful actor. Fox was proud to be the home of The Bernie Mac Show, and all of us at Fox and 20th Century Fox Television extend our deepest sympathies to his wife, Rhonda, and daughter, JeNiece."

Jenifer Lewis: "Bernie's style of comedy was bold, courageous and revolutionary—I never knew anyone who loved to be funny as much as Bernie. He will most definitely be very missed."

Samuel L. Jackson, Mac's costar in the November 2008 flick Soul Men: "It goes without saying that Bernie was one of the preeminent comedians of our generation. He was also an attentive husband, a great father and loving grandfather. I feel blessed to have shared years of friendship with Bernie Mac and I'm honored to have finally costarred with him in what I consider to be his finest cinematic acting achievement. My sincere prayer is that his family will be comforted by the warmth of love from all of us who knew and respected this man."Married for more than 30 years, Mac largely eschewed Hollywood, choosing to live in Chicago.

He is however survived by his wife, Rhonda, a daughter and a granddaughter.

A public memorial is planned for noon august, the 16th at the House of Hope Church in Chicago.

Here's a view of what he did during his lifetyme!

Matured Man Vs. Jerk

2008-08-08T11:45:00.003+01:00

Heads Up!

2008-08-08T10:32:00.008+01:00

Understanding the purpose of a thing determines how it is going to be utilized.This is why i advocate seriously that a woman be exactly CLEAR for herself when a man isn't measuring up, and that it NOT HER FAULT.

The purpose of any relationship is to grow.If there is no growth, the essence of the relationship is defeated.It is simply understanding what wasn't working,and the old roles you played, which all has to die inorder for you to grow.

It is important we become very honest with ourselves and what's really going on around us.Life is too short to hang around something that isn't good for you or makes you unhappy.The truth is avoiding trading your happiness, insights, or emotional wellbeing for someone's love or approval. It is downright frustrating and more often than not a surety for failure.

You and I know those relationships where you really care about or love someone, but it isn't just working!We try by all means to make or fix things by doing nice things, showing more love and what we get in return is more withdrawal and utter neglect. We make silly excuses for what's going on with our supposed partner by obssessing about what's wrong with US instead of having the confidence to take a good look at what your mate is really doing wrong and accepting this as the reality of the situation.

We all have our differences, we are never the same..our backgrounds,views, opinions, ethics are different, man and women reason differently.Understanding and communicating this clearly without any biases determines greatly how well put together a relationship can or should be.
If we have people in our lives who just can't seem to accept us or put up with us, then fine!It's their loss not our's, trying to play the role of the convincer is just a waste of time and emotion, This is why it is very essential you become clear for yourself on the differences between a "Real man" from a "Boy" so you don't get continuosly caught up in the frustrating and might i add dangerous patterns of trying to have a matured relationship with an immature man.

I realized we don't have to be sorry for who we are or how we were created,we could only be sorry for the errors and accidental mistakes we make and strive to be better, but not entirely kill ourselves about them.
Those who can leave us, can do so because they can...for if they had been for us, they would not have left us at all.

Wouldn't just knowing how a mature man really acts, thinks and talks like in a relationship make things a lot easier?

Doing some serious study...check out my next article, i'll tell you what i found out about the difference between a matured man and a jerk.

see ya...

Preventing Petty Arguments/Usher - Moving Mountains

2008-08-04T11:53:00.002+01:00

When i read and thought about this article, i had only one person in mind.Its sad but i knew i had to post the article anyway.

I wondered about the people who simply didn't just understand that we all have varying differences that would at one time or the other lead to arguments and offences.The inability to leave room for such causes strain in relationships.
Nobody is perfect, even though we strive to be the best that we can be, we would still not be perfect.
The power here now lies in our ability channel our arguments healthily without causing drag-outs and constant disagreements that would eventually cut down on the Life span of our relationships.

1. Don't taunt your mate.
Avoid the temptation to do or say those things that you know irritate your mate. This includes constant teasing, ridicule, and gestures that send your mate into a tizzy or rage. Also, avoid the body-language "comments" ranging from rolling your eyes to smirking sarcastically.
2. Change the subject. If it appears you're going down that familiar trail of bickering, ambush the conversation by jumping in with a comment on a more pleasant topic.
3. Keep to your agreements. If you say you will be on time or pick up your dirty socks, then do it. Flaking on a small agreement can escalate into something bigger. Making agreements and not keeping them -- minor or major -- can set the stage for constant arguing, and no couple needs that.
4. Hold your tongue. Though you may want to blurt out a criticism or a snide remark, restrain yourself. When you decide to keep some remarks to yourself, you may avoid petty arguments altogether. Remember that old adage: "If you can't say anything nice..."
5. Don't engage. Another famous saying: "It takes two to tango." If you refuse to play the bickering game when your mate starts in, he/she will have to look elsewhere to direct his/her jabs.
6. Forget about being right. It is oh-so tempting to want to climb all over your mate when he/she does not live up to his/her minor promises (like not getting your car washed yesterday when he/she promised). Yes, you're right: He/she is wrong, but is it worth getting into a huff about? Granted, it's irritating to count on someone for something and not have them come through, but save the "I'm right and you're wrong" for the big stuff, like when your mate says he/she will make a commitment to stop swearing in front of your parents and continues to do so.
7. Forget the "tit for tat." It's a natural response to want to get even with those who hurt your feelings or make you mad, but what does that do for your relationship? When the sun sets, wouldn't you rather snuggle up and watch it together than sulk in different rooms? There is never any point in leveling the playing field.
8. If it's not a deal-breaker, let it go. Sometimes all of us get mired in the petty things, when it is far better to roll with them. As you begin to partake in a petty argument, ask yourself whether what you're fighting over is something that could cause the demise of your relationship. If the answer is "no," then go with the flow.
9. Find another outlet for venting. Many petty arguments are a result of one person unloading on another because he/she has had a bad day. Take up boxing, swing that racket extra hard on the tennis court, get on the treadmill, run like Forrest Gump, but do not take out your bad day on your mate by picking a fight over nothing. Direct your frustration elsewhere.
10. Be prepared. If your mate gets lost every time he/she gets behind the wheel, find your destination in Yahoo! Local ahead of time. When your mate starts to complain that he/she cannot find the way, don't nag. Slide the directions over to your mate or read them off nicely.
11. Ply your sense of humor.
Nothing diffuses a petty argument faster than humor. Make light of the pettiness; you will find the absurdity of what you're fighting over amusing. Humor is essential in any relationship. But, don't use humor -- or what you perceive as humorous -- to de-value what your mate is feeling.

Arguing over petty matters can set the stage for chronic fighting, which is exhausting. That is not to suggest that you should roll over and go with the flow all of the time. Should you give up your "self" in the process of trying to appease your mate, you can easily create even greater damage to the relationship because resentments build up over time. If the petty arguments are chronic, talk them through, or get help from a professional who can help the two of you negotiate your differences. Too much arguing or too much resentment can lead to a breakup because most people will not stay in a relationship where there is constant discord. It is best to learn to delineate the trivial differences from the big ones so that you do not set the stage for letting your differences -- large or small -- split you apart.

Stacy D. Phillips is a certified family law specialist and author of "Divorce: It's All About Control -- How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars." Phillips represents many celebrities in film, television, music, sports, and politics.

F.E.A.R

2008-08-01T09:25:00.002+01:00

All the days of the desponding and afflicted are made evil by anxious thoughts and forebodings...Proverbs 15:15

Fear is one of the strongest emotions known to man.It can cripple any man's progress.The intent of fear is to make us believe something bad is going to happen, that even isn't a reality yet and how do they come...Your thoughts my friend...Your internal dialogue.
This emotion has crippled man's walk with God, destroyed relationships, and annihilated man's personal worth.

The only way to break free from fear and find freedom is to confront it head on(The answer to the question is in the question).Change your internal dialogue, locate the truth and renew ya (lol) mind.Live in the positive and set your mouth in motion..Life and death are in the power of the tongue...a man's moral self shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth, and with the consequence of his mouth, he will be satisfied..that's some resoundingly loud truth!

From henceforth, i stop expecting bad things happening to me,and consistently tell myself something good is gonna happen everyday.

uhmmm...

GOD's Got my weakness covered

2008-08-01T08:52:00.003+01:00

Yaayyy! ain't that something..now i don't have to go around feeling all guilty and condenmed.

Righteousness is tied to developing confidence in God, It is not a function of following a set of rules and regulations which leads to frustration, aggravation and disappointment.

Genuine righteousness can only be received as a gift from God through believing in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus.
Now that i am armed with this truth, I don't have to constantly try to do good just for the sake of measuring up and winning God's approval.I understand now that i should give myself room to be weak...(Sounds silly right!), but its the truth..i am but human.The truth lies in me being able to get up everyday to do the best i can.When i then make a mistake, I 'fess up to God and He'll take care of it.

The Bible says and i quote, When You and I..."Freely admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, God is faithful and just(true to His nature and promises), He will forgive our sins(dismiss our lawlessness) and (continously) cleanse us from all unrighteousness(everything not in conformity to His will in purpose,thought and action) - 1 John 1:9

Now abeg oh, i am not saying we take our sins lightly.That is far from the truth.We should have genuine sorrow over our sins, but not remain there.

God knew my weakness, He knew every mistake i was going to make before i made them, yet still approved of me...Reference - Jeremiah 1:5
Typo example, a pregnant woman knows before the baby is born that she's going to have a lot of dirty,stinking daipers to change,and clean a lot of mess the baby is going to make.Yet, she longs to see the baby brought forth in to the family and experience the joy that comes from watching the baby grow and mature. This is the same with our relationship with God. We are His.

The point being made here is that You and I are not a surprise to God.Our weakness undoubtedly understandable, He doesn't want us to be afraid or feel condemned by them.He wants our fault to motivate us to lean on Him for help and not putting confidence in our own ability to perform perfectly.

Indeed,He's got me covered, what about you?

A new month!

2008-08-01T08:30:00.002+01:00

Its a beautiful new month and what better way could one start the month with? Yeah man, am starting with G-O-D...Ya know...J-E-H-O-V-A-H.

It's an awesome priviledge to be among the beloved,I am so grateful for that.I woke up this morning feeling a whole lot richer than i was last night and why you might ask?, its simply because i can't help feeling confident of Life to be spent in eternity with Him because of His grace and mercy.

I am wishing you all a beautiful month filled with love, peace, joy, exceeding blessings, favor, protection and mercy.

Toodllooo

Getting Disappointed Sucks!

2008-07-28T10:32:00.003+01:00

A problem free life on earth is simply impossible.Life has its own fair share of worries, troubles and stress.There are times when your expectations from people and things are cut short.No wonder the "BIBLE" says in Jeremiah 17:5 and i quote " Cursed is the man that puts his trust in mortal man and turns his heart away from God..He is a like a stunted shrub in the desert, with no hope for the future...But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made Him his confidence..Its leaves stay green and goes right on producing all its luscious fruit.
I speak with respect to man, The heart is the most deceitful thing there is, and desperately wicked.No one can know how bad it is!Only the Lord knows!.....

Disappointments happens to everybody and most times we just can't figure out how to handle them.I was really disappointed over the weekend and so i decided to do this article.

While reading Dr.Phil's Love Smart..I realized i had two options in reacting to my disappointment.One was to to spend the entire weekend freaking out, or taking a few deep breaths, chilling out and shrugging it off as one of life's little mysteries. Your guess is a good as mine, is chose the second option, even though it didn't seem comfortable but for the sake of peace, i had to follow thru.

Most importantly, besides dealing with it this way,I learnt to turn over the pain to God.The truth is nothing happens outside his consent.He knows best and He can turn the disappointment to defining blessings.Pray about it and ask Him to take control.

I decided to quit worrying and being fearful.The goal of the above is to make me feel bad enough to quit trying in its entirety.

I decided to laugh.Laughter they say is good medicine for the soul.It is always advisable to laugh, why because tears will always prevent you from seeing possibilities.Decide to get around people who'd make you cheerful.

While doing the above, i decided to find out more on what i could do to get over the disappointing event, so i searched and this in addition to what's already been stated is what i got.

Sing: Yes you heard right. Sing. Nothing lifts disappointment or soothes a weary soul like good music. Drown the disappointment through singing or listening to some good music.

Go again. Don't quit: A lot of people fail because they quit. If you failed or were disappointed before, try again. If you were told no earlier, ask again. No is only one side of the coin. Flip it again and it might just turn out to be yes. You did not get it yesterday can actually turn out to become a “you got it today”. It does not take God 12 years to handle a 12 year old problem and it does not take God to handle a lifetime problem. There is no great man or woman that has not had to learn to handle disappointment on the way to success, achievement and greatness.

Don't stop believing in you and in God: Disappointment wants you to give up on God, you and your dreams. It knows very well that the only way it can stop you is to get you to stop. No one says you will not feel bad when you experience disappointment. We all face disappointment but do not dwell on yours or let them chart the course of your life or dreams. Despite what has happened believe that your dream is still possible. You can reach your original goal if you still want to.

Talk to you: There is power in words. There is power in confession. Talk to yourself. Tell yourself “I can make it”. Talk to you. Inspire yourself through self motivation. Encourage yourself even when no one does so. Declare and say “I know all things are working for my good because I love God”. Your words can make or unmake you. Speak the right words and the right stuff will happen to you.

Remember it takes guts to leave the ruts. Don't quit yet. Its too late to quit if you are a winner.

How to Land Your Man - Dr. Phil

2008-07-22T13:46:00.001+01:00

I just got a book called LOVE SMART, written by Dr. Phil Mcgraw.It's really, really interesting. I want to share this with you. ehn ehnn...here's the cover just in case u decide to go get it, got mine from Ceddi Plaza, Abuja....

Once you have done some soul-searching to figure out what you want in a future husband, it's time to actively search for Mr. Right. "Instead of viewing yourself as a hunter bounding toward the man of your dreams, shift your point of view and think of yourself as a magnet pulling him to you," Dr. Phil suggests. The best way to do this is with a strategy.

In Chapter Seven of his book Love Smart: Find the One You Want — Fix the One You Got, Dr. Phil offers the following tips for going out and finding Mr. Right.

Leave the house.
"The one" isn't going to come knocking on your door or appear on your couch. You have to get in the game and put yourself out there. Make an effort to see and be seen by as many qualified new guys as possible. "Dating is a numbers game," Dr. Phil says. "The more men you meet, the more likely you will find your special someone."

Visit target-rich environments.
In Chapter two you created a sketch of the The Character of Him. Think about where this type of guy would hang out — a target-rich environment — and go there. Some places Dr. Phil suggest going are: Church or temple, batting cages, sporting events, bars, music festivals, art galleries, parks, philanthropic group events, bookstores, coffee shops and hardware stores.

Get out of your comfort zone.
Vary the places you go to meet men so you can see new faces. "By now you should realize that your ordinary hangout isn't the place to meet extraordinary men," says Dr. Phil. Explore your passions and let these things become your social life. "Go to places you'd enjoy even if you weren't looking for the love of your life." This way, you will meet someone who has something in common with you. "As long as you're really into what you're doing, you're going to give off a cool, passionate vibe that makes you seem like the catch of the day," Dr. Phil says.

Mix up the people you go out with.
Don't always hang out with a pack of girlfriends — but for safety reasons, never go out alone either. "Guys are less likely to come over if they feel they've got an audience," Dr. Phil warns. "They don't want to get rejected in front of four or five staring women." Plus, if you are with a lot of friends, it's too easy not to meet new people.

It's also important to vary the people you go out with. "Often, different people bring out different aspects of our personalities," Dr. Phil shares. Going out with married friends and guy friends can make it seem like you are taken or don't want to be approached.

Have a strategy for meeting men at these new places.
This will ensure that you are not flustered when you see a man you want to approach. "If you know what to reveal about yourself or how to start the conversation, you'll come off confident and self-assured," Dr. Phil explains. You won't have to think of a plan while under pressure.

Learn about your audience.
Try to find out what the people you are going to be around are interested in. If you know that they are into something specific, you can brush up on some basics about that topic. You will then have something to talk about with them — comments to offer and questions to ask. "This isn't being fake. It's just a way to jump-start a conversation or feel comfortable taking part in one," Dr. Phil says.

Be prepared with your opening questions.
Usually the hardest part of meeting someone new is getting the conversation rolling. "One of the most important things I can tell you is that people truly love to be the focus of attention," Dr. Phil says. Come up with five to 10 questions to ask a man, and give him the attention he wants. It's important to listen to the answers when he is talking and ask follow-up questions. If you have these questions ready before you meet him, you won't feel pressure to think of a conversation topic, and you'll feel confident.

Here are some examples of basic questions to ask within the first 10 minutes of your encounter.

Icebreaking questions:
Do you love what you do for a living, or work to pay the bills?
What's your favorite book?
What do you like to do in your free time?
Which family member are you closest to?
What's the best vacation you've ever been on?

The deserted island questions:
If you were stranded on a deserted island, and you could have only three of your most prized possessions with you — and sunscreen — what or who would you have?
If you could plan a dinner party, who (alive or dead) would you invite to it?
If you could keep only one of your five senses, which one would it be and why?
If you won $10 million in the lottery, what would you do with the money?

Use your star power.
"The more generous you are about making other people feel like stars, the more star quality you yourself will possess," Dr. Phil says. Making people feel special is as easy as asking questions and really listening to the answers. "If everyone else in the room is saying, 'Me, me, me,' and you're saying, 'You, you, you,' you're the one who's going to get noticed."

Know your sound bite.

In Chapter five, Dr. Phil teaches women how to create their sound bite — an exciting description of themselves, focusing on their strongest attributes, using 20 words or less. Be prepared with a list of four or five things that you think people should know about you. Be positive and upbeat. Talking about things with pride, passion and optimism will draw others toward you.

Come up with your fillers.
Define four or five things you can talk about with anyone, anywhere. Be comfortable with the topics, and know them inside and out. "These can be saviors when you don't know what to say or when you hit a lull in conversation," Dr. Phil says. Some ideas of fillers are your hobbies, current events or vacation spots. Also, stay current on the latest news.

Act the part.
"What you say is only a portion of what attracts people to you," Dr. Phil explains. "The other part is all the nonverbal actions and mannerisms that speak volumes." To be successful in dating, you must exude confidence — in everything from your internal dialogue to the clothes you wear.

"Men fall in love with their eyes, so looking your best is a must," Dr. Phil suggests. But don't wear anything that you aren't comfortable in. It is also important to be aware of your body language. "No matter how confidently you're chatting away, if your body language says you're insecure, that's how you'll be perceived." Try not to twirl your hair or fidget, and don't stand too close or too far away from him. Make sure your body language is consistent with the image you want to present. Another important factor to consider is your placement in a room. You don't want to be huddled in a corner, but rather, try being in a heavily trafficked area where you will come in contact with many people.

Immerse yourself in conversation.
Stay focused and engaged by making eye contact. "There is something very disarming about a woman who will look you in the eye, hold a handshake a little longer, touch your arm to underscore a point she's making, or use your name midway through the conversation," Dr. Phil says. "If the man you're talking to feels accepted and liked by you, he is much more apt to like you in return." Realize that your voice and speech also have an effect.

To learn more, go to Chapter Seven in Love Smart: Find the One You Want — Fix the One You Got.

Getting Past a break up

2008-07-22T09:17:00.000+01:00

Getting over someone you once loved could be a daunting but doable task.You don't have to put your life on hold because someone decided to walk away from you.

You can get your love life back on track, it doesn't have to stay this way. Enlisted are three powerful remedies for getting past a break -up.

You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel.

Here they are:

STEP #1: RECOGNIZE WHAT WASN'T WORKING FOR YOU

So let me ask you.

Are you spending a lot of time thinking about all the ways you screwed up in your relationship with your boyfriend, but all the ways he was great?

Do you keep rehashing an argument, wondering if things would have been better if you said or did something different from the beginning with him, feeling guilty or bad that things moved "too fast" between you (and it scared him away)?
Do you daydream about all the ways he was special, and how you'll never find anyone who understands you quite the same way he did?
Romanticizing or re-hashing the past is a pretty common thing many women do when they break up with a man.

Big mistake.

Don't do this to yourself.

This is 100% sure to only make you feel MORE AWFUL, not to mention that it keeps you from focusing on what's most important to you right now.
And that is learning how to get what you want and how to have the kind of relationship you deserve in the FUTURE.
When you focus on your ex too much, and you spend your time "pining away" for a relationship, you miss out on a very important lesson.
You stop seeing all the ways that the relationship made life a ROLLER COASTER for you. You don't realize all the ways he wasn't right for you or made you feel less than your true self. You don't learn what it is your really want and need from a relationship in order to be fulfilled.
Let's face it, you were led down some very negative emotional paths by this guy, weren't you?
So, instead of thinking only of the "good times" and how much you miss him, consider all the things he did and said that made you feel insecure, anxious or frustrated - feelings that one way or another probably contributed to the end of the relationship.
Don't repeat those same mistakes in your next relationship.

STEP #2: STOP "LOSING YOURSELF" IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
You probably gave up a lot to be with your guy. You gave up time with your friends and family.
You gave up doing things you USED to love doing;
- Things like reading, exercising, going on hikes, visiting art shows, whatever. You gave it up in order to spend time with him. You gave it up to make him feel comfortable. You gave things up because the RELATIONSHIP seemed important, and you wanted it to work.
Sure, I get it. Many women feel like they need to give things up to keep a man happy and attracted.
But if you're using that excuse to stay emotionally attached to him, because you feel that you can't "get over him" easily since you gave up so much. Feel too depressed to go out with your friends or get back to the things that used to make you feel alive and happy, Refuse to "get back out there" and date someone new.
You're STILL giving up more of you and your happiness for his sake. Even though he's out of your life.
Have weeks, months or years gone by, and you're still in the same "sacrificing" place, putting your life on hold instead of realizing your own needs?
Snap out of it!
You are actually continuing the very thing that helped break your relationship apart, and made you feel unhappy and unfulfilled.

STEP #3: BE READY FOR LOVE WHEN IT FINDS YOU
When you end a relationship that felt like it had a lot of "promise" and connection, it's hard to believe you'll ever find love again, at least in quite the same way.
You might even vow not to date again for a LONG TIME, because you just don't want to get hurt again.
It can feel pretty safe to live inside the little "bubble" you make for yourself, just working on your career, spending time with friends, doing things that make you happy.
What do you need a man for anyway? (You think.)You put yourself and your love life in a “holding pattern” because you don’t want to let another man in or get close.You doesn’t want to be vulnerable. What's the point, if all that's going to happen is that you'll end up feeling more of the same, bad feelings you're trying to get over now - right?
Actually, no. I don't agree.
Because if you're honest with yourself, you'll realize that you don't want to shut yourself off from what can be the opportunity for an amazing, life-long experience.
That one great guy you're meant to be with could be out there right now. Unless you create the "space" for him in your life, you won't be ready for love when it finds you.
Ok, you may feel pretty in-control and safe right now, but are you LIVING? If you're not taking a risk, are you risking never feeling the LOVE and connection that could transform your life someday?
Nod your head right now if you feel even a GLIMMER of truth in what I'm saying.
And here's another common thing I hear from women who aren't ready to date again.
"There are no good men out there for me anyway. The ones I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me. Or they're taken."
I can see how you may feel that way if you're not sure how you're going to attract the RIGHT guy, or the type of guy you're into.
Plus, your recent experience with men has been, well, less than great.
Like when a guy comes on strong at first, then suddenly tells you he's "not ready" for anything serious, or isn't "into" monogamy or commitment.
No wonder you'd rather stick a twig in your eye than date again anytime soon.

The point is, you need to snap out of what you’re used to. There’s a great life awaiting you out there.

The opportunity is yours for the taking.

Keys to staying in a relationship

2008-07-21T17:20:00.000+01:00

I don't really know who said this but i quote...to thine own self be true..

Faith indeed comes by hearing and hearing by the word...i believe its continual hearing that makes the difference.

I have a confession to make...I have faltered too many times over this issues that i bring to the fore in my articles. I haven't had great relationships myself, sometimes i actually forget the things i say and do the opposite. But guess what everything i have written down here are testimonies to the things i continously and consciously strive to do in my relationships which i guarantee would work for you.

Everybody wants to go to heaven but we all don't want to die.This applies as well in its entirety to wanting to have a lasting relationship.There are ground rules, attributes, characters and behaviours that need to be cultivated and worked upon to achieving the set goal and until we get a grip of these things, chances are we would keep on failing in our relationships, even when our partners and spouse(s) really love and care about us, we might choke them of the love they have for us.

Enlisted below are a few pointers to having a great and lasting relationship, its something you know but are somehow just forgetting and neglecting...try them and lets see..

- If you are immature, please grow up.

- If you are selfish, get over it.

- If you are impatient, learn being resolute and calm.

- If you don't have a sense of humor, get one.

- If you're always anxious, relax

-If you're too serious, loosen up, learn spontaneity.

-If you're too demanding, soften your approach

-If you are jealous, develop trust.

-If you enjoy holding a grudge, let it go

- If you are controlling, learn equality

- If you're not trustworthy, develop honesty

- If you're too submissive, learn to assert yourself

- If you're rigid, learn flexibility

- If you're unforgiving, let it go

-If you're arrogant, learn humility

- If you're argumentative, learn to listen.

-If you're boring, enlighten yourself.

Relationships are institutions, we just simply have to go through them.They help mould our lives.It's a place of learning.

Strive to know yourself, find your centre and be the best you can be. Remember, every thing, and i include, every relationship, is for a purpose.It's advisable to make the best of whatever you're in right now.

toooodddlllllllllllllllllooooo.

Love Never dies a natural death

2008-07-21T17:09:00.000+01:00

I quote an unknown author

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

Getting him to love you back -Christian Carter (Part 2)

2008-07-21T16:16:00.000+01:00

If you've not read the part one, please do....

Step #2: Invite Love, Don't Demand It

Have you felt hurt or angry at your man and
found yourself saying a whole bunch of things
that started with: "I need. I want. I deserve.
You should. You need to. You'd better"?

If those phrases sound familiar to you, that's
because you were talking from the space of
ENTITLEMENT.

Meaning, you felt like you were "entitled" or
deserved to have your man do or say something to
make you feel better about yourself or the
relationship.

You can have very good reasons for feeling
this way.

Maybe you feel like you've been doing all the
WORK in the relationship, and all the sharing,
while all he's done is get distant or confuse you
with what he says and does.

Maybe you've been doing your best to make him
happy and you've been withholding how you REALLY
feel because you don't want to hurt him or start
a fight.

So you feel stifled and powerless in the
relationship.

After doing that sort of thing long enough,
it's no wonder you feel like you DESERVE and NEED
to get the love, respect and consideration back
that you've put in.

And yeah, you do deserve all those things.

It doesn't make much sense to you that he
doesn't see or realize how hard you've been
working to make things right between you.

But in a man's mind, when he sees you shutting
down, pushing him away, and then he hears you
telling him how he needs to be doing this, or how
he'd better do that, it doesn't make much sense
to him, either.

When you're feeling hurt and start telling him,
"You should" or "You really need to", you'll
likely not get the kind of reaction you're
expecting.

Instead of seeing how you feel, a man will
simply SHUT DOWN and back even further away from
you.

A man has to have HIS OWN REASONS for wanting
to do all the things that make you happy and keep
your relationship strong.

You can never, ever, ever tell a man how to
feel or act - just as a man should never do this
with you.

But you can INSPIRE a man, and you can share
what it is that you like, love and want.

And therein lies the secret of having a
relationship where the man in your life is
irresistibly attracted and devoted to you.

Fortunately, there's a way to ask for what
you need that will have him WANTING to give you
more.

This way is not about ENTITLEMENT, blaming or
demands...

But by INVITING him, by opening up and making
it very easy for him to give you want you want.
(Men love nothing more than feeling like it's easy
for them to make you happy as a woman- but only
when they feel like it's THEIR CHOICE.)

Wow. Sounds complicated and like it's too much
work.

Wrong.

It's dumb-easy once you know how.

You can start to create these powerful shifts
in the way your man responds to you simply by
changing the way you phrase things.

Instead of saying, "I need you to..."

You can say, "It would really make me feel
loved if you were to..."

I can't tell you how much most women resist
doing this because they think it's silly. but when
they finally speak the words they work like MAGIC.

Try it.

Here's another.

Instead of telling him, "You should really need
to (do this or that)"...

You can invite him by saying, "It would really
make me happy if you would (doing this or that)."

It doesn't take much to shift your energy and
become more inviting and therefore INSPIRE your
man to want to give you more of what you want and
need.

If you're not convinced, think back to a time
when you felt hurt or angry and you closed off to
your man. You blamed him. You didn't talk to him
for hours or days. You criticized and demanded.

How did he respond?

Did he become more generous and tender with
you?

Or did he become defensive or distant?

I think you'll realize that the energy you
bring to your relationship has a HUGE effect on
what you get out of it.

Some hard knock shey!but am certain its good too and it would ceratinly help.
You want to visit Christain Carter, yeap!...go to

http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/RelationshipTurnAround

You'll find help there!!!!!!

2 Steps in getting Him back in Love with you by Christian Carter

2008-07-21T15:50:00.000+01:00

Several days a week, i get very helpful mails from a couple of relationship and counselling advisers. Today, I had some things i wanted to post but i kept on getting a nudge to check one of my google accounts...i did and i found this mail waiting...The thing is, you might be at cross roads in your relationship, you want to rekindle the flames of passion you once had..i would if i really loved the man....and you're looking for anyway possible to do it...Then am guessing this would certaily help out....

Here's a picture of Reknowned counsellor, Christian Carter...He's got a best selling book called Catch Him and Keep Him...lol..sounds funny but helpful.Below is what i learnt today..thot to share, there's love in sharing.

Step #1: Shifting From Blaming & Criticism to
Vulnerability

A man doesn't want a woman who's upset,
irritable, and hard to be close to.

In fact, that's the last thing most men want,
and the first reason most men start thinking about
leaving a relationship with a woman they used to
love.

"But most women don't become hard-edged, annoyed
and worn down by their man and relationship on
purpose"

They stop getting what they want, and so they
start to build WALLS and shut down the part of
them that was VULNERABLE and that a man could love
in the first place.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Think back to the last time you were in a
fight with your man or he did or said something
that really got under your skin?

How did you react?

Did you feel yourself tighten and become
disconnected from him emotionally?

Was it difficult to open up and really LISTEN
to what he had to say because all you could think
about was how wrong he was?

I get it.

When you're feeling resentful or disconnected
from a man because he's hurt you, the LAST thing
you want to do is to become softer, more
vulnerable or accepting of the love and attention
he wants to give you.

That's because when your man has let you down
in some way, your normal reaction is to PUSH HIM
AWAY.

You do that because you want him to know and
to FEEL how much you're hurting, and you want him
to see you and love you.

But instead of loving him to get you to love
you back, you do things like:

-Criticize him
-Pretend like nothing is wrong and withdraw
-Get angry at little things he says
-Withhold your love, affection, and sex
-Give him the "silent treatment"

But if it's MORE that you want, why is it so
often that you find yourself giving LESS?

For most women, this happens because they
already feel like they are giving too much of
themselves.

And that they're the only one giving, or
they're just not getting much if anything back
for all that they do for their guy.

Sound familiar?

You start to think that everything you're
doing for the relationship is a chore, or just
plain hard work, and you let him know in
obvious (and not so obvious) ways.

You start to see not just the thing he did
that upset you--but ALL the ways he upsets you
or irritates you.

So all the little things he does that were just
little annoying "quirks" before become one of the
many major reasons why things just aren't
"working."

One thing sets it off, but now he can't do
ANYTHING right in your eyes.

But here's the result of going down those paths
- they never get you the solution you're REALLY
looking for, or get you what you really want and
need from your man.

Which is - more love and affection. More
understanding. More connection.

There's a better way.

What if, instead of shutting down and
becoming blaming and critical of him, you OPENED
UP and shifted out of and away from the things
that weren't working?

What if instead of intellectually thinking
about how wrong he is, and how justified YOU are
in what you did or said, you could just stop and
get in touch with what you're feeling, and what
you really want?

Do you think your guy would respond
differently?

Do you think it would have an impact on your
relationship?

You bet it would.

But of course all this is easier said than done
IN THE MOMENT.

In fact, being able to open and love MORE in
the tough times when you feel like your
relationship is giving you LESS is hard.

When someone hurts or upsets you, and you feel
unappreciated or unloved, the last thing you want
to do is sit around and figure out why you're
feeling the way you do, and look at what else you
can do to make things better.

Instead, you want HIM to get with it and start
giving to you the way you've been giving to him.

But with this feeling you often want to try and
fix things right away, you RESIST the hard
feelings that come up inside you and, instead,
push them OUTWARDS at him.

This is when you get into "blaming",
"criticizing" or "needy" mode, which sometimes
makes you feel a tiny bit better...but only for a
little while until you see that your guy only
pulls farther away afterwards.

It doesn't take a psychologist to see that this
is NOT a great strategy for inspiring your guy,
for finding more love and happiness, and for
building a lasting long-term relationship.

So how do you get out of a destructive and
dead-end pattern?

It's often the things we don't think to try
that, when we finally give them a chance, create
amazing results in our lives.

And that means trying something that feels very
COUNTERINTUITIVE.

That means stepping out of your comfort zone
and doing something different than what feels
"normal" and "obvious" in order to change the
outcome.

Here's what I'm getting at.

When you find yourself in that place where you
begin to tighten up and resist because your
emotions and frustrations are welling up inside
you, instead of trying to quickly feel better and
ignore or hiding those feelings, give yourself some
space.

Try feeling it MORE.

That's right - really get deep into what you're
feeling and find the words to describe it.

Take a minute to let yourself become aware of
WHERE these feelings are really coming from.

Then, once you've had a tiny bit of time to
feel it and understand it a little bit for
yourself, you can share what you're feeling with
your man.

Not only will you start to learn and grow by
leaps and bounds in your own heart and mind with
this simple exercise...

But your relationship will suddenly start to
look and feel differently to you, as your man will
react differently to you and stay closer and more
open to you and what you're going through.

In other words, by giving yourself space to
feel what you feel, you also make space for your
real feelings in your relationship and to be felt
and more understood by your man.

And it's these moments that create that
intense, deep CONNECTION and love that is what a
relationship is all about.

Let me ask you:

When was the last time you had the experience
of a really intense pain or emotion you felt being
taken in and understood and talked through with
you by your man?

When was the last time your man said, "Wow, I
didn't know you felt that way. I'm sorry. Is there
anything I can do"?

If you're like some women I've talked to and
helped over the years, then it's been way, way too
long since you've felt emotionally supported and
heard by a man in this way.

Instead, they seem to react with withdrawal,
irritation, anger or frustration each time you
tell them how you're feeling.

And it's only making you more frustrated.

It's time you feel more supported, and your man
starts being this way with you on a regular basis.

Which leads you to something important here -
a CHOICE.

You have a choice about how you're going to
keep on handling your own feelings and emotions in
your relationship.

And you have a choice in how your feelings are
going to shape your experience and your
relationship.

You can keep doing what you've been doing and
hope that it starts to work once a man finally
figures it out and gets with it.

Or...

You can try something you might not have
thought to try before -

Which is actually opening and sharing more of
your deeper FEELINGS, instead of your busy
THOUGHTS.

If you try the new way I'm going to show you,
then get ready to watch as you get a different
outcome and response from your man that you
might have not thought possible from around your
feelings.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking
about:

Let's say you notice that your guy has a
wandering eye, and it upsets you.

Should you say something?

Should you stay quiet and try to not let it
bother you because "men are men"?

The key here is respecting yourself, your true
emotions, and sharing what you're feeling, not
what you're THINKING.

Otherwise, you'll not only put more distance
between you and your man...

But he probably won't know why you're upset and
he'll eventually feel irritated that you're
unhappy for some unknown reason.

So if it's your true feelings that are
important, what do you say?

THINKING Statement:

"You must not be attracted to me anymore since you
obviously want other women."

Wrong. This is sure to only create a new
problem that probably isn't about what's really
going on in the first place.

FEELING Statement:

"I feel really scared and gross when you look at
or flirt with other women in front of me."

What's going on here, and what's the
difference?

You're talking about the same thing, but being
open and honest enough to stick to your FEELINGS
about what's happening, instead of moving to
judgment, is what makes all the difference with a
man and making sure he listens and opens up to you
in return.

Let's try another example.

Let's say your guy doesn't call and he's 30
minutes late to meet you or pick you up.

How could he do that and not call?

If he had just called, it wouldn't have been a
big deal.

Why didn't he?

THINKING Statement:

"You're either dumb or insane if you think you
can show up here 30 minutes late and not call and
I won't be angry at you. What's your problem?"

FEELING Statement:

"I feel upset and confused because I don't
understand why you didn't call."

Do you see how the two feel very different?

One feels very offensive, blaming, and
antagonistic. It actually raises the level of
conflict, and creates tension and distance.

The other one is an "opening" kind of question
that actually allows for truth, honesty and
promotes answers and understanding.

Oh, and which one do you think a man will
respond better to?

Your thinking statements, or your feeling ones?

I can practically guarantee you that a man will
either shut down and feel annoyed or withdraw from
you, or escalate things and get into an argument
with you and not give you any understanding if you
used the thinking statements in the above
situation.

But if you used the FEELING statements above,
and you left space after them for your guy to say
something...

Very quickly he'd start to listen, explain
himself, and either apologize or give you the
understanding and respect you just wanted in the
first place.

But here's a catch, and where most women mess
this up even though they start out with their
FEELINGS:

Once you open up and admit your true feelings,
you can't keep going on and on about it.

You have to allow time for a man to process
what you just said, and not "rush" things just
because you feel uncomfortable and want him to
hear you and say something immediately.

Most men - about 99.9% of them - do NOT move
this fast from one emotion to the next.

So when you try and take them with you on that
ride, things will just turn ugly.

This is just a small part of some of the
secrets to inspiring a man to be an open and
endlessly understanding partner to you.

I'll post the second part...later

Men!What are they thinking - Frequently asked questions from Oprah.com/omagazine

2008-07-21T14:43:00.000+01:00

Why Don't You Notice My Hair? and Other Frequently Asked Questions
by David Granger
Why do you get so angry when some jamoke cuts you off in traffic?Two things. Testosterone is one. The automobile is the other. See, we have this fight-or-flight thing programmed into our DNA, and when another male of the species challenges us, we are coded to get our hackles up. Add to that the fact that from the moment we got our driver's license, the automobile has been the extension of our sense of both power and freedom, and you have a perfect storm of nature and nurture creating a hostile response to a challenge to the things that make us a man.

That said, we know we need to just calm down. One thing that would help is if you would just rub the back of our head and mutter "bastard" under your breath in sympathy.

You know when you just sit there with a scowl on your face, not saying anything? What is that about?
Generally, it's not about you. We tend to take everything personally, and we tend to anticipate not what can go right but what will inevitably go wrong. So, whether it's something complicated at work or getting that stinking sliding door to roll right, we're consumed with the obstacles in our path toward success.

Is everything really about sex?
Well, no. I mean, yes. Sex is one of the reasons we're together, you and us. There was something about you the first time we saw you that made our heart sing. If we're lucky, it's still there every time we see you. Plus, is there anything more affirming, more life affirming and satisfying than sex? Essentially, we don't see the downside. So the answer is no, not everything. And the answer is yes, a part of everything is, if we're both lucky, about sex.

What do men talk about?
Usually, we talk about what we're engaged in at that moment. Or we're telling each other stories of embarrassment or triumph. We grew up telling each other stories, and we'll never stop. We don't tell each other jokes. The topic of our conversation rarely matters, and we probably won't remember what we were talking about later when you ask. The only time we really talk seriously with each other is when we fear we might be failing. But that's rare, and it usually passes quickly. Which is why we didn't mention it.

We can't believe you didn't notice our hair.
Yeah, well. That might just be something you will have to learn to live with.

You don't seem to like it when we tell you what to do.
Oh, you noticed. Look, we tend to see ourselves as the initiators of action. If we know what needs to be done, usually we'll get it done. In fact, we take joy in accomplishing things. Let's compromise. Just stick a list somewhere of things that need to be done. Don't put our name on it. It's just a list of tasks. We like tasks. We like doing them. We like finishing them. But we like it best when it was our idea to do them.

What do you like most about us?
Oh, Jesus. We love it when you sit down on the side of the bed and kiss us for no reason. We can't get over that. We love it when you ask us for advice on something that really matters to you. We love the way you smell. We love the way you smell right after you finish exercising. We love the way you look just before you wake up in the morning. We love it when you argue with us about something—movies, sports, politics—that really doesn't matter. We love the way you will fill a silence at a dinner party, and we love the way you give us guidance when it comes to our mothers. We love the way you look when you're half-dressed or half-undressed. We love your certainty, even when you're sure we're wrong.

And we love your hair.

Men!What are they thinking

2008-07-21T14:22:00.000+01:00

What Men Aren't Telling Us

by Chris Abani

That women are mysterious and unknowable is something every young man grows up believing. Men, on the other hand, never think of themselves as mysterious or confusing, and we are often at a loss as to why women want to figure us out. But since you asked:

When you say we don't really talk to you or reveal ourselves to you, we wish you knew just how much we have had to suppress about our desires, pains, fears, and vulnerability over the years to conform to the script of masculinity that we are given. Sometimes we don't open up because we are afraid of what we will find. We are also afraid that if you see who we really are, in all our flawed humanity (and not the flaws that annoy you, like being untidy or driving fast), you won't like us.

Men do communicate, often very directly, but women sometimes cannot accept how simple what we have to say is. We seldom play games—we aren't that sophisticated. If we don't call you for a couple of days after a date, it is because either we are afraid you will think we are stalkers (and we will call on day three) or we aren't into you. That's all there is.

We are as nervous as you are about sex; I don't care what you've heard. Your anatomy is a mystery that nobody bothers explaining to us. Even when we think we have mastered one woman's body, every body is different. We feel inadequate if we can't satisfy you in bed, and since no one has told us what to do with feelings of inadequacy, we project them onto you. Sad but true.

We are very insecure about how we look and what you really think about us, and we are excited when you do small, nice things for us like make coffee or come with us to the barber or just buy us a good book. We've been trained never to show this side to you, but it is there.

We are not subtle creatures. You might think that when you play with your hair in our presence, we know that means you like us. We don't know for sure. Men who do are bad men (sorry, guys!). And anything you've been told about playing hard to get is wrong.

We crave cuddling and hand-holding, maybe even more than you do.

We are desperate to please you because we know you are far sexier and more beautiful than you will ever admit to yourself, and we're confused (but extremely happy) as to why you like us.

Here's the thing: You rescue us every day in small, quiet ways, so why not in this way? Let us into your mystery, tell us how you would like to be loved, show us how to see you, really see you.

P.S, I got this article from my woman of all times...Oprah winfrey....from
www.oprah.com/omagazine. I figured it would help somehow.

toooodlooooo...

Men and Commitments

2008-07-16T16:16:00.000+01:00

Love is never rushed and so is making a long term commitment.Acts of neediness, pleas are never sufficient to make any man commit to you. Be as it may, you will only be successfully pushing him away.

The key is never to rush them!

Go through this and your man might have reasons to commit to you long term.

-Friendship
This is very important for men because he wants to be assured that he will be enjoying everytime spent with you doing fun things.

-Bonding
Sharing a bond is something that a man and woman must have in a relationship. Having a special bond is a big factor when a man is trying to decide if he should commit or not.

-Feelings
Another thing that would make a man commit to you is the feelings he has for you.When a guy is looking for a girl to settle down with, he will know whether she is THE ONE for him.
The feeling is automatic for him because of the way he feels around her. It is not just a feeling of sexual gratification, but a great feeling and one that certainly makes his heart happy.

-Communication
No one wants to commit to someone who barely listens to you. He wants to know you're on the same page as he. If he's comfortable sharing, its a good indication that things are going the way they should.

-Laughter is the best medicine
Everyone wants to have fun in his or her relationship.We all want to have good laughs and have a good time doing things that make us happy.
Make sure you're doing things that both of you like.It will definately make things a lot easier to get along with each other and get him to commit to you for sure.

-Space and Timing
Commiting for long term purposes requires patience and good timing.It is important you give your partner space, it makes love grow in relationships and as regards timing, a man wants to get to know you before committing.

Go get that ring!!

Dating Clingy, Needy Nelly

2008-07-16T15:45:00.000+01:00

If you find yourself in relationship(s) and you're consistently thinking....

- They don't care about me

-They never listen

-Their work/friends/hobbies are more important to them than me

-They don't think this is as important as I do

Then am guessing you need to read this!

When you talk to a person with confidence, they will only be much more attracted to you than when you communicate neediness, fear and anxiety.

The truth is that potential partners aren't attracted to people who are eternally letting their emotions control their actions.

Dating is about having fun, not taking on the problems of others or making them feel responsible for you.If you're being weighed down by someone so early on, what is the long term going to be like?

Needy people frequently use words like "always" and "never". They assume that because someone does a certain thing, they have different motives than they would in the same situation. - For example, if someone's late, they are automatically doing it on purpose, rather than getting stuck in traffic or a million other things, and this leads to unnecessary drama and conflicts.

Overly needy people have trouble being fun and playful.People generally have a hard time committing to people who act emotionally dependent.

The point here is that if you allow yourself to become too emotional and fearful in situations with a partner, your behaviour will act against you and not for you.

You have to get a grip, be prepared for explosive situations in relationships.You need to think before you act or speak.Try being calm.

The more you practice this, the easier and more natural things will become.

Where's my man?

2008-07-16T14:06:00.000+01:00

I got thinking, everybody seems to be getting hitched. Why on earth am i still single and unattached. I dread celebrating my birthdays now (eeeewoooo!). So i got thinking...Is it true that all the "good men are taken", "Men are dogs", "Men aren't attracted to me".

Are the men the problem or are we the problem? Maybe this could help..let's see!

The truth is a man simply wants to be a man. He wants to be the person who does the asking, chasing and pursuing of the woman.Some of us like to do the pursuing and this in itself is entirely wrong.

Shey, You're looking for your man ba!, besides what i stated above you might want to also do the following which i learnt myself by the way when you are getting to know a potential bloke or better still trying to get his attention.

- Change your thoughts
Get rid of the regular mindset you have about men.You need to start loving men and by the way, not just the good looking ones.Men are irresistably imperfect and full of contradictions - you've just got to love that about them. The truth is that they are just about as sensitive as well and would like to become a part of the mysterious woman's world.

-Smile
Smile! A man will not know you are interested if you don't show him some form of interest.There are some men that are not naturally inclined to talk to you or ask for a date if there isn't a little action on your part.The Smile is to make him comfortable enough to approach you.Remember, men are just as sensitive and won't want to approach a grouch!...ouch i know that hurts...it will help...The key to meeting men and allowing them notice you in a good way is to be genuinely friendly and fun.When you do this you radiate warmth and exert a positive energy.

- Do your best to Improve your Physical Appearance
Men are visual, so you've got to be on top of your game here.You've got to look your best on all occasions. Some make up could be really helpful, make it light...you don't have to look like a clown to get noticed...Try finding clothes that fit your body best, makes you feel comfortable and look good, you don't have to squeeze yourself into things that end up making you look ridiculous.Flattering is the key word here.Keep yourself smelling good....smelling like nothing or worse like something horrible is a no no.

- Improve your body language and eye contact skills
Every woman has got to have a good grip on this subject.If you're trying to woo or get a man's attention, you want to appear as feminine as possible.Try walking differently for starters. Walk smoothly, sensually and non - threateningly.If you have to practice go ahead, there's no harm at all. Your stand and posture is just about as important too, standing akimbo gives off aggression, folding your arms tells him you're too serious, but ladies, standing with a tilt with your hands on your waist is believe me a good stand ( sexy and sensual)...try it and tell me the result..lollll...
When talking try making eye contacts.The truth about what you're saying is usually reflected through your eyes.

- Laugh at his Jokes
Guys love girls that make them feel confident and secure.If he's humoring you, it's probably a sign he enjoys your company. Take advantage of the victory by praising his humour with a good natured chuckle.

- Keep your distance
If he sees you too often, he'll start taking you for granted.If you've succeeded far enough with the above stated...you might want to consider keeping him curious and interested by not showing up too much.Keep your interactions sacred by limiting communication...Be careful though...Don't disappear all together or you'll make him think he's not needed.

When you put all this together, you will be amazed at how easy it is to attract and meet men.You become intriguing!There are plenty of single and available men out there.So what are you waiting for?

DATING THE MARRIED FOLKS

2008-07-15T14:21:00.001+01:00

This article floored me...All i could mutter was yikes!!! when i read the following.
Please join me, you can never tell what you'll learn from this.... I am reserving my comments till the end of this real life tales several women and men brought to the fore...

#1. Trouble says -" I met this woman recently and we hit it off from the start.I tried my best not to mention my marital status but she asked and i had to tell her!That didn't change anything for us though!Things became hotter!We see each other only on saturdays and wow...sparks fly and the sex is out of the world!I have fallen for her big time...but recently I found out she was also married!What a tangled web we weave!Now we are too deep into each other but this is so wrong at so many levels!I keep having second thoughts but as soon as I call her or text her, things get started again!How do I stop this madness????"

#2.What was i thinking says -"I am dating a married man.We Knew each other a long time ago and just picked up where we left off by accident.He swears that he will get a divorce but is concerned about his kids.He takes me on work trips and meets me as much as he can.I love Him and he says he loves me.For the first time i felt ashamed yesterday, when we arrived at the airport and had to seperate before baggage claim so he could meet his family.I was mortified.This is the loneliest relationship I have ever been in."

#3.Been There says -I just got out of a relationship with a married man.Honestly, it was the worst thing i've ever done.He started with Love words too, He gave me nothing but letdowns, disappointments, broken promises, stood me up, made plans that never materialized, etc....Then,if that wasn't enough, you would think that His wife and I was enough! We weren't....He was seeing other people too.Lying, Cheating man all the way!I'm sorry i fell for Him, I'm sorry I ever went to meet him that first time.It's a lonely, lonely road to travel, girls. You're gonna get sucked in and when he leaves you, he's going back to his bed that he shares with his wife, the house he shares with her, his life he shares with her, and their kids.
So, really, really think about it.It isn't worth the heartache and pain.

#4. Confused Bloke says -I've been married about 10 years now and not happy at all.Things are going from bad to worse at home, then out of the blue I met this really attractive young lady at my workplace recently! I got her number and we call and text each other constantly.Our relationship is heating up and moving fast and our first kiss was so magical! At first my attraction to her was purely physical and i love everything about her: her hair, nails, clothes, the way she walks and talks, etc.but as i got to know her intimately I love her as a person and i want so much more of her!I feel depressed sometimes when i think about the people I've hurt and sometimes I wish she can meet someone who can give her 110%.I pray for their forgiveness but i am so in love with her that I can't let her go! She is everything that a man can want and more!I need some advice on how to break off this relationship as gently as possible.

#5. Frustrated says -" I've been seeing a married man for about 8 months.Its honestly the best sex i've ever had in my life that's why i can't stop. I love spending time with him, i'm so happy in some sick way. I wish he could admit he has feelings for me but he never would.I'm so tired of waiting around and always wondering what he's doing or even if he's seeing other girls!Its so wrong but i can't let go. I know deep down what i have to do but the words just don't come out when i want them too".

#6.Relieved says -" I am fresh out a relationship with a married man and I feel good, better than i've felt in months.It feels good to leave while he begs me to come back.I still have my dignity which you'll no doubt lose if you cling to their empty promises.His wife may not be good in bed, may not show him much affection, but they have history and if applicable, children together.
You're worth more than second best, which is exactly what we are when we stay in a relationship with a married man.Don't be the side dish, a good man who'll love you may be passing by.No matter how much he says he loves you, the fact of the matter is that he's going home to lie in her bed after you've given him your body..and he'll too possible be doing what you just did with her.It's nothing but sex and empty promises.No matter what he says you are being USED.

#7.Don't do it says- I started dating a married man seven months ago.Its all fun and games till you're sitting at home by yourself on christmas and easter sunday.Talk about a lesson in humility.There's nothing like spending all the major holidays and weekends by yourself while he has his cake and eats it too.Why is it that i should be so darn appreciative that he makes so much time for me. "Makes Time", are you serious? a man should WANT to be with a woman not have to " make time", for her as if she is some tedious, pain in the ass task.Cheating married and seperated men make me sick.

#8.Laurie says - I am in a relationship with a married man and it is the worst thing I ever did. I will never do this again.They cheat on their wife and they will cheat on you. Please never stoop so low because that is how you will feel after time.

#9. Screaming Inside says - "There is no such thing as an emotionless relationship no matter how you stack your cards..I've been in a relationship with a married man for 8 years..Get out while you can, it will never end in your favor.

#10. Can't let go says - I've been with my MM about a year or so and let me say that i have never felt so happy in my entire life! He shows me such a great time that I don't think anyone else can compare to him! At the same time I have never felt so lonely!!! I wish i can be with him constantly and he is all i think of!!!I know this sounds like obsession but its love!!!The most difficult thing i have ever done is trying to break up with him!!!Things didn't go well at all and now i miss him like crazy!!!.

#11. Shouldn't have says - I am currently in a relationship with a married man.It's not a good relationship.We have been dating and having great sex for a year. He and I work together.It is very hard on me and very hard to end.We work very closely and nearly spend all our time together. He is a great guy and i would like to find someone like him in the future (minus the wife). I'm trying to be strong and get out of this relationship but it is very, very hard. He has no plans of leaving his wife and i know this can only end badly. My advice to all women out there..don't get involved with a married man..it's too complicated and only hurts your heart.There are plenty single guys out there, i'm going to get me one.

I am giving a big sigh here...love shouldn't hurt..but it seems everyone here is hurting badly...yeah yeah..you want to blame them...go on, remember never judge this could have been you.

The list of stories go on..its a long list...i only took a few from it....but if you're interested in searching or reading more, you are very free to go to www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum.....

I won't comment, i'll just tell you what i learnt....Dating a married man is having great sex relished with great amounts of loneliness, depression and hurt. You are simply just a distraction, something different, someone to boost his ego and placate his wandering lust,His sexual variety. He's going to get tired and move on to the next game..you're cheating with him, he going to cheat on you...(heartbreaking) but true.Its a waste of time....months and years invested in a dead route.Endless lies, deception and worries.

Thinking about it, the list is simply endless.....

But remember and keep this in perspective, you chose to be in this situation, you can remove yourself if you so desire and when you desire.

Exciting Job Offers!!!!

2008-07-15T14:12:00.000+01:00

A leading provider of services and solutions in Information Technology seeks to recruit bright, highly skilled professionals to join their team.

They are therefore recruiting professionals to fill the following positions:

I. HEAD OF BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT
The Head of Business Development will be responsible for the Sales and Marketing functions.

Responsibilities Include:
Close sales deals
Develop, manage and motivate the sales team to achieve sales targets.
Maintain relationships with key accounts.

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Minimum of 7 (seven) years experience in selling; must have managed a sales team for a minimum of 3 years out of the seven years of active sales experience.
A first degree
MBA is desirable but not compulsory
Must be target driven and confident
Must be able to formulate and implement robust business strategies.

How to apply
Send resume / cv to ap2@kimberly-ryan.net and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.

II. ACCOUNT MANAGER – CISCO

Responsibilities Include:
Sell solutions around Cisco Technologies.

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Prior experience with Cisco Technologies.
Must have passed Cisco Certification Exams.
A first degree.
Experience in solution selling.

How to apply
Send resume / cv to ap2@kimberly-ryan.net and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.

III. ACCOUNT MANAGER – TRAINING
The Account Manager – Training is required to position and sell learning solutions.

Responsibilities Include:
Selling learning solutions

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Minimum of 3 (three) experience in selling
A first degree
Must be target driven and confident
Knowledge of IT Industry is an advantage
Prior knowledge in training is an advantage

How to apply
Send resume / cv to ap2@kimberly-ryan.net and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.

IV. TRAINING AND IMPLEMENTATION ENGINEERS
The Training and Implementation Engineers are required to deliver training on advanced Microsoft solutions.

Responsibilities Include:
Deliver trainings on advanced Microsoft solutions i.e. Exchange/SQL/Sharepoint.

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Minimum of 4 (four) years industry or training experience.
A first degree
Must have good customer service orientation
Must be target driven and confident

How to apply
Send resume / cv to ap2@kimberly-ryan.net and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.

V. HR MANAGER
The Human Resources Manager will be responsible for managing the HR Function.

Responsibilities Include:
Formulating and implementing HR Strategy
Recruit and Selection
Manage staff
Design and administer Compensation and Benefits
Staff Welfare
Staff Disciplinary
HR and Company Policies
Oversee Admin Functions.
Manage staff exit processes
Design and Maintain Performance Management framework

Education, Experience and Skill Requirements Include:
Minimum of 4 (four) years experience in Human Resources.
A first degree

How to apply
Send resume / cv to ap2@kimberly-ryan.net and state the position
you are applying for in the subject.

Jobs at Globacom

Marketing Manager
Minimum of Bachelor's degree in Business Administration and other relevant discipline; MBA or other relevant post graduate qualifications and training will be an advantage; Minimum of 8 years cognate experience in business planning environment out of which 2 years must be in the telecoms industry

MARKETING COMMUNICATIONS
e-mail to communication.job@gloworld.com

Branding Executive Ref: BE
Minimum of Bachelor's degree in Social Science, Arts, and other relevant disciplines; Relevant post graduate degree and/or professional qualifications will be an advantage; Minimum of 2 years cognate experience in sales branding; experience in branding sales channel and various route to market

Branding Manager Ref: BM
Minimum of Bachelor's degree in Social science, Arts and other relevant disciplines; Relevant post graduate degree and/or professional qualifications will be an advantage; Minimum of 5 years cognate experience in brand management; broad experience in sponsorship and events

Events & Sponsorship Manager Ref: ESM
Minimum of Bachelor's degree in Social Science. Arts and other relevant disciplines; Relevant post graduate degree and/or professional qualifications will be an advantage; Minimum of 5 years cognate experience in events organization and management; broad experience in sponsorship and events

Human Resources
e-mail to human.job@gloworld.com

Human Resources Manager
Minimum of a Bachelor's degree; Masters degree will be an added advantage; Minimum of 10 years cognate experience; Experience in Telecommunications industry will be an advantage

Administration & Fleet Manager
Minimum of a Bachelor's degree; Masters degree will be an added advantage; Minimum of 8 years cognate experience; Experience in Telecommunications industry will be an advantage

Head PABX Ref: HPBX
Minimum of Bachelor's degree with Second Class Upper in Computer Engineering, Electronics and other relevant disciplines; Relevant post graduate degree and/or professional qualifications will be an advantage; Minimum of 5 years cognate experience in a telecoms company; PABX links to various Customer care applications; Oracle RDBMS, P-Account (Account), Web server, UNIX, LAN, MS Office; Experience in LAN/WAN administration; Good understanding of billing and prepaid systems
Method of Application.

The application with CV and scanned passport photograph should be mailed by July 15, 2008 to the e-mail address for each job category
Use the reference as subject matter for your e-mail

Jobs: Customer Sales Agents at Kimberly Ryan
Jobs: Customer Sales Agents at Kimberly Ryan
Job Details
*The ideal candidates will be educated to OND degree level or its equivalent, have previous customer service/sales experience, be fluent in written and spoken English and be IT Literate. *Interested candidates should send an updated CV with mobile and email contact to the email address below;

Other Job Information
Job Role: Other
Job Location: Lagos
Job Status: Full_Time
Career level: Experienced
Job Experience (yrs): 0
Industry: Other
Job Minimum Qualification: OND

Send application to: customerservice@kimberly-ryan.net

International Airline Is Recruiting Customer Service Agents (ond)

One of the world’s leading airlines seeks customer-oriented individuals with a passion for service to join the team to deliver an upgraded travel experience to it’s esteemed customers in Nigeria.

Position: Customer Sales Agents / Customer Service AgentsThe ideal candidates will be educated to OND degree level or its equivalent, have previous customer service/sales experience, be fluent in written and spoken English and be IT Literate.

Key Competencies for this role include good communication skills, good interpersonal skills, ability to work under pressure, cultural awareness and sensitivity, ability to use initiative, good team working and handling challenges. ,

Interested candidates should send an up to date CV with
mobile and email contact to: customerservice@kimberly-ryan.net

Nigerian Turkish College Needs Teachers

Nigeria Turkish College Abuja is expanding come September 2008 with co-educational, boys (boarding) and girls (boarding) in the same site. If u would like to work here. Come around and submit your CV before end of July.

Educational background is a necessary condition and u must be prepared 2 work,

Venue: Plot 152 Ahmadu Bello way,
near Banex Plaza,
by MTEL office

OR VISIT
www.nticnigeria.com

Break Ups

2008-07-14T15:09:00.000+01:00

I am dedicating this article to all my friends going through a break up right now.

Breaking up with someone you have once nursed the feeling of sharing your whole life with is one very painful experience no one wishes to go through. They are seldom easy to handle in the beginning, but given time and following these ideas, you can lessen the pain, protect yourself and successfully get over the person.

1. Stop all communications - This involves making phone calls and text messaging.Avoid sending emails.If you will be tempted to call him, delete his phone number from your memory..lol..., avoid going to the places you usually went to together while you're grieving, Let go of pictures of you together, etc..

2. Allow yourself to cry - Release all the suppressed energy.Cry and release all the emotions and chemicals from your body.

3. Get your feelings out by finding solace with family and friends.Express your anger, sorrow, hurt. Verbalize them, put them into writing if you want, just get it out.Don't try to suppress any of them.

4. Be reasonable and Amicable. Break ups don't have to be nasty or filled with revenge plots. In venting channel your emotions to writing or talking with family and friends, not the person who broke up with you. Avoid rubbing salt into an already bad wound.

5. Meditate and Pray - Turn to God....He's close to the broken hearted.

6. Take care of yourself - This is the time to do everything in your power to stay very healthy. The resulting feeling of most break ups is shock, depression, and tardiness. Avoid eating unhealthy meals or taking pills or alcohol to suppress the pain.

7. Keep Busy - Get yourself completely distracted. It helps to remain engaged. Take classes, get involved with your interests. Don't run away or try to hide.

8. Surround yourself with love - This could be friends, family, whoever you find that nourishes, supports and comforts you. Most break ups leave people second guessing their identity and worth.Reach to others who can help.

9. Give yourself time to heal - The need to distract shouldn't force you to start a new relationship to feel less lonely.It's unfair to you as well as the other party.You might end up going through another cycle.

10. Hold unto the hope of newness - There's always life after a break up.Hold onto the hope even if does not feel like the pain will ever end. Keep telling yourself, that the pain will pass.

Making a list might make it seem easy, its not....But the truth is you'll get by and the pain will end...how long i can't assure you...but it will end...

GIVE YOURSELF TIME, BE PATIENT WITH THE PROCESS.......

IT WILL PASS AND YOU WILL SURVIVE...

Why do Men Lose Interest - The role of SEX (II)

2008-07-14T14:24:00.000+01:00

I want to use the opportunity to thank Hiconsulting for the comment posted on my blog, i also thank those who couldn't post but gave their answers verbally.

I realized in the course of handling the issue, there was great need for caution. That was why viewer comments were being requested for.

The role of sex in a man's lose of interest in a relationship can never be overemphasized, but cannot always be placed as the reason for most failures in relationships. Case in point, we have seen relationships that never had any sexual intimacy fall apart and those who did have sexual intimacy last for as long as it could...so i gather, its not the major reason why men lose interest. It could simply be any of the reasons given in part 1.

Human need for emotional connection, love, care, attention and intimacy is very powerful making it a need for some to have sexual intimacy in relationships.The inability to differentiate between sex and intimacy has however created a lot of problems.

A man gives love to have sex, while women give sex for love..as the saying goes. The truth is never farfetched from this because, women oftentimes mistake sex for love.

Sex is never a cure for loneliness, neither is a solution to fixing or maintaining a relationship.The need to use sex as a bait or a manipulative tool in a relationship will never guarantee a deep rooted relationship, rather it would only lead to resentment on the man's part and more disappointment for the woman.

Sex is not love, you cannot make a man stay or love you by giving him what you think he needs.

P.S, This is not to say sex is not fun, exciting and fabulous, but it should never be mistaken for love.

There are certainly men out there who respect women enough to not use them for their sexual pleasures, and it is also very true that there are guys who just want to cut to the chase and get going, after settling into the woman's psych with all the deception applicable. Suffice to say, it is not entirely the men's fault, because it takes two....( and i'll leave it at that for now)

A man whose aim is to sleep with you and walk, shows major symptoms of "IMMATURITY". Anyone who takes bed hopping as a sign of validation of his/her existence shows a lack of character, judgement and worst of all self esteem. The absence of emotional and spiritual maturity plays a major role in prompting his decisions.
Here, the maturity i refer to has nothing to do with age or physical strength, i refer simply to the ability to make responsible decisions.

Ladies do not be confused,if you so desire intimacy and would love to maintain and keep your relationship, do not expect that sex will bring it to you.

There is something about delayed gratification. The need to wait no matter the pressure. Both parties would be giving themselves room to truly grow, know, respect and appreciate themselves but most of all, get to know the true intimacy that comes from sharing friendship,joy, sadness, fears and worries. This form of deep intimacy cannot be gotten from sex.

P.S, Be clear,SEX IS NOT LOVE.

Keyshia cole -Heaven sent

2008-07-14T12:18:00.000+01:00

Now isnt she fab...she's one of my favorite artists of all times...plus this song makes me rock any day, anytime...love her...

I am simply "Thankful"

2008-07-11T10:57:00.000+01:00

Why do Men Lose Interest - The role of SEX

2008-07-09T14:02:00.000+01:00

A little while ago, i got an idea...how visible this is..don't know...but I am so anxious to figure this out anyway.

I am going to be asking a couple of my friends from facebook and other areas to join and help in answering this question.

Please folks i urge you to post all your comments on this matter on this site only.

I look forward to hearing from you.

toooooddddddddddddddlllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooo

TIPS FOR SMALL BUSINESSES

2008-07-09T13:03:00.000+01:00

It is very wise that you have more than one stream of income, this way, if any of your streams fail, you can always fall back on the other. This will help you avoid the common need to go borrowing. Think about it, the borrower is always servant to the lender.

Small scale businesses ranges from tinzy winzy ideas such as Selling pants to Selling mobile phones, It is your responsibility to decide what your flare is and what is generally accepted in the ever growing market.

Outlisted are a few tips that can help you in starting up and sustaining your business.

The need to save up as much money as possible before starting.

Most people go into business without any savings, exclusively using loan money. They expect to start paying back right away from their profits, forgetting or not knowing at all that most business only make profit over a long period of time.

A better plan however, is to save up as much of the needed investment money as possible.

2. The need to start on a shoe string.

Think big but start small. Don't rush off to rent premises if you can work somewhere else. Don' t hire employees either until you're sure you can pay them and keep them busy.

3. Protect your personal assets

Get an insurance for all your valuable assets, shouldn't cost much.

4. Know on a long term basis if and how you will make profit.

5. Make a business plan no matter how short. This helps you focus, even when you get to cross roads.

6. Get a competitive edge -

With respect to this, you have to understand who your competitors are. Even if you do have them, distinguish your products such that no one can imitate them, find ways to distribute them more efficiently, get yourself a conducive location or the most important offer superior customer service.

7. Protect your trade secrets.

Examples: Protect your customer lists, survey methods, marketing strategies and manufacturing techniques.

8. Put all your agreements into writing, no matter how small. For example, get into the habit of giving receipts on all goods and services, deposits, sales.

I think you can ponder on these while you're at it..they sure can help.

Toooooooddlllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooo.

Reason He lost Interest in u

2008-07-09T12:16:00.000+01:00

In my second article, I mentioned that my next article on relationships would be about the reason men walk away even when the relationship is so gooooood…, I am however, going to be rephrasing the title from what I said it would be to Possible reasons a man would lose interest in a relationship and ways you can avoid it.

P.S, There are never 100% how to’s in relationships, so I am going to state this categorically to you.

Will this work for everyone?

Certainly not,

Will it work for some?

Definitely!

The goal however, is to incorporate, view and see if this applies to you and ways it could help.

Pondering on how to convey this to you effectively, I had to review my past and present relationships. I realized that most of my relationships had gone sour even before they materialized simply because I consistently towed the lines of these common pitfalls I am going to be listing out to you.

It could be downright frustrating after experiencing the love and attention of someone only to find out unexpectedly that he’s not just into you anymore. It would probably not be much of a deal when this happens with one or two guys, but if this now becomes a regular experience with men over and over, it would be hard not to take this personally and not start believing that there’s something about you that turns men off.

It is time to look within and see if this consistent roller coaster ride has something to do with you...

Are you the needy, clingy, dependent kind?
Men generally everywhere find it very difficult to handle women who show signs of these tendencies. Good and attractive men have met lots of women and can easily tell the needy ones, who usually rush relationships, cling too hard and are consistent drama queens. If you are this type, you automatically send a message to the guy in question that you’re not going to be fun to be with on the long term.

Get a hold of yourself if you are and find you. Commit squarely to finding your own centre and stop depending on any one to complete or validate you. Men feed off what you give off and whether you like it or not, you are constantly giving off something.

Are you boring and uptight?
Most Men love humor. They love to have a good a time every chance they get. If you generally don’t have much to say, don’t have ideas to contribute or share, or special ways of responding to what he says, thinks or believe, you will not be getting attention for a long time.

We all know how boring dates could be when your partner doesn’t just know what to say or generally how to respond to common and innocent jokes….it’s really awkward..Believe me that’s when the yawning starts……Nobody wants to stick around with anyone who makes you count the hours, it’s very frustrating.

You might be saying in your head right now, how then can I be interesting?

It’s simple!

You can always start by being exposed and enlightened. You could take time consciously to learn about yourself, your environment, read books, watch shows, go out, try out the things you’ve always wanted to do, engage yourself in meeting new people. Doing most of these, you automatically begin to form your views on issues thereby, giving you more materials to think about. Also, this will not only help you go far in improving your dating life but your day – to – day life with co – workers, friends and family. All of which you didn’t ever think existed and were available.

Most importantly in your relationship, find out the things he really likes, the things he likes to talk about, his hobbies, interests. For example, your man is a huge fan of one of the top premiership clubs, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing stops you from carving a niche around his hobbies. You are not only going to be fostering your relationship but enlightening yourself.

Are you annoyingly predictable?
Too much familiarity usually brings resentment. If a man knows how you are going to react or what you are going to say, then chances are that he won’t be thinking about you very often.

When you are lively and unpredictable, and by unpredictable, I am talking about you not doing the “obvious” the things he expects from you like not giving off the tone of voice he gets constantly, stopping the consistent naggings and bitching, avoiding the complaints and whining, reducing your excessive display of emotions, reducing the need to constantly compliment and advice, and finally stop the constant and repeated phone calls and text messaging. Nothing annoys me more in these entire category, even as a chic.

Once you’ve successfully put yourself together in the light of the above listed, he’ll be forced to spend time thinking about you and trying to figure you out.

Do you talk too much and listen less?
The Book of Proverbs says that even when a fool is quiet, he is considered wise. No matter how smart you are, if you constantly go on and on about yourself, dominating conversations, you eventually tire your partner out and bore them. Nothing is worse than a pretty fool.

Being quiet and listening with love is an attribute that we must all consider imbibing into our everyday lives. It is never a sign of weakness; rather it is filled with strength.

How do I listen with love?

It is listening with total and rapt attention with the intent of creating a deeper and meaningful connection and to totally understand the other party.

Everybody wants to be understood, heard, even when what they say is the most absolute rubbish ever. It won’t cost you anything to not judge or multi -task at that time…just listen.

Are you an excessive feminist?
If you are, you need to get off your high horse. No man who is willing to get married to a woman wants to be married to one who acts like a man, showing him she can be all a man can be. All too independent, with a lot of ego flying around.

Some men like these and some simply can’t stand it. I hate to break it to, but the majority of those who don’t outweigh those who do.

Men want the women who need them, who possess feminine voice, character and etiquette.

I won’t say more than this, please just get off your high horse, we all need these men, however, bad some of them are.

Have you lost yourself?
What this questions is how attractive you are. This might be a cruel fact, but it definitely rings a bell. It is a known fact that men are visual and they will only go for who catches their eye.

There are many reality shows out there today, examples, The American Idol, The Bachelor and Bachelorette… (I am sticking to this one’s for a cause so go along and don’t be distracted).
Packaging is always important, no unattractive contestant, no matter the talent has made the finals, simply because something’s just missing. You go for interviews and you’re not chosen simply because on the attraction level, you simply failed to connect. It’s a hard knock but the truth…which wawwaaaw, unattractive chic has ever won silver bird’s MBGN….picture that…

Nobody is asking you to be less of yourself, you are only asked to take care of yourself…it’s that simple.
If your man likes you making up, take make –up classes if you must and look good, if he likes them slim or heavily bodied, impress him but please don’t go overboard.

The idea here is to improve your looks and be more attractive. Dress well, clean up after you, put on a smile..that’s a knock out in being attractive, smell good, look sexy, carry yourself with pride and dignity, so he can easily point you out in a crowd and proudly say that’s my babe and not duck his head in shame.

Truth be told, we just have to remain physically attractive.

Are you tied to your past?
There are several ways this can affect you and your relationship. The disadvantage of holding onto your past is that it stunts your ability to be emotionally and physically intimate with your partner.

Now the intimacy I refer to here has nothing to do with being sexual. I refer simply to the joy of being in each other’s company, walking together or sharing a deep conversation.

If you do not disconnect from your past the true joy of intimacy that generates into trust, mutual understanding, romantic feelings of tenderness and longing to be cherished will not be experienced.

Are you selfish?
A man wants to know if your attraction for him is just only on his physical being, as supposed to his entire well being.

Our character no matter how long it is hidden somehow on the long run gets revealed. A sure way to make a man lose interest is to be selfish and consistently seek what’s in it for you.

Try if you can to approach him constantly and consistently with a sincere and delicate mixture of qualities. Focus on him and not what he’s got. Be genuinely interested in his fears, thoughts, hopes and dreams.

Simply put him at ease with these characteristics.

Finally, I delibrately saved this for last because it generates a lot of contradictions and it has to do with "SEX".
I will say little or barely anything on this matter, why because…uhmmm….it’s tricky. Right now there are two questions bouncing around in my head.
i. Will a man leave you once he has sex with you?
ii. Will he love you more?
I will save answering this for my next article, which is probably coming sooner than I expect myself.

There is never a guarantee in dating that a man won't lose interest in you at any point. By paying attention to the above, you might improve your chances of keeping any guy's attention and interest, making every time spent with you a wonderful experience and then also come across as a desirable and attractive woman, which won't give him any reason to leave.

See you soonest…

Toooodddddlllllllllllllooooooooooooo.

2008-07-08T18:21:00.000+01:00

Oops i forgot i said two poems, forgive my negligence....here's the second poem.

I just want someone to love me

softly, fiercely, passionately, unconditionally,

I want to be loved in ways I can't describe

unspeakable wishes filling my soul

leaving my soul yearning for a touch

so deep, so profound, so warm, so consuming,

I'm left breathless by the thought....

My soul searches my heart's hidden crevices

looking for love perhaps misplaced

jumping with hope at the shadows

of unrequited loves.....

reaching for arms that elude me

grasping at unfilled promises

I grow weary in my search

wondering at the difficulty of such a simple wish....

I want someone to love me

to make me giggle at nothing to make me feel uncommonly beautiful

to make me embrace the air just because

just because....

I am loved...

from the top of my head to the tip of my toes

inside and out

gentle, possessively, indescribably, totally....

totally loved.....

Thats it.....know you know i feel strongly about romance...the whole hyped up package.....tell me what you think...i'd love to hear from anybody sooonnnnn.

Memoirs of the Last 10%

2008-07-08T17:20:00.000+01:00

Counting, what i have left of Michelle Mckinney's Book are just 6 in number..i have read her books and constantly strive to get new ones read.

Her books are Inspiring, Down to earth, Real, Godly, yet Sexy and most importantly it teachs us of what is obtainable even in this day and age.

I am going to document two of my most favorite poems from her book...the Last ten percent.

It tells of what all women want....i am sure if by any chance you have any emotion in you...you will like it too.....

WHAT DO I WANT?

I just want what every woman wants

warm arms on a cold night

promises of forever and wonderful todays

silent understanding

and kisses that leave me breathless

i want what every woman wants

soft words in hardtimes

someone to read my heart and touch my mind

I want a co-conspirator

a treasure chest to hold my secrets

I want a firm hold

when i\'m losing my grip

someone to call me in from the rain

to be my shield, my pillow, my river,my mountain, my rock....

I want to be rescued

lost in an embrace and found not wanting...

what do i want?

what every woman wants.....

to find her way home....

www.michellehammond.com/

You can always find out about her on that webpage.

toooodllllloooo,..............

START UP BASICS

2008-07-08T16:24:00.000+01:00

First Steps –

Starting and managing a business takes motivation and talent. It also takes research and planning. It takes extra skill discipline and hard work. Take time ahead to explore and evaluate your business and personal goals. Developing a business plan will force you to think through some important issues that must otherwise be considered. Your plan will become a valuable tool as you set out to raise money for your business.

GETTING STARTED

1. List your reasons for wanting to go into business. · Self management · Financial Independence · Creative freedom · Full use of personal skills and knowledge.

2. Determine what business is right for you. · What do I like to do with my time? · What technical skills have I learned or developed? · What do others say am good at? · Will I have the support of my family? · How much time do I have to run a business? · Do I have hobbies or interests that are marketable?

3. Identify you business Niche · What business am I interested in starting? · What services or products will I sell? · Is my idea practical, and will it fill a need? · What is my competition? · What is my business’s advantage over existing forms? · Can I deliver a better quality service? · Can I create a demand for my business?

4. The Final step – Pre- business checklist · What skills and experience do I bring to the business? · What legal structure will I use? · How will my company’s business record be maintained? · What insurance coverage will be needed? · What equipments or supplies will I need? · How will I compensate myself? · What are my resources? · What financing will I need? · Where will my business be located? · What will I name my business?

Note*: Your answers will help create a focused, well researched business plan that will aid business operations, management and capitalization.

“Find something you love doing and you will never work a day in your life” – Harvey Mackay

Here are some enterpreneurs that i think you can patronize..they would really appreciate your support..

1. Execurand services- operates to serve in undertaking your necessary but time consuming tasks at affordable costs.

Services include: Protocol/General errand services, event packaging, end of year parties, agm's, weddings etc...

simply contact Execurand services in Abuja or Lagos by calling:

Adeola - 08051261549

Ruth - 08034060545

kunle -08023171307

dapo - 08038478454

We simply make your life a lot easier!!!!

2.
www.mariamilaka.com
click on her web page to see her designs, very affordable and impressive.

Our Collection
Dresses - Timeless and vintage inspired dresses to suit different body figures
Bridesmaids-Remarkable dresses for your bridesmaids. Our dresses can be worn not only on the wedding day but also on other days to other occasions.
Tops-Adventurous tops designed especially for youBottoms
“Out of the box” Skirts, shorts and trousers
Nite Out-Trendy clubbing or disco clothes you won’t find anywhere else.
At www.mariamilaka.com we provide a smooth blend of vintage, elegance and class at purse-friendly prices, Mariam Ilaka attracts women from their teens to the 40s searching for an outstanding fashion fix.

Wrong and Better ways of maintaining attraction

2008-07-08T14:30:00.000+01:00

It ‘s a known fact that men often start off hot, spicy and heavy in relationships…….but then as quickly as they started, they unexpectedly turn ice cold.

Our first reaction to this unexpected behavior is usually characterized with several questions such as, what in the world did I do wrong?, was it something I said or didn’t say?, is my rejection predetermined by simply being me?....a whole lot of questions fill a confused and despaired mind.

The essence of this article however, is to bring to the fore, what might have been the generating or fueling factor for the triggered behavior experienced by your partner.

*P.S, This is not saying we don’t have jerks around who claim to be men, going around with one single goal in mind, knocking up anything in skirt and then scampering off like nothing happened. This is simply a means to better ourselves and avoid some common pitfalls we have often time been faced with and allowed in relationships.

The only person you are capable of handling (and I say handle….not manipulate) in any given relationship is yourself. You are absolutely responsible for yourself and how a man treats you in a relationship. Everybody goes through life with the desire to be loved, respected and given attention. The absence or sudden withdrawal from this especially in relationships sets in some sort of panic and Instinctively, there’s the need to quickly fix the problem, mend what seems to be breaking or fill the empty space building.

The more this is done, the worse the situations gets…..if this has ever happened to you, you can always holla……

You will never see things from your partner’s eyes because you are two entirely different people. Men and women are wired differently, attempting to change this is almost unnatural and the earlier this is understood the better because you would be guarding yourself from the hurts and frustrations that come from trying to change the other.

My next article bothers on The reason men walk away even when the relationship is so gooooood…, , but this article for today captions what you should try to avoid when at some point in your relationship the man you so desire just seems to be disengaging from you…remember, the goal here is to maintain the attraction..

DON’T: There’s a tendency for you to want to fill in the building empty space by constantly sharing your thoughts and feelings, the need to tell him how much you love or like him. Don't.
BETTER WAY: Avoid rushing ahead. Give him time and space in your interactions. There’s a possibility here that he’s evaluating the relationship or generally testing you.

DON’T: Telephone calls have reduced; physical distance is telling, he’s constantly telling you he’s busy and that you should give him time and you’re now killing him with kindness by complimenting him every chance you get, calling him all the time, doing favors that are unsolicited for and generally trying to show him that you can be the special companion to him.
BETTER WAY: Think playful instead of nice. Be unpredictable and intriguing. Create tension and interest by not always doing or saying the “obvious”. This I assure you will keep him thinking and wondering about you, and get him doing things to get more of your time and attention.

DON’T: Sleep with him in the hopes that by being close and intimate, he’ll realize how much he likes you and how amazing you are together. He won’t change his mind even after you've had the most exciting rumbling sheet experience. Take on convincing or pleading behaviors’, its 100% guaranteed to make him withdraw farther away from you.
BETTER WAY: Communicate to him in a dignified, yet humble manner that you’re selective and that you respect yourself. Create what’s more emotional with him than physical..He’ll respect you more for it.

Well now if after you’ve tried, he still doesn’t budge, then he needs to get his head examined.lolllll

The Beginning

2008-07-08T10:08:00.000+01:00

I have always wondered what my first article would be like - what i would say, being a major concern. It literally scared me to think about, but finally yesterday inspite of my fears i decided to be courageous. I told God that he should use everything i had gone through to be a source of encouragement, blessing and inspiration to whoever and i mean whoever reads through the articles.

This is the beginning of a new era, i plan on taking full advantage of this medium. Most of the write-ups, stories and articles would be centred around dating and relationships, making and maintaining the right ones, letting go of the incessantly ridiculous ones, the do's and dont's, the how's to being a better you, making quality and irregretable decisions...its a whole list and yeaahh some in and out stuff on enterpreneurship, poems, etc....

I am assuring you of the certainties of being exposed to truths that u might just be aware of, but are just simply ignoring.

I know without a doubt that we are all the same and possibly go through the same issues..i open you up to the opportunity to share, be heard, be expressive, no matter how derogatory the issue.

It going to be a jolly ride, tag along and i promise you wont regret the ride.